Delicate Balance
by brighteyedcat
Summary: Olivia's chance encounter with a Russian dancer turns her life upside down and challenges her ability to balance her work and personal life. Begins during Season 1's Contact. OliviaOther, OliviaAlex. Femslash.
1. Chapter 1

**Ch. 1**

She felt a little better about herself after leaving his office, handing him the file of a cold case that bore a striking similarity to the stunt he attempted with her at her apartment a few nights prior. It made her sick to think about that night again. She tried not to believe his despicable hands were all over her, meanwhile she tried to tell herself that it wasn't her fault, but she knew that it was. She had let her guard down and in doing so she not only jeopardized her dignity but also the confidential file, which very well could have lost everything for the victims. She got herself out of an unpaid suspension, but did not escape the guilt she felt when confronting this case everyday at work.

Her work at the precinct was finished for the day and Olivia wanted a drink even though no one had planned a happy hour for this drab Tuesday evening. Craving a drink reminded her of her mother and she didn't want to drink for the sake of drinking: to weakly give into that need. Drinking for the sake of quieting her guilty mind wasn't what Olivia wanted either, but there was a bar on nearly every block of Manhattan and if there wasn't a bar, there was a bodega with liquor or beer for sale and she knew she would give into the temptation before she reached her apartment on the way home.

And she was right. She found herself in a different, non-descript lounge in Chelsea, further from the precinct, but closer to home. It had been a while since she'd gone to a bar that wasn't filled with cops. Instead of sitting at the counter feeling sorry for herself slinging back shots of Jack Daniels, she sat in a tall stool and slowly sipped a Hard Core cider by the front sliding windows that were cracked open to let in the crisp spring air. The fresh air felt nice against her skin, especially when the wind flipped and tossed her hair that rested at her neck. Although she had profusely washed herself of that sleazy reporter, she still felt dirty; but the breeze was helping to clear her mind and her conscience. _Maybe she should just be celibate_, she thought to herself. _By diving deeper into my work, I could drown out the desire for human contact_. It was true that dating in the last year had proven to be wildly unsuccessful, coming to a climactic end with the date she had gone on with the reporter that wanted to play a rape game with her. _Rock bottom_. She thought to herself, furrowing her brows. She shuddered, remembering the evening again and ran her fingers through her hair. It pissed her off that he had somehow gotten the upper hand on her. He had outsmarted her somehow, and it enraged Olivia. She needed another cider.

She turned in her seat to signal one of the cocktail waitresses for another drink. She nodded and headed to the bar while Olivia turned her attention back to the window, looking out onto the street watching couples walk by or people walking their little dogs on the sidewalk. _Maybe I should get a dog from the ASPCA. I drive by at least once a week while running errands or following a case, and it does cross my mind. Having a dog would take my mind off of things and bring something positive into my life…except that I'm never home_. She sighed, unable to find an easy solution or escape from her inevitable sadness and frustration. The waitress approached Olivia and handed her a new bottle. Olivia was digging into her leather jacket to pay for the drink when the waitress stopped her waving her hand at Olivia.

"It's already been paid for."

"What do you mean? I didn't start a tab." But the waitress had already walked away with her empty bottle.

"I paid for it," said a tall, slender woman that was now standing beside Olivia.


	2. Chapter 2

**Ch. 2**

Without thinking, Olivia rolled her eyes and sighed heavily, swiveling herself back towards the window. "Thanks, but I'm not interested."

"Who said I was interested in _you_?" The woman said, brazenly taking a seat beside Olivia without an invitation, and watching her intently. She had a slight, but distinct accent. Judging by her height, build, and attitude, she guessed the woman was of Russian or similar descent. Olivia glanced in her direction and gave the woman an awkward smile before starting to nurse her new drink while it was cold. It wasn't news for women to flirt with her; it happened all the time, though Olivia could never figure out why. She wasn't gay, and she didn't think she emanated that "vibe" at all, and yet more and more it was becoming obvious to her that women flirted with her more frequently than men. At first she thought it was just the cop thing, but she never wore a uniform and she wasn't in a cop bar tonight but still, the first person that had approached Olivia was a woman – again.

She took another quick glance at the woman beside her before deciding on whether she should say hello or excuse herself to find another quiet corner so she could be left alone with her anger. The woman had long, slightly curly sandy blonde hair. Every lock fell perfectly against her shoulders, some long enough to traipse down her back. Her face was delicate, but was strongly accented by long dark eyelashes framing bright emerald eyes. She had noticeably amazing posture, and her collarbones were prominent against the smooth skin below her long neck. She was very thin, and yet did not seem fragile at all. As she waited for Olivia to say something, the rings on her fingers clicked against her glass and the cut stones sparkled against the sun's setting rays coming in through the window. She was quite stunning, but didn't seem to be the type to be interested in anything other than a little platonic company, so Olivia decided to stay. If she had wanted to drink alone, she thought, she'd have gone home.

"What are you drinking?" Olivia asked the woman, bringing her eyes back to the window.

"Stoli and cran." The woman said, looking over Olivia's exotic face before landing on her soft brown eyes. "What beer did I get for you anyway?"

Olivia smiled a little and showed her the front of the bottle. Despite Olivia's attempts at ceasing some of her nervous behavior, Olivia was always fidgeting and had habits of twirling pencils between her fingers, tapping the sides of her coffee cup, and in this case, picking at her beer bottle's label. When she turned the label towards the other woman, she realized there wasn't much left of it. "It's a cider," she said to clarify.

"Cider?" "Yeah, have you ever tried it before?" 

The woman shook her head and circled her lips around the tiny little straw, taking another sip of her own drink, but keeping her eyes on Olivia.

"Do you want to try it?" Olivia asked. The woman didn't answer, but Olivia handed her the bottle anyway. She tipped her head back and took a couple of sips and nodded her head. "It's pretty good. Kind of crisp and sweet." She said casually. "Perfect for this kind of weather, I guess. Is there alcohol in there?"

"Yeah," Olivia laughed, "it sneaks up on you." Olivia took another sip of her drink and watched as the woman sitting beside her swiveled her chair a little before leaning back against the wall. She wore a simple black skirt that showed off her very toned thighs when she crossed her legs and propped her feet up on the footstool attached to the table between them. Olivia tried not to notice the other woman's bare skin, but she did and quickly directed her attention to the woman's eyes instead. "I'm Olivia." She said reaching her right hand that had been hiding inside her pocket to formally greet the woman.

"Anya." She extended her hand, palm down and so delicately that Olivia almost believed that Anya wanted her to kiss her hand rather than shake it. She had smooth, silken hands, which made Olivia feel a little self-conscious, clasping her rougher ones around Anya's so strongly. "Thank you for allowing me to sit with you, Olivia." She said with a sarcastic laugh, again sitting back against the wall.

"I didn't mean to be rude. I've just had a bit of a rough week," Olivia explained.

"Well, we don't have to talk about that unless you want to."

"I'd rather not." Olivia paused for a minute to take another swig of her drink. She turned to Anya and asked her what brought her out on a Tuesday. She explained that part of her job was to travel to the public schools of New York to either conduct an educational assembly, or answer questions on a career day, or perform. Today, she said she had a career day at a nearby high school and was just stopping in for a few drinks on her way home. She said that she rarely had the time to think let alone relax somewhere with a drink, so she wanted to take advantage of the available time she had today.

"What do you do, again?" Olivia asked, thinking she had missed a part of the story.

"I'm a principal dancer with ABT." Anya said, finishing her drink.

_Ah, 2+2 does indeed equal 4_, Olivia joked to herself_. No wonder she's so tiny, yet strong and poised. Not to mention her obvious grace._ "Wow." That's all Olivia could come up with for the time being. She was impressed. It wasn't everyday in her life that she met someone like Anya; someone with class. Despite her esteemed career and possible fame, she appeared to be very down to earth. A working and thriving artist was rare, but Anya was far more than that as a dancer with American Ballet Theatre. Olivia had never really been to a professional ballet before, but she did remember the assemblies and mini-performances that ABT and NYC Ballet had done in her schools all those years ago. They were enjoyable, but far too expensive of a hobby to really get into on her detective's salary. "I should have known."

"Why do you say that? Have you seen me perform?" Anya asked, cocking her head to the side with a smile.

"No, but I'm a detective." Olivia answered, finishing her drink and setting it on the table. "And now that you've mentioned it, it's fairly obvious that you're a dancer." Olivia said indicating her body with her hands, but trying not to stare at the same time.

"Really?" She chuckled to herself when she thought of how Olivia must only be speaking with her because she believed Anya wasn't gay. She didn't want to push her luck, but Anya's curious nature was about to get the best of her as she leaned forward in her chair, squeezing out most of the air between them. "What do you mean by that?" Her eyes sparkled as she spoke, making it difficult for Olivia to deny how sensuous the woman was. She looked down at Olivia's drink, and then brought her eyes back up again. Olivia was uneasy by Anya's forward behavior, perhaps to the degree that she didn't know what to say in return. All she could manage was a shake of her head before pushing her second empty bottle onto the table, which also pushed a distance between them.

Anya still waited for an answer. "You're very...elegant." Olivia remarked, crossing her arms and sitting back as a conscious way of trying to shield herself. From what, Olivia wasn't sure, but she felt the need to keep her guard up.

Anya smiled and sat back again, but not against the wall. She set her glass down on the table. "Can I get you another drink?" Anya asked while she looked around the room, trying to locate the waitress.

"No, thanks." She paused, thinking. "I think it's my turn."

"I thought you weren't interested, Olivia." Anya winked. The way she spoke her name with that Eastern European accent of hers was a little patronizing, but playful. It, combined with Anya's quick wink, made Olivia's hands fidget against her arms and she moved her hands back into her coat pockets.

"Do you want another one of those?" Olivia asked, deflecting attention. She pointed to Anya's glass half full of ice on the table.

"If you don't mind."

"It was Stoli, right?" Anya nodded, pleased that Olivia had remembered that small detail. She leaned back against the wall, smiling at Olivia as she walked towards the bar for their drinks. _Damn, she's beautiful, _Anya observed She took the straw between two fingers and twirled the ice around and around in the glass, planning how she would break through Olivia's harsh exterior to get to the woman underneath. _She's resisting, but I know she's attracted to me. I know her type. She's confused, but she won't be able to resist forever._


	3. Chapter 3

**Ch. 3**

When Olivia came back to the high table with their drinks, she saw that the windows were closed to prevent the colder evening air from coming in. It was only about 6:30, but the sunset was almost over so the cocktail waitress was in the process of loosening the ropes around the thick curtains allowing for some coverage of the windows. Olivia also noticed that Anya had taken off her light jacket now that the windows were closed. She was wearing a forest green knit top and Olivia had a hard time not noticing that it hugged the small curves the woman had, not to mention the top revealed her sharp collarbones at the base of her graceful neck. She erased the tense thoughts from her mind as she approached and handed Anya her drink.

Anya thanked her with sincerity before leaning back and crossing her long legs to face Olivia. In order to avoid appearing nervous to Anya as well as to redirect the attention off of herself, Olivia started asking her about her own life. Anya wasn't a fool and was aware of how every attempt she made to get Olivia to tell her something about herself was immediately turned into a question directed back towards herself. Instead of being turned off by it, Anya found it to be an amusing little game and she took advantage of it. If she wasn't going to get the information she was curious about through talking, she would have to be resourceful and get it in another way. As Anya answered every little question Olivia had about her life as a dancer, what it was like, and a few details about her personal life (without revealing even a hint about her sexuality), Anya gauged Olivia's every reaction to her ambiguous, but coy answers. She could tell that Olivia was entertained by her and even got her laughing when she explained to Olivia that whatever personal drama she might have seen in her department couldn't even come close to working with dozens of primadonna gay men constantly chasing and hating each other all at the same time. Olivia agreed that Anya was probably correct in her assumptions. The woman was beautiful when she smiled, but she was stunning when she laughed.

Olivia never thought she'd be closing out her happy hour with laughter. She had been so miserable and overcome with guilt and anger from the week's events, but Anya had helped to wash all of that away; at least for a little while. She'd only had three drinks and although she wasn't tipsy, she had a nice buzz at 7:30 when they decided to call it a night. She never did tell Anya why she was at the bar, and she appreciated that Anya didn't ask. She respected Olivia's privacy and Olivia took notice of that. She was by no means a shy woman, though. In almost every question posed to her, Anya had a sarcastic and usually flirtatious answer. As she spoke, she ran her long fingers through her hair to reveal her smooth shoulders or neck, or she rubbed her legs with her hands, twirled the straw in her drink, or flicked the bottoms of her shoes against her heels. As much as Olivia was trying to keep the attention off of herself, she knew that Anya certainly didn't mind all of it being on her. _What is she trying to pull here? Does she think I don't know what she's trying to do?_

Stepping out onto the sidewalk, Olivia looked downtown. She was only a few blocks away from her apartment. Elliot had their car, but instead of getting a taxi, she decided to walk to clear her mind. Had she not met Anya she would have felt foolish about going to the bar, having made it 20 blocks without stopping for a drink and with only three more blocks to her apartment, she submitted to temptation of a drink. But she had met Anya and was actually going home happy.

"Which direction are you headed in?" Olivia asked, somewhat hoping she'd be heading downtown.

"Uptown." Anya answered, nodding to the north. "Upper West." _Nice_, Olivia thought to herself. "Are you going my way?" Anya asked with a smirk, clearly meaning two things.

Olivia laughed and scuffed the sole of her shoe on the ground and put her hands into her jacket pockets. "No, I'm heading downtown."

Anya walked a little closer to Olivia, reaching into her purse. "Well, I have a subway to catch then."

"You ride the subway?" Olivia was surprised.

"Sometimes. Is there something wrong with that, Olivia?" Anya asked as she snapped her business card out from an inside pocket of her purse. She stood only inches away from Olivia and held the card between two fingers in front of Olivia's face. Olivia felt her stomach drop as the other woman had practically pounced into her personal space. _Why is my mouth getting dry? God, her eyes are gorgeous. And her flaxen curls are just begging to be touched. _Olivia stopped herself. _Wait, what the hell am I saying?_ Olivia didn't move as her mind and pulse (no doubt) raced, trying to come up with something to say. She was trying to trigger her brain to react to the woman's closeness and take a step backwards, but her body refused to listen due to the conflicting messages in her head. _Just take the damn card and walk away, Olivia._ _Wake up!_

Olivia managed to take a slow step back, but before Olivia was able to fully snap out of her trance, Anya cracked her out of it herself. She removed the card from Olivia's vision and hooked her pinky finger around one of the belt loops from Olivia's pants as she was stepping back and yanked her back against herself. Olivia's deep brown eyes flashed wide and her mouth opened as she felt the woman tucking the business card ever so gently into her front pocket. Anya kept her feline-like eyes fixed on Olivia's as she moved. She held three of her fingers on the inside of Olivia's tight pocket. "I hope to hear from you, Olivia." She smiled, removed her hand, and peeled herself away from Olivia. "Goodnight," she added quietly as she turned on her high heels and walked to the 23rd Street subway station.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ch. 4**

The following morning, Olivia had arrived to work early and was going through various files on her desk, reviewing minute details again and again. She took another sip of coffee and turned to her computer, clicking the icon that would bring up the Internet. _Elliot isn't here yet_, she thought, _and I could use a little bit of a break before he does._ She turned her attention back to the computer's screen. She typed up a search for the American Ballet Theatre and then clicked the link to the company's homepage. There wasn't much information on the website. A link to the performance calendar, how to purchase tickets, contact information, and then a link to exactly what Olivia was looking for. A link to the dancers. The list of names was in alphabetical order and Olivia couldn't remember Anya's last name from her business card. She'd left the card at home so she would have to just guess. Fortunately, and not surprisingly, there was only one Anya listed with the company.

The picture that popped up with Anya's biography was striking. It was a black and white headshot and her head was angled down just a smidge so that her hair fell loosely around her face and over her bare shoulders. The look in her eye was filled with confidence and desire. Olivia admitted to herself that it was a little sexy. _Ok, more than a little_.

"Good morning, Liv." Olivia jumped as Elliot called out to her, heading to his locker and then to the coffeepot.

"Morning." She said back, quickly minimizing the screen and rising to get a refill. She held out her mug awaiting Elliot to pour in the black liquid. As he did, he smiled back at her, noticing her light attitude, her mind wandering somewhere outside of the precinct.

"Did you have a good night or something? You seem to be in a pretty good mood this morning."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Olivia unintentionally snapped at him.

"Okay, I take it back." He said with a laugh while walking cautiously to his desk.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you." Olivia said while adding cream and sugar to her coffee. "I was, uh, thinking of something else. I guess I haven't had enough coffee yet this morning." Olivia said with a weak smile, heading back to her desk.

"Well, you look nice today anyway." Elliot said with a smile before grabbing a file on top of his desk to go through.

"Thanks." She said, sipping her coffee before getting back to her files.

She and Elliot were going through their own reports for a little while, waiting for Cragen to arrive with some kind of an update on the status of their cases. Olivia noticed that Elliot appeared to be pretty focused on one of his files so she took the opportunity to pull ABT's website back up and finish reading Anya's biography. She scanned the extensive resume and noted that she had traveled around the world with ABT and was profoundly dedicated to educating young people about the importance of ballet and culture in one's life. Her dedication and positive impact on young people was attractive to Olivia. She also discovered; however, that she appeared to be quite active with the GLBT community in New York and was one of the guest speakers at last year's Pride Festival. _I knew it_, Olivia smirked to herself. She scrolled further down the page to look at other photos of Anya. There was one picture that caught her attention. Olivia wasn't familiar with the ballet from which the photo had been taken, but she was in all black with diamonds in her hair. She imagined that she must have been at least 4 feet in the air in the photo, with her arms like sharp wings above her, soaring across the stage. Her legs were split across like scissors, and almost entirely parallel to the ground below her. It was pretty amazing, but Anya's expression was full of want and sadness. _Typical of a ballet_, Olivia thought.

"Funny. I never pictured you to be the type that would be into the ballet." Munch had somehow come in without Olivia noticing and had glanced over her shoulder to read about Anya.

Olivia's shoulders sank with a sigh. Should she lie, tell the truth, or just ignore the comment? Was too early to lie? _Wait a second, why should I lie? We just had a harmless drink together. _She turned to face him with a sarcastic sneer across her face. "I'm not. But I met one of the company dancers last night."

"Ah, so I assume you met Ms…" He was struggling to read to see what dancer Olivia had met until he spotted a picture of her standing at a podium, speaking. "Krilov?" He added and without missing a beat, "Really, Anya? She's quite good." Munch said changing his tune from nosy to awe. He said something else in Russian, but of course no one knew what he said, and Munch didn't feel the need to elaborate in English.

"I assumed that she was. You know her?" 

"Yeah, I've seen her perform a couple of times. She had my ex-wife in tears from her performance in _Giselle_."

"Which one?" Elliot joked.

"Ha-ha-ha." Munch said dryly.

Moments later, Cragen came through the front doors. He went to his office to gather his thoughts and some papers before coming out to discuss the day's priorities with his team of detectives.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ch. 5**   
It was a Saturday evening and Olivia was bored. She had taken home some files to go over for Elliot since he was taking a long weekend to be with his family, but she'd gone over them so many times without making any progress and she just couldn't think straight anymore. She hadn't called Anya since they had met earlier that week and was starting to think about calling her. Her business card laid where Olivia had placed it the night she got home on Tuesday: on an end table beneath a red-shaded lamp. 

She reached for the card and flicked it against her other palm, trying to decide what to do. She tossed the card back on the table, figuring she probably had a performance tonight anyway, being that it was a Saturday night. _On second thought, why am I debating this? I had a good time on Tuesday, I'm bored, and even if she isn't available, what would the harm be in calling? I need to get out. Even though I'm rarely home, when I am home, it just doesn't feel like home. The precinct is my home, but there's nothing for me to work on there tonight._ Then Olivia remembered how her evening with Anya had ended, the evidence in writing, and pictures of her speaking at GLBT events on ABT's website. Despite the fact that Anya had expressed up front that she wasn't interested in Olivia like she had assumed, it became abundantly clear that she _was_ interested in Olivia – like _that_. Olivia didn't want to send Anya any mixed signals. _Wait, what mixed signals? I'm not interested in her like that. But if I call her on a Saturday night, she probably will get the wrong idea. I don't know if I want to deal with that. But I really do want to go out and I'm almost positive that I'd have a good time with her again. She was so honest – it was refreshing considering that Elliot and I are always playing the silent game with each other._

Olivia talked herself into countless circles until she realized how idiotic she was being. She picked up the card, reached around the couch for the phone and dialed Anya's number. The phone rang once. Twice. Three times. _Maybe I won't have to talk to her; I'll just leave a message._

"Hello?" Anya answered with a confused inflection in her voice.

"Hi, Anya. Um, it's Olivia." Olivia said, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. _God, what am I doing?_

_I knew it_, she beamed. "Hi. You're lucky you caught me, I was just on my way out for the evening—"

"Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt anything." Olivia answered a little too quickly.

Anya laughed, "You're not, Olivia. I meant that I was leaving the studio for the day."

"Oh. You don't have a performance tonight?" Olivia asked, not certain whether an affirmative of negative answer would please her more.

"No, I have tonight off. Tomorrow afternoon I perform, but not tonight." She paused to see if Olivia would say anything. She didn't so she seized the silence. "So, would you like to go somewhere with me?" Anya asked while wrapping white medical tape around each of her toes before slipping on some socks.

"I guess that depends on what you had in mind." Olivia answered, shifting her seat on the couch.

"I have _something_ in mind, yes." Anya said with a wide smile to herself, setting back in her own chair, flicking a pen against the ends of her hair. "Can I pick you up?"

"I could meet you at the subway station if it would be easier."

Anya laughed out loud, "No, that won't be necessary. I'll drive. We'll need a car. I don't always take the subway; just when it's more convenient."

Olivia didn't ask where they were going, but she relayed her address over the phone to Anya. She told her she'd be there in about an hour because she needed to run home first.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ch. 6**

Almost exactly an hour later, Olivia heard the buzz coming from the front stoop where she assumed Anya was waiting. Instead of letting her up, Olivia spoke through the speaker to her to say she'd come down. Anya told her to make sure she was wearing a jacket because it was a little chilly out. _Thoughtful_.

When Olivia came through the front doors, she saw Anya waiting in a sleek black coupe, illegally double-parked. She was certain that Anya looked even more beautiful today than she did on Tuesday, but she was going to have to stop thinking about her like that because she knew Anya would pick up on it and she didn't want to end up disappointing her. But her hair was pulled halfway up, allowing certain slow curls to frame her face, and she looked irresistible.

_Olivia must be trying to kill me_, Anya thought to herself as she watched the woman approach her car. _She's wearing that sexy brown leather jacket again_. This time she wore the coat over a black, low-cut shirt, and tight, dark-colored jeans, not so different from her own that she wore tonight. It made Anya more than flustered just to look at Olivia. _Yep. If she's not interested in me then she sure as shit is trying to play games._

"Nice car." Olivia acknowledged.

"Thanks." Anya checked her mirrors, changed gears, and then took a glimpse over at Olivia. "You look beautiful."

_Wow, she's not wasting any time._ "Thank you." Olivia blushed a little, but turned away so Anya couldn't see it. She consciously ceased her fidgeting hands and shoved them into her pockets after buckling her seatbelt. "Um, so do you." She said nervously. _It was true, after all._

Anya acknowledged her compliment with a smile. When Olivia reached into her pockets, she found a ballet program that John had given to her. "Oh, uh, before we go – and before I forget – I have kind of an embarrassing favor to ask of you." Olivia kept her head down and shook it.

"Shoot." Anya remarked, putting the car back into park.

"Well, one of my co-workers was hoping he could get me to ask you for an autograph on this _Giselle_ program to win some brownie points with one of his ex-wives."

_She's already told her co-workers about me? Wasn't expecting that. _"Wow, _Giselle_, huh? That was a few years ago. He must be in some trouble to go digging this one out." Anya thought back to the year when ABT had done that production and where she was in her life at that time. It seemed like ages ago.

"Knowing him, he probably will always be in trouble with someone." Olivia said rolling her eyes. "Would you mind?" Olivia held out the old, curled up program for Anya to hopefully sign for her so they could move on with their evening.

"No, I don't mind." Anya took the program from Olivia and reached into her purse for a pen. Her signature was violent, entirely illegible, and left deep creases on the page. Completely opposite of Olivia's very careful and legible signature. "Even if this is just to get some brownie points for your friend, it's still flattering." She put the pen back into her purse and handed the program back to Olivia, who set it aside in the car making a mental note to not forget about it later. Anya shifted the car back into drive, checked her mirrors, and pulled the car forward. The car moved so smoothly Olivia barely noticed that they were moving at all. She wished her squad car was this comfortable, being that she spent many hours in it with Elliot staking out an area.

"John's a fan of yours as well. In fact, he'd be pretty jealous to know we were going to be hanging out again tonight."

_Hanging out? Ha! Who is she trying to kid? _Anya tried to bite her tongue and her pride, but failed, "Lots of people would be jealous of you right now, Olivia."

Olivia looked back at the sandy-haired woman and smirked, letting out a slight chuckle. Her confidence was unbelievable. _Must be a performers thing. _"So where are we going?"

"Brooklyn." Anya replied, glancing at her mirrors before changing lanes and heading downtown towards the Brooklyn Bridge.

"Brooklyn!? What the hell's in Brooklyn?"

"You're from New York, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Then I'm sure you've been there before." Anya turned her attention back to the road as flocks of taxis, service cars, and New Jersey resident cars wove in and out of lanes like seagulls attacking a sandwich on the beach. She leaned forward and turned on the radio. Olivia was still staring at Anya with a tinge of questioning fury in her eyes; uncomfortable with the lack of control she had with the situation at hand. "Relax, Olivia," Anya said as she allowed her right hand to leave the steering wheel to rub and then lightly grip Olivia's thigh. _Oh my god, she's touching me. Do I want her to touch me? I can't tell, but I know I can't relax with her hand on me?_ "You'll enjoy this little trip, Olivia, I know you will."

Anya turned her attention quickly back to the road, and removed her hand from Olivia's leg. She was growing frustrated with the lack of competent drivers on the road. "Shit," she said under her breath. She swerved quickly to the right in order to get onto the ramp and was compounded with a series of car horns blaring at her from all angles. Someone called out some kind of an obscenity at her. Anya yelled out the window at another driver, except that her obscenities were in a foreign language Olivia didn't know. She shouted at the driver as she reached out the window, flipping her middle finger up at whoever had cursed at her before speeding towards the ramp. She let out a deep sigh as she accelerated onto the ramp. Olivia had to do a double take; she could swear she was driving with Elliot.

After they managed to get onto the bridge, Olivia asked Anya, "Was that in Russian or…?"

"Yes, Russian." Anya looked over at Olivia with a timid smile. "Excuse me. I guess I should have warned you, but I'm not a very friendly driver."

Olivia reassured her with a smile. "It's okay. I'm used to it."

"Do you find my accent hard to understand?" Anya asked, looking towards the beautiful woman.

"No, not at all."

"Okay, good." Anya shrugged, "Some people do."

_Her accent makes her all the more intriguing, _Olivia thought. She turned her attention back to the tinted passenger side window to watch Manhattan move further away from her, wondering what this woman had in store for her this evening.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ch. 7**

Anya took the first exit from the bridge and after driving around a few blocks, she whipped her car into a tight parking spot on the street.

"Ah, so you _do_ know how to park legally?" Olivia joked, referring to Anya's previously double-parked car.

"Oh, it's not like you've never double-parked in your life, Olivia. Please. This _is_ New York." Anya laughed at the detective while she locked theft-deterring equipment on her steering wheel. She reached behind her seat, her body turning dangerously close to Olivia's, to grab a light sweater jacket, but couldn't reach it. She sat back down and started to get out of the car.

"I'm a cop. I can park wherever I want, but that doesn't mean that you can or should." Olivia reprimanded her. She reached behind herself for the jacket and handed it to Anya.

"Thank you." She acknowledged the kind gesture from the dark-haired woman before getting out of the car.

Olivia closed the shiny black door behind herself. She never really thought twice about grabbing the jacket for Anya, it was just in her nature, but it was nice for someone to have noticed. "We're going to a deli?" Olivia asked sarcastically, observing her surroundings.

"Well, that wasn't the original idea, but I have a feeling that you'll quash a critical part of my plan." Anya said walking towards the small bodega.

"And what was that?" Olivia said, following.

"Check the backseat."

Olivia hesitantly walked a step back to the car, as Anya clicked the keyless entry to unlock it. She opened the door, and looked down towards the floor where she found a bottle of white wine wrapped in a paper bag. Knowing that Anya had told her to wear a jacket tonight, she assumed they'd be outdoors and followed her thoughts. She shook her head and closed the door again. Anya relocked the doors. "Anya, don't put me in a position where I'm going to have to arrest you for consuming alcohol in public."

Anya shot her an aghast look, "Olivia, you wouldn't!" She studied the woman's face for an answer. "Would you?"

"Without even giving it a second thought." Olivia answered and walked back to Anya to head for the deli for a non-alcoholic beverage. "Surely you knew that was illegal and wasn't going to happen when you're out with a cop." She walked a half-step behind Anya and as they approached the door, Olivia opened it for her and guided her in by pressing her hand lightly onto the small of Anya's back. Anya couldn't help but blush at how gentle Olivia was with her. _She's so old-fashioned and doesn't even realize it._

"Not just _any_ cop…a detective." Anya said pointing an accusing finger at Olivia as she canvassed the aisles.

"All the more reason for me to not get in trouble. I've had enough of that this week." Olivia sighed.

Anya sighed, whimsically and melodramatically. "I guess I was just hoping you weren't so 'by the book.'" _But I love that she is._

"Sorry to disappoint."

Anya reached into one of the refrigerator doors, pulling out a non-alcoholic beverage. "I guess seltzer will do." Anya winked and headed towards the counter to pay. "Do you want anything?"

"Yeah, I'll have a coffee, I guess." Olivia said walking towards the station with multiple flavors and types of coffee. She stuck with the standard Columbian roast, hoping the flavor wouldn't be atrocious. As they walked out of the deli, she took a sip. _Eh, not bad._

Anya started walking down Clark Street and Olivia stood next to her, following her lead. "Will you tell me where we're going now?"

"Olivia, we're going to the Promenade." Anya reported as if she had expected her to figure it out. "Haven't you ever been?"

"I'm sure I have; it's just been a really long time." Olivia replied.

"That's what I thought." Anya said, leading the way.

After only a few blocks, the two women strolled down a path through the park before reaching the Brooklyn Promenade. The sun had already set and the moon hung low, but was rising over the water. It had been a long time since Olivia had come out here and after she saw the spectacular view of Lower Manhattan from the sidewalk, the sight took her breath away almost as if she'd never seen the city before that moment. The buildings sparkled in their watery reflection between the boroughs and despite that other people were present and the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway was above their heads, it was so peaceful there that she almost forgot that she was still in Brooklyn. Olivia took a seat on one of the park benches to just take in the view for a moment. She took a deep breath and another sip of her coffee, feeling a warm comfort wash over her.

"It's so beautiful, isn't it? Anya asked, walking away from Olivia. She leaned on the iron fence and was equally in awe of the view.

"Yeah, it is." Olivia answered. "I had forgotten all about this place."

"I come here all the time, even if it is a trek from my apartment." She said, not turning away from the city. "Sometimes I just need a reminder as to why I live here. A reminder that I belong here, maybe. There's so much negativity, so much struggle, and so much pain that you see all the time just by living here…" Her voice drifted, "sometimes I just need to fall in love with the city again to get a fresh start. So I come here." She laughed to herself. "And it works every time."

Olivia watched Anya as she spoke without reservation. She was either a very trusting individual or a very honest person with both herself and with others regardless of who was around. Olivia didn't think she could ever be like that, but she had a lot of respect for the woman in front of her because she was.

"When I met you this last Tuesday," Anya continued, turning around to face Olivia, "you seemed like you needed to fall in love with the city again too. I don't know what you do as a detective, and it's not my business unless you want to tell me, but I imagine that you deal with some pretty despicable people and see things you could never express with words. That's why we're here, Olivia, and I hope you don't mind."

Olivia stayed quiet, but felt her words cut through her. _She could not be more right._ Anya approached Olivia on the bench and reached out her hand.

"Come on," Anya said grabbing Olivia's tentative but outstretched hand, "let's walk." She had gotten so comfortable that she didn't really want to do anything, but Anya managed to lift Olivia from the bench with little struggle.


	8. Chapter 8

**Ch. 8**

The two women walked slowly side by side and shared small talk about New York in general. Nothing personal or even reminiscent. They paused between conversations and enjoyed the silence. Olivia thought about telling Anya that she was right about her job and considered telling her a few details about her life, most of which revolved around her work, but she was still trying to deflect the attention off of herself. She had finished her coffee and looked around for a trashcan.

"Are you finished with that?" Olivia nodded to Anya's almost empty bottle of seltzer.

"Yes, but I'm going to hang onto it until I can get home to recycle it."

Olivia smiled and left their path for just a moment to throw her paper cup into the trash. When Olivia walked back to meet up with Anya, her hands returned in her coat pockets, as usual. She decided to try and lighten the mood a little. She knew she had been so quiet with Anya and didn't want her to think she wasn't having a good time, because she was. "So…do you have a girlfriend?" She asked knowingly.

Anya laughed, hooking her left arm into Olivia's right, "Why? Are you interested in filling the position?" When Olivia avoided her question, she continued, "No, I don't." After a few paces, she went on. "What about you? Are you seeing anyone?" She intentionally left out any gender-specific pronouns in her question and her eyelashes fluttered at Olivia when she looked back at her. It made Olivia's heart skip a beat.

"I don't know." Olivia answered, somewhat honest, somewhat teasing the desperate woman. "To be honest, I haven't had much luck in a while."

_Hold on a minute, is Olivia actually going to start talking about herself?_ Anya thought, getting a little excited to hear what was going on with this woman. She wasn't about to interrupt; she knew the floodgates were about to open.

"I either meet total idiots or my job starts to interfere too much." Olivia continued. "Or men just fall for me way to quickly and, well, my job is too important to me so I'm not looking for that right now." She looked over at Anya.

"Can you blame them?" Anya's eyes bore into Olivia's before pinching her waist with her sharp nails.

Olivia gasped and jumped to the side still holding onto Anya's arm. She fretfully cleared her throat to regain her composure. She shrugged with a smirk, and turned her attention forward again, "I guess not." They had reached the end of the Promenade. Olivia took a glance towards the skyline again, before turning them around to head back in the other direction. "Mostly, though, men can't handle what I do for a living. I don't know why. Well, I guess that's not true. I have an idea, but…" Anya didn't speak for a second. She didn't want to encourage or discourage Olivia from opening up to her, but she could tell Olivia was having a hard time finding the words, if any.

"You don't have to talk about your work unless you want to, Olivia. I'm not the type to get off on gossip or pry into people's business. I get plenty of that working with queens and divas all day. Whatever you want to tell me, I'm here to listen, but if you don't want to go into it, that's okay too." She gave Olivia a reassuring smile, but half-heartedly, she was hoping Olivia would just talk to her. She fascinated her.

Olivia took a deep breath, then exhausted her answer to Anya, "I investigate sex crimes. All day, everyday, and oftentimes at night and on weekends." _There. It was out. The prima ballerina could take it or leave it, but at least I got it out._ When Anya didn't speak, Olivia continued out of nervousness, because she found that she really did care about what Anya thought of her. "It interferes a lot with my life because I'm essentially on-call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

"You must be a living saint to so many people." Anya commented finally.

"Heh, I don't know about that." Olivia looked around and spotted a bench up ahead. She needed to sit down. Anya felt the change of pace and unhooked her arm from Olivia's and walked to the bench where they both sat down a little ways from each other. Olivia faced the city, but Anya sat with her back against the arm of the bench, her knees pinned up against herself with one arm laying on the back of the bench for balance. "You were right in what you said back there, though." Olivia rested her hands in her lap, interlinking her fingers. "I see immeasurable amounts of pain in this city, everyday, and as hard as I try, I have a hard time not taking it home with me. The most recent date I went on to try get my mind off of my work, ended up being the most repulsive dating disaster I've ever experienced."

"What happened?" Anya asked cautiously.

"This is…somewhat confidential, okay?" Olivia looked over to Anya as she spoke. She wasn't going to reveal any details that hadn't already made it into the Post, but she still felt the need to forewarn Anya. She nodded. "My partner and I – his name is Elliot – we were investigating that subway rapist. You've probably read about it in the paper." Anya nodded again, remembering some of the terrible details. She kept her eyes on Olivia as she spoke, but Olivia directed her attention back towards the sparkling city lights.

Olivia explained that she had agreed to go on a date with a reporter who was covering snippets of the story. They had gone out for dim sum and drinks before heading back to Olivia's apartment, which she admitted was a brazen thing to do on a first date, but wasn't going to apologize for it. She went on to tell how things were going all right until he started to ask her strange details about her job, which made her uncomfortable, but she was just trying to get laid and so she brushed off his somewhat inappropriate comments.

"Until he decided that he wanted to play rape with me." Olivia bellowed, turning an angry and disgusted face over towards Anya.

"_Oh my god_!" Except it was in Russian. Anya covered her mouth with her hands after letting the words slip out, unfiltered. She couldn't help herself; she was shocked. "Olivia, are you okay?" Concern etched into her face as she reached out to the other woman to touch her shoulder.

"Yes, I'm fine." Olivia answered, frustrated and ticked off, but not at Anya. "I kicked him the fuck out!" Anya was relieved. "But it's not over yet."

"Oh." Anya said, concern coming back to her face and sitting back again against the bench arm.

"While I was in the bathroom washing every trace of my body that he had grazed his filthy fucking hands on, he found the confidential case file in my apartment and _that's_ how all those details got into the Post." Olivia snarled at herself, wringing her hands. She was getting angry all over again, although she confessed to herself that it was nice to have someone to talk to about it. "And because of that, I was almost on an unpaid suspension. I managed to get out of that, thank God, but I'll have to earn that lost respect back from my Captain. I screwed up and I screwed up big." Olivia laughed in spite of herself, trying desperately to turn this into something positive. "Like I said on Tuesday, it's been a helluva week."

"I'll say." Anya shook her head. "What an asshole."

"You can say that again." Olivia sat back against the bench, allowing one arm to lie on the armrest and she moved the other to lie on the back of the bench. As her arm fell, her hand dropped onto Anya's and she quickly pulled it away as she felt her soft skin brushing against her own hand. "Sorry."

"It's okay." She smiled and returned Olivia's hand to the back of the bench before it went too far away. Olivia allowed her fingers to cover Anya's hand, but she was unable to move. "Well, I hope your week has gotten at least a _little_ better since then." Olivia didn't answer, but gave the city a lopsided smile. _We're back to the silence again. Well, it was nice while it lasted, _Anya thought.

"You're hand is freezing, Anya…" Olivia looked over to the beautiful, quiet woman. "Are you cold?"

She smiled sheepishly, "A little. We should probably head back."

Olivia heard her, but made no moves to walk back to her car. "You didn't heed your own advice to wear a warm jacket."

"I know. I'm good at that." Anya took her hand back from under Olivia's and rolled herself up a little to keep warm.

Olivia had a feeling she was going to regret allowing her thoughts to be vocalized, but she didn't want to leave. "Come here, my jacket is much warmer than yours."


	9. Chapter 9

**Ch. 9**

Anya shook her head and tugged at her own sweater to cover herself more. "I'm not taking your jacket." Although she wouldn't have minded, really.

"No, you're not, but you can come here and be warmer for a little while since I'm not ready to leave." Anya hesitated for a moment, but brought her legs down from the bench and slid over to Olivia, trying to remain calm. "It's okay," Olivia reassured her as she moved Anya's arms around and underneath the bottom of her coat. Anya's hands moved upwards beneath Olivia's jacket so that the soft leather would cover her arms. She was so warm, but Anya kept her hands still as to not make Olivia uncomfortable. She knew at any moment that Olivia would pull away if she weren't careful.

Olivia took her arm around Anya and pulled her closer and Anya allowed her head to fall onto Olivia's shoulder. _Ok, I'm warm now, but perhaps a little too warm. My head is spinning…so much so that I'm starting to feel a little drunk. Oh, Olivia, you really are torturing me._

_This was a bad idea_, Olivia thought. _What was I thinking? I don't even know. It's true that I didn't want to leave and I really am enjoying my time with her, but now she's leaning on me with her hands under my jacket and…_Olivia held her breath as she felt Anya's fingers lightly touch the skin underneath her shirt. She inhaled quietly to kick start her breathing again and try to relax. _Her hair smells like roses and her fingers are softly touching me at my side. I know I'm not gay, but why does everything just feel so right with her? Maybe I should just let it be. What am I so afraid of anyway? _Olivia moved her hand slowly from Anya's back and gently ran her fingers through her hair. Casually and soothingly, she returned her hands to the top of her head and ran her long fingers down through the curls, brushed the back of her neck with her nails, before continuing halfway down her back where the curls ended. She repeated the combing and smoothing of Anya's hair again and again, growing more tender and relaxed with each touch.

Her fingers felt like honey dripping down Anya's back and she couldn't help but tense up and feel her heart racing. She wanted to lay Olivia back onto the bench and lay on top of her, kissing her, making love to her. It was clear that Olivia was starting to let go of her inhibitions, but she was unsure how long it would last.

The silence between them had become obvious to Olivia. Somehow she wasn't uncomfortable about it, but she could tell that Anya was. She could feel her heart beating quickly against her own chest and her hands were gripping the leather as if she'd fall over if she let go. "Now who needs to relax, hmm?" Anya snickered into Olivia's jacket until Olivia's other hand came for her chin, directing her face to look up at the beautiful, sable-eyed detective. She gazed into her green eyes and tucked one of her fair locks behind her ear for a better look at her face. "Thank you for bringing me here with you," Olivia said with a smile.

Anya averted her eyes playfully. "The pleasure was all mine."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Olivia answered; leaning in to what she knew would result in a kiss. She had never kissed another woman before, but she was finding this one completely irresistible. She was not like the other women that flirted with Olivia in bars or on the job. She was sincere with herself and with others, she didn't have shallow intentions, and she was passionate about her work…and, of course, she was gorgeous. As she closed her eyes, she watched as Anya did the same, turning her head slightly to the right in order to catch Olivia's lips with her own.

Olivia's phone started ringing and she fluttered her eyes open and found that Anya had opened hers with a look of utter disenchantment seeping from them. Olivia backed away from Anya and gave her a sorry look as she reached into her pocket for the phone. It was Elliot, of course. Who else in the world would know to call in the perfectly wrong moment but someone from the precinct?

Exasperated, Olivia answered the phone, "Benson."

"Olivia, hey, it's Elliot."

"Yeah, I know. I thought you were taking a long weekend."

"You know how that goes, Liv." He said with a deep sigh. Obviously his plans had been ruined just like hers had.

"What time is it?" Olivia asked.

"Almost 11, did I wake you?"

"No, I was just wondering. So what's up?"

"We've got a 16-year-old vic here. She won't talk to me, but I think she'll talk to you."

"Okay, where is she?"

"St. Vincent's on 11th. How soon can you get here?"

"It might take me a little while, El. Is Jeffries available to cover until I can get there?"

"I don't know. I haven't called her, why? You can't make it?"

"No, I mean, yes, I can get there, but I'm in Brooklyn."

"Brooklyn?"

"I'm just over the bridge. It may not take that long."

"Okay, just get here as soon as you can, Liv."

Olivia closed her phone and turned over to Anya. Her shoulders sunk as she let out a deep sigh. "I'm sorry, Anya, but I have to go."

"Don't apologize. Really. It's okay." Anya stood up from the bench, and pulled her sweater tighter around her waist and tied the knit belt over her belly.

"Can I trouble you for a ride to St. Vincent's?"   
"No, I'm just going to leave you here freezing on a park bench," she remarked with sarcasm. "Of course you can have a ride." She reached her hand out to Olivia, who was not budging from the bench. "Come on, Olivia." 

She took her hand and rose from the bench. Anya instinctively hooked her right arm around Olivia's left as they walked back towards her car. Before getting into the car, Anya stopped into the deli again and bought Olivia another cup of coffee so she could stay awake for what was sure to be a long night ahead.

Anya drove as furiously as she had before, heading in the direction towards the hospital. She was disappointed that her night with Olivia had been cut off so abruptly and with such ghastly timing, but she was pleased that Olivia had opened up to her a little and was confident that they would go out again. She smiled to herself, enjoying Olivia's hand resting on her leg as she drove, affectionately caressing her.

She pulled up to the emergency room and saw someone standing outside in a long coat as if he was waiting for someone. Anya assumed that he was probably Olivia's partner. He didn't see Olivia sitting in the passenger's side as she pulled around the emergency room entrance. Anya put the car in park a little past the door to allow room for emergency vehicles and turned to Olivia. Olivia opened her mouth to speak. With the look in her eyes, Anya knew she was probably going to apologize.

"Don't, Olivia." Anya cut off her thoughts. "Please." She paused, before reaching her hand out to Olivia's face. "As much as I want to be with you, someone else in there needs you far more than I do right now. I understand. You don't have to apologize or explain."

"I had a great time, Anya." Olivia said. _It's been too long since I've had this of a great time with anyone._

"I know."

Olivia held the back of Anya's neck and brought her face closer. She paused only for a second before she leaned in to kiss her. Anya accepted her lips on her own, locking them together. She tangled her fingers into Anya's hair as she opened her mouth slightly, breathing her in and deepening the kiss. Her heart was tight and her stomach was in knots, she wanted this kiss to continue to see where it would lead to, but she knew she had to go.

Anya pulled back from Olivia and brushed her thumb lightly over Olivia's wet lips. She smiled. "I think Elliot is waiting for you."

Olivia smiled. She opened the car door and stepped out with her coffee. "Goodnight."

"Liv!" Elliot called out to her when he saw her emerge from the black car.

Olivia turned around to see Elliot rushing over to her. He stopped before getting too close to the car, not wanting to invade her privacy. It was time for her to swallow her emotions and put her game face on. Anya noticed the change in her posture and attitude the second she turned to see Elliot coming. Just before Olivia closed the car door, Anya grabbed the ballet program from the side pocket of her car and called out to Olivia. Olivia turned back to the car and pulled the door back again, ducking into the car.

"You forgot this…for your friend." She said, handing her the program.

Olivia thanked her, gave her a quick smile, and then turned her attention to Elliot who was waving her to get into the ER.


	10. Chapter 10

**Ch. 10**

Olivia's night in the ER with Elliot, the victim, and the victim's father went well on through the night. The victim didn't want to speak with her father or Elliot in the room because she was overcome with shame and embarrassment. She didn't want her father to know anything about the suspect, which had Olivia wondering if perhaps he knew the person that had attacked his daughter. The look on her father's face was just as shattering as the girl's as she screamed at him to leave so she could talk to Olivia alone. Olivia knew she recognized the man's face, but couldn't place it.

Once Elliot and the father left her hospital room, the girl fell onto Olivia's shoulders and sobbed. After a few moments, she was able to tell Olivia as much as she could about what had happened only hours before. The attack was violent, but it was a pattern that Olivia had heard on many occasions and felt confident that she could locate who had done this to her. She wasn't able to describe the man, but her behavior indicated that she did have an idea of who it was. She wasn't ready to divulge that information and Olivia wasn't going to push her right away, but knew she would have to draw it out of her later. They didn't keep her until morning, but there were of course many details to go over at a later time after the girl had gotten some rest.

After they made certain that she would get home safely with her father, Elliot gave Olivia a ride home before making the much longer trip out to his home in Queens. Both of them were exhausted so the only noise for a while were raindrops that started to fall onto the car. "The father…" Olivia's voice trailed off, trying to place where she had seen the young girl's father before. "Should I know him? I feel like I should."

"Yeah, I'm sure you know him." Elliot remarked. "He's a defense attorney, but we don't really see him much. I'm almost positive that the perp was one of his clients."

"It's a good place to start anyway." Olivia sighed. She was so tired and despite how dramatically the mood of the evening had changed, she was looking forward to collapsing into her soft bed to sleep for hours. "So how much time did you get with the family before being called back to town?" Olivia asked.

"About two and a half days, which was more than usual." Elliot said, turning on the windshield wipers. "But I of course ruined the weekend. I'm not sure who's angrier: Kathy or Maureen. Either way, I don't know if I'll go back and meet up with them tomorrow."

"They're still out on Long Island?" Olivia asked.

"Yep."

"But you have the car."

"Kathy knew I'd get called back to the city. We drove separately." He turned the car around a corner, approaching Olivia's apartment building. "Who was your friend in the fancy car?"

Olivia looked back out the window and smiled to herself. "Just a new friend."

"Yeah? The dancer?" Elliot said slowing the car to a stop in front of her brownstone.

"Maybe." Olivia buttoned up her jacket and had her hand on the door handle to get out. "Are you all right to get home? You can sleep on my couch, you know."

"Naw, I'm all right."

"Suit yourself. Goodnight." Olivia got out of the car.

"'Night, Liv." Elliot waited for her to wave at him as she went through the front doors before he drove away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Ch. 11**

A few days later, Elliot and Olivia had successfully tracked down the young girl's attacker and were arresting him at his dive apartment on the Lower East Side. As they had suspected, the perp had been a former client of the attorney's and was recently let out on parole. Elliot was shoving the suspect into a beat cop's car to be taken in for booking when Olivia's phone rang.

"Benson."

"Do you always answer your phone like that?" 

It was Anya. Olivia laughed a little and leaned against the driver's side of the car, waiting for Elliot. "Yeah, I guess I do."

"Am I interrupting anything?" She asked.

"No, not really. El and I just made an arrest so we're feeling pretty good right now."

"Oh, congratulations."

"Well, it's always a little bittersweet, but thanks." To Elliot, "Hey, will you drive?" She asked, but the keys were already in the air heading his way to catch. They hit the ground and Elliot bent down to pick them up. "Nice catch, Stabler." Olivia walked to the other side of the car and got in. Elliot soon followed assuming the driving role and started the car. Returning to the conversation with Anya, "so what's up?"

"I found your card in my jacket from the other night. I don't remember you putting it in the pocket – that was slick, Olivia."

"You liked that?" Olivia smiled, proud of her little trick. "I thought you might."

As Elliot drove them back to the precinct, he got caught in traffic and cursed loudly to no one, but loud enough for Anya to have heard. "Who is that cursing up a storm?"

"My partner, Elliot. I told you I was used to unfriendly drivers." Olivia reminded.

"Hey, who are you talking to? I am _not_ an unfriendly driver. That guy just cut us off!" Elliot said in his defense.

"It was a joke, El." Back to Anya, "hey, would you like to come out with us tonight?" Olivia asked, suddenly thinking twice about her invitation. Maybe hanging out with a bunch of detectives in a cop bar wasn't Anya's idea of a good time.

"Yeah, I think I could make it. Where?" Olivia was glad she was willing to come out with them. She also kind of assumed that things wouldn't be so charged between them if they were at a bar with a bunch of drunken cops. Olivia still hadn't really thought things through in her mind about the kiss they had shared last Saturday. She wasn't opposed to the idea; it was just different and needed to be handled with caution. It was clear that Anya was very open about her sexuality with others, but Olivia hoped that she would be patient with her as she was going through a multitude of emotional and physical questions.

Olivia relayed the details and location of the bar to Anya, and then closed the conversation as they arrived at central booking. An officer was escorting in the suspect in the other car. Elliot shut off the car, but locked the doors as Olivia grabbed the handle. "You're _not_ getting out of this car until you tell me who that was."

"Elliot, come on." Olivia said, knowing that they had more important work to do at the moment.

"I just want to know who's coming out with us. It's not that guy from narcotics is it?" He asked.

"What?! No. Give me some credit, I do have _some_ taste." Olivia responded.

"Eh, not so much lately, Liv." Elliot smiled and thought again, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Olivia pulled up the lock on the door and attempted to open it to escape, but Elliot quickly pushed the automatic lock button again. "Hold on. Hold on. Is it the dancer…well, is it?" Elliot looked over at his partner. Olivia kept a stone cold façade.

"Her name is Anya, not 'the dancer.' And yes, I invited her. Is that okay with you?" 

"Of course. I just thought you had another date and I needed to know if he required any screening after…well, I think you know."

"I don't think you'll have to worry about that, El. You have enough to worry about. I can take care of myself." Even though she said it, she liked that Elliot looked after her sometimes, but she also knew that he would always be protective of her whether she wanted him to be or not. "Now can we go?" Olivia said, lifting the door lock again to get out of the car. The two walked into the building to close out their day.


	12. Chapter 12

**Ch. 12**

Anya arrived at the bar an hour late, but after one look at her, Olivia knew she was worth the wait. She was dressed down in athletic-like clothing with her hair in a tight, damp ponytail. The t-shirt she wore was loose, and the neck was cut out so that it was barely held up by her shoulders. She also carried a small duffle bag that had ABT's name and logo on it, which Olivia assumed was her version of a briefcase or in her case, a gun holster. For anyone else, she would have looked sloppy or undone, but on Anya, it looked intentional and the carefree look suited her. Not to mention, even though the clothes weren't tight or revealing in a traditional way, she still exposed quite a bit of skin.

Anya scanned the bar, knowing she was out of place with the amount of stares she was getting from the other officers, but didn't let it phase her. She found Olivia, who was waving her over, and approached the detectives' booth.

As Anya approached, Elliot and Olivia rose from the table to allow Anya to sit in the corner. Olivia sat back down next to her and Elliot moved to the other side to sit with Detective Munch. Detective Jeffries had left only ten minutes prior for a date with someone. Stabler offered to take her bag and placed it in the other corner next to Munch. When she sat down next to Olivia, she indifferently kissed her cheek as a greeting. _She smells like roses again. _Olivia observed. _It must be her shampoo, but whatever it is, it's invigorating._

"Hi, sorry I'm a little late. Rehearsal ran over and I didn't really have time to change. Hope you don't mind." She waved over to a waitress to order a Stoli and cranberry juice.

"Naw, you look fine." Elliot remarked. "This isn't the Rainbow Room."

"You're not kidding." Munch said. In an attempt to make Anya more comfortable among the detectives as well as to try and impress her, he spoke to her in his broken Russian. "_Hey, I wanted to thank you for signing that program for my ex. She really liked it_."

Anya smiled and replied her native tongue, "Your Russian is not bad, detective. It was nothing to sign that for her." Anya said, smiling. "Although it did take me for a walk down memory lane."

As Munch and Anya talked, Olivia and Elliot exchanged glances, both suspiciously wondering if they were talking about them. "I'm not sure how I feel about this," Elliot commented to Olivia, taking a swig of his beer.

Munch continued in Russian to Anya, "I trust your stroll down memory lane took you to a pleasant position?"

She laughed at his misspeak, but knew what he meant. She avoided his question. "_If you or she ever want to go and see a performance, I could set it up for you_."

"_I may take you up on that_." Munch said with a smirk.

Anya laughed, tossing her head back. "_Just say the word_." She smiled sarcastically. She looked over to Olivia, who was confused and wondering when she and Elliot would be included in the conversation. She returned to English and turned back to John, "it would be my pleasure."

Anya's drink arrived and the detectives discussed their recent closed case with a sense of satisfaction of doing right by their young victim. As the evening wore on, the conversations and drinks flowed at an even pace. Anya was fairly certain that John and Elliot didn't know about her and Olivia's date last Saturday night and she did her best to not let on about anything that might have been going on between her and Olivia. Olivia looked sexy in her perfectly fitted button down camel-colored shirt and brown slacks and despite how much she was struggling not to touch Olivia in some way, she refrained out of respect.

She noticed that Olivia wasn't any more forthcoming in the presence of her co-workers than she was with herself. This surprised her, assuming that the only reason why she was so shielding of herself was to protect others of her job. The fact that she kept her walls up around her partner and fellow detectives told Anya that there was definitely more to Olivia's melancholy than what met the eye. After a few drinks though, Olivia was able to relax more and chime in with commentary at John's musings.

Later in the evening, Anya excused herself from the table to go to the restroom. Moments after she left, Elliot's phone rang. He mentioned to Munch and Olivia that the call was from Kathy and his time with them was probably coming to a close. He rose from the table to take the call outside, leaving John and Olivia at the table alone. Olivia sat quietly, taking swigs of her drink and looking around. John amused himself by watching Olivia who was clearly under pressure and lost in her own thoughts.

"Kind of a noisy and crowded place to bring a date don't you think, Olivia?" He asked, breaking the silence.

Olivia's eyes darted towards Munch's. She stopped mid-drink of her beer, pulled the bottle down from her mouth to the table before gradually swallowing the gulp of liquid. "Excuse me?" She said, shooting him a nasty look.

"I know it's none of my business—" John continued.

"You're damn right it's not." Olivia snapped, turning her body towards him.

"I know, I know." John said raising his hands defensively and taking another drink. He ignored Olivia's clear warning and trespassed further. "But, look Liv, I know from personal experience that Russian women get whatever they want, when they want it. And right now, Anya's got her bow stretched and an arrow pointed directly at you." He said pointing at her. Olivia didn't answer, except with threatening glares. "I'm not going to judge you or get into your personal business—"

"Too late for that don't you think?" Olivia snarled.

He leaned over the table to speak directly. "If you aren't on the same page as she is, I think you had better just make your own intentions very clear, very soon. That's all." John sat back in the booth.

"Thanks, but I think I've got it under control." Olivia sat back and took another drink from her beer, which was almost empty. _Who am I kidding; I have absolutely no control over this situation with Anya._ Olivia was fuming mad, assuming that Anya had relayed information about their previous date (_is that what that was?) _to Detective Munch when the two were speaking in Russian to one another earlier in the evening and Anya was definitely looking over at Olivia like she was sharing some kind of secret with her co-worker. It even made Elliot uncomfortable so she could be certain she wasn't just reading into things too much.

Olivia noticed that she had been meticulously picking away at her beer bottle's label and biting the inside of her lower lip out of pure anger and possibly even embarrassment. She rose from the table without another word to John and aggressively brushed by Elliot as he came back to the table without even looking at him in the eye.

Elliot sat down next to Munch and looked from Olivia to John then spoke to John. "What's with Liv?" He asked.

"I think I might have accidentally lit a fuse." John admitted, but didn't go into it further.

Olivia made her way past the other tables and pressed through a crowd of officers to the bathroom. She shoved the door open with such an amazing force that it made Anya's shoulders jump when she entered. She was applying lipstick in the mirror and two other officers were on their way out when Olivia burst through the door.

"What the _fuck_ did you tell John?" Olivia yelled at the woman. The two officers exchanged glances at one another before hurriedly exiting the room.

_My God, this woman has a temper! _Anya thought to herself, feeling her own short fuse strike a match at being yelled at in public for no apparent reason. She slowly leaned back from the mirror and snapped the lipstick back into its case before returning it to her purse. She stood straight and crossed her arms over her chest, raising an eyebrow at Olivia's attack before speaking. "What are you talking about?"

"Earlier tonight," Olivia continued in a similar tone, but maintaining her distance from the slightly taller woman, "when you were speaking in Russian, what did you tell him about us?"

"Us?" Anya asked confused. "We didn't discuss _you_ at all. He thanked me for signing the program for his ex-wife. That's it. What jumped up your skirt, Olivia?"

Olivia suddenly felt foolish, but her embarrassment was masked by her temper as she refused to relent on Anya. She had to take out her frustration on someone and Anya was the only other person in the room. She let out an exasperated sigh. "Well, regardless, Anya, whatever you think is going to happen between the two of us is not going to happen."

"Going to happen?" Anya interrupted, cocking her head to the side. "You speak in future tense, and yet, things have already happened or have you forgotten?"

"No, I haven't forgotten, but it can't continue." Olivia bit her bottom lip, knowing she was being far more defensive than necessary and was starting to feel bad about it.

"I see." Anya said stepping away from the sink and approaching Olivia to challenge her.

Anya's close proximately to her started to crumble Olivia's determination, and in order to continue to protect herself and her insecurities; she allowed her tipsy tongue to speak unfiltered. "I'm sorry, Anya." She took a step back. "I like you. I like going out with you. And you're…" She paused. "You're gorgeous …but I'm not gay. I'm just not." Olivia held her hands out and open, pleading for Anya to understand her position. Anya stood and glanced up and down Olivia's body before arriving back at her beautiful brown, but perpetually sad eyes.

"Okay." Anya said unapologetically. She passed Olivia and headed to the door and had her hand on the handle to exit, but instead of leaving, she spun around on her heels. "Let me make sure that I understand this correctly, Olivia." She walked towards the detective cautiously, keeping her eyes locked on her. "You like going out with me." Olivia took a step backwards to avoid being closed in by Anya. Anya took another step closer, "you like me." Olivia took another step back and Anya continued her crusade forward. "You think I'm…what did you say? Oh yes, _gorgeous_, I think is what you said." She sauntered another step into Olivia's space, knowing she wouldn't have anywhere to go soon. "Am I off track yet?" Olivia felt the wall behind her and the ferocity of Anya's eyes burning into her. Olivia could take down a suspect with her bare hands, but she could not even begin to stop Anya. She had been thoroughly sabotaged and felt a sense of panic consume her. "But you're not gay." Anya closed the space between them and put her hand over Olivia's shoulder, leaning against it, and trapping Olivia in the corner of the room. "I hate to break it to you, Olivia, but I just don't see the problem here."

"Anya, please." Olivia whispered, looking up at her.

"Please what? Please touch you? Because that is what you want, isn't it?" Anya's emerald eyes sparkled as she lowered her hand on the wall to touch Olivia's hips. She gripped her hand around Olivia's waist, and then leisurely caressed her thumb over her stomach. "Are you to stand there and tell me that you feel nothing right now, Olivia?" She pressed her own hips against Olivia's. "And what if I lowered my lips to kiss you as _you_ kissed _me_ in my car last week? Would you stop me?" Anya lowered her head and lifted Olivia's chin in an effort to kiss the detective. Olivia's blood coursed through her veins and she knew she would not be able to prevent Anya from controlling her. She wanted this woman, but couldn't explain why when she had never been attracted to women before her.

Anya didn't kiss her. She stepped away from the detective and turned towards the mirror, using her fingers to tame stray ringlets of hair before turning back to Olivia. "I'm going to go out there and finish my drink. I'm leaving it in your hands as to whether I stay for another or not." And with that, Anya exited the room without another word or glance to Olivia.


	13. Chapter 13

**Ch. 13**

When Anya returned to the table, she was a little surprised that neither of the other detectives asked if everything was all right, but instead dove right into another conversation, inquiring her about her job as a dancer.

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Olivia was cupping cold water in her hands before splashing it on her face. She couldn't tell if she was drunk or if it was more complicated than that. Was she angry, depressed, lonely, or just intoxicated with the notion of being with Anya? The stunt that Anya had pulled in regaining control over her by pressing her against the wall and testing her reflexes and reactions infuriated Olivia, but it also aroused her. In that moment, she had wanted nothing more than to shove Anya back and touch every inch of her skin and smother her with her mouth. John was right about Anya that only pissed Olivia off more.

Olivia cupped another pool of cold water in her hands and sighed into it as it sloshed over her face. She clung to the edge of the sink and looked at herself in the mirror, watching the drops of water drip from her cheeks, nose, eyelashes, and chin. "What are you doing, Olivia?" She asked herself, although she couldn't answer her own question. She turned to the paper towels and took more than she needed and pat her face dry. She ran her fingers through her hair to eradicate any indications of moisture from the tips of her hair. _Jesus, I need to get it together._ She took in a deep breath and allowed the air to exhale from her lungs quickly as she exited the bathroom to return to the table with her co-workers and…_my date? My friend? Who is she to me?_ Anya.

As Olivia approached the table, Anya's eyes shot up and bore into Olivia's, but they were complimented with a cruel smirk at the shattered woman. Olivia sat back down next to Anya and immediately noticed that the woman's drink was almost empty, which meant she would have to make a decision much quicker than she had originally anticipated. She tried to act as if everything was fine, so she did what she always did: deflected the attention to someone else. In that moment, the only person that didn't seem to know what was going on was Elliot. She asked him about his conversation with Kathy. He told them that she was asking when he'd be home. Everyone understood that it meant that Elliot would be heading home to Queens soon once he had sobered up.

Anya's sipped the last of her vodka and cranberry before pushing the empty glass forward. She sat back and sighed, looked over to Olivia, then back to the detectives across the table. When Olivia didn't say anything, Anya shifted in her seat in an effort to get up. "Well, it was a pleasure to meet you both, but I think I'm going to call it a night."_ Wait!_ Olivia thought to herself. _I don't really want her to leave._

"Wow, someone is actually going home before you, Stabler." Munch remarked.

Olivia's thoughts bounced back and forth in her mind faster than Forrest Gump could hit a ping pong ball until she noticed that Anya had stepped over the back of the bench to leave. Did she not want her to leave because she was attracted to her or was she just lonely? The last time she was drunk and lonely, she had gone home with a co-worker and that ended up being a huge mistake. She didn't want to make that mistake again. But she also didn't think that this was the case with Anya. She genuinely liked and respected her. And she was gorgeous. _Damn, is she gorgeous_. All she could think about was the moment they shared in the bathroom, how completely taken she was by the woman and then she remembered their kiss in her car from last Saturday and how thrilling it had been.

Olivia instinctively reached for Anya's hand and grabbed it. "Wait." Olivia pleaded, but quickly regained her composure. Anya turned and looked down at her, raising an eyebrow. "Um, it's still early. You don't really need to leave right now, do you?"

Anya tugged and twirled the ends of one of her sandy locks, reading Olivia's thoughts before looking to the detectives. "No, I guess not."

"Then why don't you stay and have a shot with us?" Anya nodded and Olivia released her hand so that Anya could return to her seat on the bench.

Despite that it was Olivia's idea and she wanted whiskey, she was battered with the idea of vodka at Anya and Munch's insistence and eventually gave into them both. The waitress brought the four shot glasses to the table, not knowing that Elliot wouldn't be joining them. Elliot declined his drink, and passed it to a former co-worker from homicide sitting behind him. Olivia downed hers right away, as Munch was attempting to say something prolific.

John turned his attention to Anya after noticing that Olivia had already taken her shot. "She has no respect for me." Anya laughed a little, but Munch continued in Russian, "_Although I understand why you'd pursue her_." Anya blushed a little and smirked at the veteran detective.

She and the homicide detective waited for Munch to finish his toasting commentary in English before they drank their shots together. As Munch put the glass to his lips, he looked again to Anya and smiled, "_Good luck, my dear_."


	14. Chapter 14

**Ch. 14**

After only a few minutes, Olivia turned to Anya in the booth and asked her if she wanted another shot. _She's trying to get me drunk. _Anya thought with a slow blink of her eyes. She leaned over towards Olivia's ear and purred so low that no one could hear her but Olivia, "You don't need to get me drunk to get me to touch you."

As she spoke, she moved her right hand slowly from the table where she was holding a tall glass of water down to Olivia's knee. Anya massaged her knee, moving to the inside and underside of Olivia's leg and gave her a shy smile before returning her attention back to the table to continue the conversation as if nothing was going on. Olivia immediately tensed up, but didn't remove Anya's hand. _She's just touching my knee; it's okay. We're just fine. Just talk to Elliot. Ask about the twins. Just ask him something. Say something. It's fine. I'm fine. Oh, shit._ Anya's hand moved slowly up her leg and teased the top and inside of her thigh. _I should stop this. How can she possibly be having a conversation about politics with Munch right now? I need to stop her._ But Olivia didn't and as seconds turned into painful minutes, Olivia was getting warmer and more paranoid. Her mouth was dry and her heart beat harder in her chest. _I really should stop this…but…_

Olivia shifted her seat forward and put her elbows on the table. She attempted to join the conversation but had no clue as to what Munch, Stabler, and the unfamiliar homicide detective were talking about. She allowed the space between her legs to increase, and Anya took her cue. She moved closer to the table as well to keep her hand in the dark shadows of the table. She gradually allowed her fingers to move up Olivia's leg before resting between Olivia's thighs. Olivia's physical response was immediate as her hips relaxed onto Anya's hand. Worried that she had crossed the line, Anya removed her hand.

Disappointed in the loss of contact, Olivia slowly took her own hand from the table and found Anya's in her lap and guided her hand back to between her legs. _She started this and now she's damn well going to finish._ Anya's stomach fluttered with excitement and gave herself a little sneer at Olivia's shameless choice. While she knew Olivia was not aware of her surroundings, Anya tried desperately to keep involved in the conversation about various theories and political debates with the male detectives across from her. She knew that if neither one of them commented, that they would definitely be deemed suspicious and eventually caught.

She was slow and gentle with her fingers, but didn't give Olivia so much as a glance or flash of her eyelashes, knowing they'd crack if she did. She pressed her fingers against her harder and Olivia held in a deep breath and biting her tongue to contain any sounds that would have ordinarily come out of her mouth. The liquor started to take its affect on Olivia and she was worried that the alcohol would make it more difficult to remain quiet and indifferent as Anya touched her. She hoped to God that John and Elliot were not talking to her or about her because she was so far away from the conversation at hand and really didn't want to be brought back. They certainly appeared to be oblivious, especially since Anya continued to talk, but she herself begged to be left out of the conversation. _Goddamn, this woman…oh god…_

Anya could feel that Olivia was wet beneath the soft brown fabric of her slacks and it made her bite her lip to contain a moan of her own. She wanted to taste Olivia, but was thoroughly enjoying the game she played with the other woman. She found that her own mouth was parched and she took a drink of water using her other hand. It wasn't the same.

She could feel that Olivia was getting tense and knew she wouldn't be able to keep her composure for much longer, and was a little worried that her co-workers would figure out what was going on under the table. They were detectives after all, but the benefits far outweighed the risks in her mind, so she continued to play. She got a little riskier and pushed her middle finger hard against the area of Olivia's slacks that covered her clit, holding the pressure between her legs, and easing it deeper and deeper against her. With that one movement, Olivia knew she had to stop Anya or they were unquestionably going to get caught and Olivia knew she couldn't bear the embarrassment or the potential of lost respect. She reached over to Anya's right thigh and dug her nails into her flesh through her running pants, but as she did, she got lost in the feeling between her legs and again wasn't sure if she was pleading with her to stop or to continue. Before she was able to bring her hand back to Anya's to stop her, Anya pressed hard against the fabric covering her clit again, stroking her audaciously, which brought out an unexpected yelp of pleasure from Olivia's mouth.

Anya immediately removed her hand as she turned to Olivia with a mock-confused look. All eyes were on Olivia, actually, and all she could do was close her legs, run her fingers through her hair nervously, and search her mind for something to say as an explanation for her completely uncharacteristic outburst. She laughed uneasily, "Sorry, my back. You know, uh, a random spasm from an old injury from working vice." She was a horrible liar and no one was convinced, but they didn't pry.

Except that she wasn't entirely lying. She'd definitely experienced a spasm of some kind, just not in her back. But the spasm had been incomplete and she was not content with being left hanging in the booth of that bar. She looked at her watch. It was late, she decided, even though it wasn't really. "It's late; I think I'm going to go."

"Yeah, I suppose I'm ready to go too." Elliot remarked, knowing he was finally okay to drive back to Queens. Anya retrieved her bag back from Elliot and the four left the bar after paying out their respective tabs.

"You want to split a taxi?" Munch asked Olivia, knowing they were going in a similar direction. Although after he said it, he remembered that Anya probably wanted to escort the detective home and internally cursed his faux pas.

"Um," Olivia stammered, really wanting to split a taxi with the other woman in their party.

"Good idea." Anya chimed in after Olivia couldn't come up with a good reason why they shouldn't. "Elliot, you're going uptown, aren't you?"

"Well, sort of. Queens." He explained. "You need a ride?" 

"Oh, I didn't realize you were going to Queens. No, I'd be out of the way for you. I'll take the subway, it's okay." Anya asked.

"Are you sure?" Elliot asked.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"But – " Olivia protested. Munch had already hailed a cab and was waiting for her.

"Your taxi's waiting, Olivia." Anya said with a smirk. "Thanks for inviting me out tonight. It was nice to meet your fellow officers." She spoke so unceremoniously that Olivia wasn't sure what was going on. _That was her hand between my legs just a second ago, right? What is she doing? _She asked herself in total disbelief. Anya shook Munch and Stabler's hands before turning to Olivia. "Give me a call." She opened her mouth seductively and gave Olivia a wink before she spun around to head towards the subway station. _Oh my god, she's just going to leave me here. What a fucking tease._

Elliot walked over to Olivia and watched Anya walk away. He gave her an abrupt elbow nudge towards the taxi, breaking Olivia out of her trance. "Finally getting a taste of your own medicine, aren't you?


	15. Chapter 15

**Ch. 15**

Olivia was feeling especially stubborn and scorned after Anya's deliberate teasing at the bar and decided that she wasn't going to call Anya. At least not yet. Her resilience against calling Anya was not without testing; however, and it didn't help that Elliot and John were letting their imaginations run away with them behind her back.

The precinct was in over their heads with a particular case anyway, pulling late nights for three consecutive days, so Olivia had a good excuse for not calling Anya at first. At least, that's what she told herself. _Two could play at this game._ Although Olivia wasn't entirely convinced that she was the one winning.

Eventually, after plenty of time had passed to silently express Olivia's disapproval at being toyed with, Olivia decided to make the call to Anya to see if she was available to go out this coming Saturday. Anya had far too much control over her and it was time to turn the tables on her. Olivia rose from her desk with her cell phone and walked up the stairs to get a little more privacy. She pulled out Anya's business card from her pocket and punched the numbers into her phone.

After only one ring, Anya answered the phone, "Hello, this is Anya." She was taking a break from rehearsal, but sat on the floor of the studio with a few other dancers, stretching.

"That was a _nasty_ little trick you played with me the other night, Ms. Krilov." Olivia jabbed into the speaker of her phone.

"Excuse me? The other night? That was over a week ago, _Ms. Benson_." Anya played back.

"It's Detective Benson."

"Oh, I do apologize, _detective_. How dare I?" Anya used that playfully patronizing tone again. She laughed. " I don't mean to rush you, but I am due back in rehearsal soon so what can I do for you, detective?" She held the phone to her ear as she bent over her legs, pulling back on her feet to loosen the calf and lower thigh muscles.

"I was calling to see what you were doing this Saturday. I ordinarily have a hard time planning ahead for obvious reasons, but I wanted to see if you wanted to set something up tentatively." She was pacing and somewhat babbling so she decided to sit down on the couch and shut up.

"Well, I have rehearsal again, but I should be out by the evening. What did you have in mind?"

"Um, nothing actually. I thought maybe you'd have a suggestion." Olivia said, rubbing the back of her neck in an attempt to settle her nerves.

"Hmm…let me think for a second." Anya split her legs apart with one in front and one behind. She pulled her back leg up with her hand, pulling it towards her shoulders and moaned into the stretch while still maintaining the phone on her ear. The soft moan into the phone made Olivia a little curious as to what was happening on the other end of the phone, but she didn't say anything. "Do you like live music?"

"Yeah, almost all kinds." Olivia answered.

"Okay. There's a little jazz and supper club in your neighborhood that I go to every now and then. It's a bit of a hole in the wall, but they always have great music and they welcome a mixed crowd." Anya suggested, changing her stretch to the opposite leg. "Would that interest you?"

"Sure." Olivia shrugged to herself. She really didn't care. She just wanted to see her again.

"Good." Anya said, pleased. She changed her stretch to an upside down butterfly with her elbows and stomach on the ground and her legs in a diamond behind her, laying flat on the floor.

Anya relayed the details of the location to Olivia to which Olivia immediately remembered passing by the location on many occasions, but had never gone in. She heard Cragen calling for her downstairs, then asking Elliot where his partner was. "I have to go."

"So do I." Anya said before saying goodbye to the detective and closing her phone and returning to rehearsal.

Olivia rushed down the stairs and breezed into Cragen's office to see what he had wanted. He handed her a new file to review with Elliot before driving to Lower Manhattan to interview a witness. She took the folder and headed back to her desk, passing pages back and forth with Elliot, and discussing the details of the crime and the description of the witness before heading out the door together.


	16. Chapter 16

**Ch. 16**

Anya told Olivia that she wouldn't be able to pick her up until around 10 on Saturday due to her rehearsal. Olivia assumed that the club was not a formal, snobby joint judging by Anya's description of it being a "hole in the wall" but she still wasn't sure what she should wear. She started with a long sleeved red top with a low scoop and a nice pair of black slacks, but when she looked in the mirror, she looked like she was just going to work. She went to the bathroom and applied a little more make up than she normally wore and curled the ends of her hair before smoothing in a pomade to keep everything in place. She found some small earrings in the top drawer of her dresser, put them in her ears, and slipped a silver bracelet around her wrist. She looked to the mirror again. _Much better,_ she thought, _but not overdone._

The buzzer sounded in her apartment from the ground level. Olivia took a deep breath and finished lining her lips before slipping on a pair of high-heeled boots. She grabbed her black leather jacket on her way out the door, flipping off the light switch on her way out. She walked down the dark hallway towards the exit and could see Anya waiting on the sidewalk, facing the street. Just her self-assured profile took Olivia's breath away. She wore what looked like a cream-colored cashmere sweater. As Olivia approached the door, she could see that she also wore a dark green skirt that went down to her mid-calves. There was only enough of a break in skin before her low, spike-heeled brown boots took over.

Anya heard the door open behind her and she smiled widely as she saw Olivia coming down the steps. Olivia was glad to see her and smiled back before securing the door closed.

"Hi." Olivia said. "I hope you weren't waiting too long."

"You're worth the wait." Anya said, giving Olivia an once-over. She stepped over to Olivia and took her hand before leaning in to kiss her. Olivia didn't protest, but kept the kiss brief before breaking away.

She smiled back at Anya and walked towards the club with Anya's hand in her own. They could hear the music before they even went down the stairs into the little dump. They settled on a table that was near the band and small dance floor, but not necessarily in the center of attention. A waitress came by their table offering them a wine and martini list. Anya handed it to Olivia and asked her to choose. Olivia scanned through the list before looking up at the waitress, ordering a Lodi Zinfandel.

When their wine arrived, they drank slowly and shared small talk between songs and genuinely enjoyed the company of one another. Olivia didn't feel like she was under any kind of pressure with Anya like she had felt previously and appreciated the woman's patience with her. She knew Anya probably wanted to dance, but Olivia really wasn't much of a dancer nor did she want to bring attention to herself, so she chose not to even bring it up. After a few songs passed, and the women had shared about two glasses of wine each, two men approached their table from behind Olivia. One walked past her to stand in front of Anya, but the other touched Olivia's shoulder gently and leaned over her. She flinched at his touch, but he didn't remove his hand.

The man in front of Anya spoke first. "The two of you are far to beautiful to be sitting here alone."

"Who said we were alone?" Olivia said, removing the man's hand from her shoulder herself.

He turned away from Olivia to look at Anya. "Would you like to dance?" 

Anya looked up at him without much emotion, but turned to Olivia to see if she would protest. Before she could answer, the other man asked Olivia if she would dance with him. She rolled her eyes at him, remarking with biting sarcasm that she wasn't much of a dancer, before turning her attention back to Anya, sipping her wine.

"One dance won't hurt." Anya answered the man, taking his hand as he led her to the small and rundown dance floor. The other man immediately took Anya's seat with his back against the band and smiled at Olivia, who was less than thrilled. She watched as Anya put one hand on the stranger's shoulder and took his hand with the other. He immediately placed his free hand around her back to lead her. The music was slow, which only irritated Olivia more, and she watched as their bodies swayed in rhythm, but without touching. She was sure that the other man was talking to Olivia about something uninteresting, but she chose to ignore him completely, keeping her entire focus on who she thought was _her_ date.

Anya's back was facing Olivia at first, but slowly the man turned them around so that she could see Anya's face over the man's shoulder. She turned her head to one side, sizing up Olivia with her eyes and smiled at her, trying to reassure the woman sitting at the table. Olivia's focus was soon taken to the man holding her date as he moved his arm further around her waist, pulling Anya closer. Olivia set her wine glass down and walked away from the man trying to communicate with her and strode up to her date and the suited man on the dance floor.

As gently as possible, Olivia tapped the man on the shoulder. He turned to look at her, as did Anya. His face lit up, assuming that the dark haired woman wanted to take the initiative and dance with him instead. Without another word, but while maintaining eye contract with him, she took Anya's hand out of his and into her own. The man stepped back, raised his hands in defense, smiled and nodded, allowing Olivia to put her other arm around Anya's back. Anya smiled proudly at her detective and placed her other hand on Olivia's shoulder and pulled her close. Because Olivia wore taller shoes than Anya, Olivia was taller tonight, which allowed the dancer to rest her head on Olivia's shoulder comfortably as they danced to the soft and romantic music being made on stage.

The two women swayed together without interruption or comment from anyone in the club or each other until Anya finally broke the silence. "I have to admit, Olivia, I was pretty surprised by that move."

"I guess I'm just full of surprises." Olivia said with a laugh. Anya snickered, curious about what else Olivia was hiding. "Besides, I thought you were my date."

"I am your date." Anya answered.

The detective in her couldn't let it go that easily. "Why did you even dance with him to begin with? To try and make me jealous?"

Anya raised her head from Olivia's shoulder to look her in the eye. "No." She shook her head with concern. "It was nothing like that."

"Then why?" Olivia insisted, but continued to dance with the woman, feeling the soft fabric of her skirt billow against her legs.

"Don't read too much into it, Olivia." Anya kissed her just below her jaw. "You're the only one I've wanted to dance with all night." She kissed her lower on the neck. "And now I am dancing with you. What we have here is perfect and I don't want it to end over a misunderstanding." She held Olivia's cheek in her hand and pulled her into a kiss and then settled her head back on Olivia's shoulder. Olivia relaxed at Anya's touch and wrapped her arm around the other woman tighter, holding her against herself. She took their linked hands up to her mouth and kissed Anya's hand.

When the song ended, so did their dance. They reluctantly parted, applauded the band with the rest of the attendees, and returned to their table. Olivia took out several bills from her coat pocket to pay for their wine. She tossed the money onto the table, put her coat on, and took Anya's hand, leading her to the exit. Olivia didn't speak as she made her way up the stairs and out the door.

It was now past midnight and Anya followed a few steps behind Olivia and continued to follow her into a rather dark and dank alley off of a quiet street. Anya hesitated a little, but only because it was so late and the alley was very dark. She wondered why they couldn't just go back to Olivia's apartment that was only a few blocks away, but the questions in her mind were put to rest when she noticed that Olivia had turned around to face her.

With an excruciating amount of care and gentleness, Anya stepped up to tuck one of Olivia's short locks behind her ear. She kept Olivia's cheek in her hand, tilted her face sideways and kissed her. The kiss they shared was the kiss they had wanted at the Brooklyn Promenade: soft, deep, and intoxicating. Olivia returned the kiss and raised her hands to meet at Anya's back, pulling her closer. Anya waited with patience for Olivia to open her mouth slightly and permit her to deepen the kiss. When it came, Anya seized the opportunity to seduce the detective by sucking lightly on her lip and barely flicking her tongue on Olivia's. The sensation running through Olivia's body and mind overrode every doubt or question that might have been present in being with this woman. Resting her other hand on Olivia's strong arm, Anya gripped it slightly as she felt the detective's kiss weaken her.

Olivia broke the kiss and moved her lips to Anya's neck, kissing her softly beneath her hoop earrings as her hands roamed down the woman's soft sweater to hug her hips against her own. Anya had wanted to feel this woman against her for weeks, but she brought her hands back to Olivia's jaw and pulled her face up, gauging the other woman in her eyes for reassurance and confidence before moving forward to kiss her again.

Depressing her lips onto Olivia's, she moved her delicate fingers down the woman's neck to the inside of the leather jacket before coming up again and resting over Olivia's breast. As she touched her gingerly, Anya moved her mouth to the side of Olivia's neck, nipping at the tender skin. She wanted to be gentle so that Olivia wouldn't snap out of this passion-filled trance and suddenly leave her. She knew Olivia had never been with another woman before, but on the other hand, she had wanted nothing more than to make love to this woman from the second she saw her at the bar in Chelsea and she consciously wanted to move this relationship forward. With intent, but care, she caressed her thumb over Olivia's shirt and felt a shift in the fabric when Olivia's nipple hardened. She massaged her harder and heard the woman softly moan, Olivia's hands becoming tighter around her waist as Anya continued to kiss upon her neck and at her ears.

The touch of Anya's hands pinching and massaging her compelled Olivia to grab Anya's neck and pull the woman's lips back onto her own, kissing her hard, wanting more that just soft teasing from the woman. They moaned into each other's mouths as Anya desperately reached both of her hands around Olivia's neck to keep her locked against her.

She had finally succeeded in penetrating the detective's resolve. Olivia's kiss was insatiable, her tongue crusading its way into Anya, urgently crying out for attention. As clear as day, the kiss spoke volumes, confirming that Olivia wanted from her exactly what Anya had wanted from the detective all along. Olivia's stomach was doing cartwheels with ever grasp and caress that Anya bestowed upon her flesh, and her desire for this woman was running away with her. She wanted her to touch her, to taste her, to be inside of her.

Anya opened her lips and Olivia returned the invitation again with her tongue, tasting the inside of the woman's mouth and playfully tugging at Anya's tongue until she turned her body towards the wall and forcefully walked forward, pushing Anya abruptly against the dirty and uneven bricks. Anya wasn't expecting to hit the wall as hard as she did and yelped at the sharpness cutting into her back, but Olivia distracted her from the jagged pain by attacking Anya's neck with bites of her teeth and lashes from her tongue. Anya's fingers slowly made their way down Olivia's lower back, hooking her fingers into the belt loops and pulling the detective tightly against her hips, pushing one of her legs between her own and moaning into the sensation flowing between her legs, becoming wet with the contact.

Olivia relentlessly kissed and sucked at her neck as Anya rose one of her legs, rubbing her thigh against Olivia's while she pressed herself harder against the dancer, crushing herself into her and against the wall. Anya hooked her calf around Olivia's knee, which forced it to bend into the space between her legs. Sinking down frantically onto Olivia's leg, she savagely ground herself against the divine woman, breathing heavily into Olivia's ear while wrapping her arms around her neck, which only made the detective want to seize the dancer with more ferocity. Olivia dropped her hand and found the end of Anya's skirt, moving it slowly up the long and seemingly delicate leg that wrapped around her own, feeling every detail of the strong muscles under such soft skin, tantalizing herself with every brazen touch in the dark alley. It sent shivers up Anya's spine and she grabbed Olivia's face to kiss her more, begging her to do with her as she willed.

Olivia wasn't sure where the sudden confidence came from, but she knew she was tired of being teased and controlled by this outspoken waif and decided it was time to return the favor she had given to her. The woman oozed with desire for Olivia and she could feel that a shift in control had occurred and it invigorated the officer. She held the woman against her leg, and her other hand roamed over the dancer's delicate figure, up her skirt until she reached the back of her panties. Grabbing her there, she further dictated her control of grinding Anya against her. Olivia's hair had long since fallen into her face, some over her eyes as she watched Anya's every move and reaction, listening to her moans and the sound of her back scraping against the bricks. She realized that she could have her in this disgusting alley if she wanted to. Olivia wasn't sure if she wanted to take her for lustful enjoyment of watching the woman collapse by her own hand or if she should slow down and torment the woman by making her wait longer, making her beg like Anya was making her. Her hand left from under Anya's skirt and searched underneath the dancer's sweater to the space between her breasts before rounding them over her lacey bra, tugging at the top of the seam in order to reach the skin.

Anya leaned back against the wall and pitched her hips forward against Olivia's thigh, pushing her back a little so that Olivia could watch her writhe at her will. She bit her lower lip as heavy, frustrated groans escaped between her teeth. She gripped Olivia's hand at her breast and moved it back down and under her skirt. With her other hand, she grabbed Olivia's hair at the nape of her neck and stared into her dark eyes with want as she continued to crush herself against the other woman. "Touch me." She commanded her, moving Olivia's hand up her skirt. "Please," she whispered.

Olivia did as Anya asked, shoving Anya off of her leg and back up against the wall, keeping her hand between her legs, pushing her fingers underneath the seams of her panties to enter the soft, wet flesh that begged for her attention. Olivia moaned at the incredible power she felt over Anya and the allure of making this exotic woman come onto her fingertips. Anya felt herself loosing control, indulging herself selfishly, but she was too far-gone to let up and the ravenous look in Olivia's eyes told her that this was what she wanted. "_Fuck,_" she painstakingly whispered in her native tongue when her back arched and her arm tightening around Olivia's neck so hard that Olivia thought the woman might break her in half from the strength. Anya pulled her forward to take her mouth on her own as her body pulsed against Olivia's hand, anxiously waiting for the wave to pass.

"Olivia..." Anya breathed between kisses. Hearing her own name being moaned out of Anya's mouth awakened Olivia from her shameless conquest. She removed her hand and straightened the dancer's skirt. She quickly took a glance around to see if anyone had discovered them and was relieved to see that they were still alone. She held Anya up, noticing that the woman holding her was not the same foul-mouthed and zealous Russian woman she had met in Chelsea, but now a mere vulnerable kitten breathing softly into her hair. Olivia stood a little straighter and protected Anya until she could stand securely on her own. Olivia wanted more from this woman, but she was not ready to be devoured by her completely because she wasn't sure if her intentions were pure. She kissed Anya, slower and gentler in an effort to douse the flames to mere embers and Anya willingly reciprocated.


	17. Chapter 17

**Ch. 17**

Moments passed slowly until their pets and kisses dissipated into the alley darkness. Olivia stepped back from the wall and peeled Anya off from the bricks hearing little tears of fabric fuzz that got stuck in the wall.

"Oh no." Olivia said after looking behind Anya to inspect her sweater.

"What?" Anya asked.

"I think we may have ruined your sweater. It's filthy." Olivia said, noticing that the dirt from the bricks now covered the back of Anya's formerly cream-colored sweater in irregular black rectangular patterns.

"Really?" Anya asked trying to look over her own shoulder to see the damage. "Oh well. It was worth it." She said, sighing and fluttering her eyes with satisfaction.

Olivia smirked, feeling a little self-conscious, but proud at the same time. "Don't say that, it's was such a nice sweater. I feel awful." Olivia removed her coat. "Here, at least wear my jacket. It looks pretty bad." She helped Anya into her favorite jacket and led her out of the alley, pressing her forward on the small of her back with her hand.

The two walked side by side for the few blocks to Olivia's apartment. Before they arrived; however, Anya stopped in front of the 18th Street subway station.

"It's so late, Anya, won't you just take a taxi?" Olivia recommended. Anya started to remove the jacket to give back to Olivia, but Olivia pushed the jacket back over her shoulders. "Just wear it home. I'll get it back when I see you again."

"Okay." Anya smiled, hearing Olivia verbally confirm that they would see each other again. She could only hope that Olivia would wake up in the morning with those same thoughts and not regret what they had done. "So when can I see you again?" She asked.

"I don't know. Maybe I should be asking you that. You're in pretty heavy rehearsals right now, aren't you?" Olivia asked.

"Actually, yes. Until the show opens, my life will pretty much be at the studio. It could be a couple of weeks until things settle down, unfortunately." Olivia sighed. It wasn't like her life was filled with hundreds of open days for scheduling, but she knew she could at least squeeze in a date or two within the next few weeks. "Unless, of course, you were interested in coming to the ballet." Anya suggested. "I understand that it is certainly not for everyone – people are very into chatter in this country – but if you wanted to come, I could make arrangements for you to attend."

"I wouldn't want to inconvenience you, Anya." Olivia answered.

"Nonsense, Olivia. I won't be offended if you aren't interested, but my first opportunity to go out won't be until after opening night."

Olivia thought about it for a minute before answering the invitation. It wouldn't kill her to attend. She did enjoy the arts and this was a good opportunity to see a ballet at the Met for free. It was an opportunity that was not likely to come up in her life again. She nodded to Anya, "I think I'd like to go."

"Good." Anya said, pleased.

"What ballet is it?" Olivia asked, putting one of her hands into her pocket to keep warm.

"_Swan Lake_." Anya beamed, proud to be a part of ABT's world-renown production.

"Is it depressing?" Olivia asked, not really wanting another reason to be depressed.

"It's a love story, Olivia." Anya replied.

"So is Romeo and Juliet…is it sad?"

"If I say 'yes' will you change your mind and not come?" Anya asked, raising her eyebrows with concern.

Olivia laughed a little, knowing the answer. "No, I'll still go."

"Did you want to bring a friend?" Although Anya of course hoped that Olivia wouldn't want to bring anyone with her.

"No, I don't think so." Olivia knew she didn't want to but also honestly couldn't think of anyone that she knew that would be interested, even if it were free.

"Okay. I'll set it up and give you a call sometime next week with the details."

Olivia nodded, but rethought her affirmative answer with the inevitable and constant question in her life. "Anya." Olivia interrupted. "What if I get called into work and can't make it?"

"Then you get called into work and can't make it. I won't be upset." She paused. "However, if you stand me up for no reason at all, then yes, I'll be upset. And you don't want that." She said, drawing a line with her finger along Olivia's neckline and up her chin.

"Okay." _Was that a threat or a tease?_ She couldn't tell. What she did know was that Anya was very understanding when it came to Olivia's work. It was something she was completely unfamiliar with outside of the precinct.

"I should get going." Anya said, nodding towards the subway steps and taking a step down.

"It's so late, Anya. I'd really prefer you take a taxi." Olivia said with concern.

"You're so protective, Olivia." Anya observed with a smile, coming back up the step to stroke Olivia's cheek with the back of her hand. The amethyst in her ring softly scratched Olivia's face.

"I know I don't have any business telling you what to do. It would just make me feel better." Olivia said, not realizing that she was probably being overbearing to someone who was perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

"It's okay." Anya gave Olivia a final kiss for the evening. "Don't you worry about me, Detective Benson." She gave her a smile and turned to walk down the steps, leaving Olivia at street level. "You get home safely yourself." She said, wagging her finger at Olivia. She turned around at the last step to see that Olivia still stood at the top of the staircase, waiting for Anya to fall out of sight. She waved.

"Goodnight." Olivia answered before turning her attention uptown to return to her apartment alone.


	18. Chapter 18

**Ch. 18**

Anya sat at the vanity, putting on the final touches of make up and affixing rhinestones to her hair. Her vanity was covered in make up, hairpins, and fake swan feathers. Cards stuck into the edges of her mirror, all bidding luck and support. She had a couple of vases with flowers in them as well at her vanity and on the cocktail table behind her. A picture of her father was the only framed personal item on an otherwise empty end table. As she lifted a large brush to sweep across her face with a loose, white powder, the door to her dressing room knocked.

"Come in." She called.

One of the male dancers from the company came in, already in costume and make up. He practically skipped over to Anya's chair, spun her around and asked her point-blank, "So, is she coming?"

Anya sighed and rolled her eyes at him. "She was invited and I set her up with a seat, but who knows with her job. I do hope she comes though." She said with a little sadness. Anya reached beside her for a needle and pink thread.

The man wearing gobs of necessary stage make up squealed; he was dying to know about this woman Anya was keeping hidden from him. "If she's here, can I meet her?"

"I don't know, Justin. You're a little too…exuberant? She's not out of the closet, and I don't want you to scare her further into it." She leaned over in her chair and started to stitch the ribbons of her pointe shoes under the flat knot so they wouldn't fall out during the performance.

Justin pouted, "Then when you leave, I want you to walk by the front of the Met instead of going around back. There's so many people and you'll be out of your make up, so I could just be in the general area to catch a peek?"

She looked up and smiled. "I suppose I could do that. But if I don't show, then it will mean that she didn't come." Anya bit the end of the thread to tie a knot so she could stitch the other shoe's ribbons.

"She'll show." Justin got up to leave, but as it turned out, he had more questions for his partner of the evening. "What does she do anyway? Does she work on Wall Street? Is she an attorney? A musician?" He asked with a fire in his eye.

"Nothing like that. And it's none of your business, Justin." Anya answered, turning back to her mirror to pin the feathered tiara into her hair. She knew Olivia's work was very private and serious. Not anything to be shared with anyone even if Justin and her had known each other at ABT for years. Justin immediately grabbed the crown from her hands. Anya tried to snap it back from him, but he insisted to pin it to her hair himself. She sat still and allowed it.

"Where will she be sitting?" Justin asked with pins in his mouth.

"Front and center in the Grande Tier." Anya spoke as she applied fake black eyelashes.

Justin cooed, "Spare no expense?"

"She's worth it." She said looking up to him above her. Through the monitors, the stage manager announced that the house was open. They could hear last minute work being done to the stage as well as the sounds of the audience coming into the theatre. Another knock came at the door. Anya got up to answer it. She wasn't completely dressed yet, so Justin went to the rack to pull the exquisite white swan tutu from the hanger. Anya opened the door to find a stagehand holding a bouquet of irises and red roses.

"Ms. Krilov." He said nodding at her. He brought them in and set them down on the cocktail table and then went out.

"I'll bet I know who those are from." Justin remarked as he snatched the card from the flowers. Anya seized it back from out of his fingers before he was able to read it. "_John told me to wish you "merde." I may not know Russian, but I do know some French so you will have to explain why your good luck charm is the French word for 'shit' – Olivia"_

A wide smile came across Anya's face as she walked away and tucked the small card into the sole of her pointe shoe. Justin protested at not being able to read the card, but he complimented Olivia's taste in flowers. He then assisted Anya into the costume and looked her over to double check everything. When the stage manager called for "15", she scurried him towards the exit of her dressing room. He wished her "merde" on his way out. She gave him a kiss on the cheek and wished him the same luck charm. He bowed out of the door, so that the dancer could properly prepare.

Olivia arrived at the Met about 15 minutes before the performance began, which she knew was cutting it close. Munch informed her that if she didn't get there early, she'd likely be late. That there was no being "on time" for the ballet and if she was late, she'd miss the entire first act. She wore a slinky black cocktail dress with black lace at the base. She had to dig through her closet to find an acceptable purse and pair of shoes appropriate for the evening. It made her a little sad to see that her nice heels and evening purse at the bottom of her closet were so dusty. She applied her make up carefully, accentuating her eyes and her lips. Olivia was also careful to make sure that every strand of her hair was perfectly in line. She knew she was fussing too much about her appearance, but she was nervous and wanted to look nice for Anya. She didn't want Anya to be the one teasing her anymore. Not to mention, she really didn't want to draw attention to herself by looking out of place on a Saturday night at the Met.

The ushers of the Met directed Olivia up the stairs and down the hall until arriving in the center of the mezzanine. Olivia could see everything from her seat and was in awe of the majesty of the theatre itself. It was a slice of New York's history that she had never experienced first hand and was grateful to have the opportunity, thanks to Anya. The orchestra below started to tune their instruments, beginning with the distinct oboe and continuing on with a crescendo of musical instruments playing hundreds of different notes, but somehow all finding some melodic way of tuning that didn't sound atrocious. _Gosh, this is so nice. It's a fantasyland, but it's a nice one._

Olivia quieted her mind as the lights went dark. She sat back in the comfortable chair and readied herself to see Anya at work. A soft sound of the oboe came from the orchestra pit, followed by a cluster of French horns, as the ballet began. The curtain rose and within only a few moments, Olivia spotted Anya on stage in white, surrounded by dozens of other women in white with feathers around their crests. She knew it was Anya because she was the one swan with a distinguishable crown on her head.

During the performance, Anya never once strayed from her role as Odette (or Odele as it turned out later in the ballet.) Even though it was the same woman that teased and tempted her, and the same woman she had satisfied so shamelessly in an alley only a week ago, it was as if Olivia was watching a completely different individual on stage. She was passionate about her art. Her balance and ability was amazing. She could feel everything Anya and the other dancers said just by moving across the stage. Every hope and every sorrow up until the ending tragedy that left Olivia's eyes wet. The woman was undeniably talented as she was equally beautiful. She couldn't believe she knew the woman as well as she did and didn't understand what this woman saw in her. _We are so completely different, aren't we?_

At the curtain call, the entire audience rose to their feet for Anya and Justin, who played the leading roles. "Bravos" and cheers swelled through the theatre. Olivia followed suit. When Anya came to the front of the stage for a final bow, alone, she lowered her head and took a deep curtsy. When she rose, Justin escorted Anya to the center of the stage as the curtain fell a final time for the evening.

Anya told Olivia to meet her by the stage door after the performance. After placing her rolled up program into her small purse, Olivia followed the crowd outside but split from most as she made her way around the corner. She found a few people surrounding Anya, who was now out of her make up and costume, wearing street clothes. Her hair was damp from taking a quick shower and the curls were just starting to return as it dried. Most of those adoring her were young girls, around 12 or so. Anya was so sweet and encouraging to the young dancers. Olivia couldn't help but wish that she saw these children when they were as happy and carefree as they were with Anya. Anya saw children when they were full of life and hope about their futures. Olivia saw children full of sadness, children whose souls had been stolen from them. It made her catch her breath. It made her wonder if she should be out having such a nice time, knowing that someone, somewhere was in pain.

Anya looked up as Olivia approached and saw the melancholy expression that crossed Olivia's face. She didn't understand at first, but then she saw that Olivia wasn't looking at her; she was looking at the children around her. Anya followed Olivia's unspoken thoughts and it filled her with unspoken sympathy. Olivia brought her expression up from the girls to Anya. Anya smiled and waved her over to take a small bouquet of daisies from her hands so that she could sign the little girls' programs. The mothers soon escorted their children away from the dancer, thanking her for her time.

"I got your flowers." Anya said, hauling her dance bag over her shoulder. It seemed heavy, so Olivia attempted to take the bag from her, but Anya insisted that she could manage to carry the bag herself. "They're beautiful," she said continuing her thoughts. "I'm going to leave them in my dressing room for the remainder of the performances. For luck." She said with a wink.

"You probably get lots of flowers by the looks of things," she said waving the bouquet of daisies at Anya.

"But I like yours the best, Olivia. Besides, no one else gave me irises and I love irises." She said. Anya allowed her eyes to drift from Olivia's eyes, down her neck and followed the curves of her body before returning to Olivia's sable eyes. She took a step forward before taking the other woman's chin with the tips of her fingers, angling her head back before placing a tender kiss on Olivia's lips. "You look beautiful again tonight, Olivia." She said stepping back and hooking her arm into Olivia's as she had done on the Brooklyn Promenade. Olivia looked down because this time she couldn't help but blush. Anya had jumbled Olivia's brain with just a kiss and a genuine compliment. "What did you think?" Anya asked about her performance.

"It was wonderful, but very sad." Olivia said, looking over to Anya's beautiful green eyes. "You were amazing. Took my breath away."

Anya caught Olivia's eyes and gave her a mischievous smile before looking forward again. "I hope to do that more than once tonight." Anya proclaimed as she directed Olivia around the corner to the front of the Metropolitan Opera House, towards Amsterdam Avenue. Olivia was hoping for that too. She had wanted to make it difficult for Anya to seduce her, but she thought back to the bar and then again to the alley and truly didn't see the point in wasting anymore time. As they walked, Anya caught Justin's eye from across the fountain as he mouthed, _"she's gorgeous"_ to her, then making obscene gestures that made Anya giggle under her breath.

"What's so funny?" Olivia asked, looking around.

"Nothing. My friend Justin is being childish." She said pointing over to the fellow dancer who was also now in street clothes heading home for the night. Olivia turned to look at him and he blew her a kiss.

"He seems like a character." Olivia joked.

"You have no idea." Anya said, rolling her eyes.

"Where are we going?" Olivia asked, although she had an idea. Anya lived on the Upper West Side and they were walking towards Amsterdam, which was a one-way street headed uptown. Anya held out her hand on the street corner and a taxi immediately screeched to a halt in front of them. Olivia opened the door for Anya and allowed her to enter the taxi first.

"We're going to my apartment, Olivia." Anya said turning to the woman who entered the cab as well, taking a seat next to Anya. "Unless, of course, you'd rather go home alone?" Anya asked, dipping her chin down and raising an eyebrow at Olivia.

Olivia turned her soft brown eyes to Anya's green, allowed them to travel down the front of her body and then back up again. "No." Olivia answered simply.

"92nd and Amsterdam." Anya directed the cab driver. The car jolted forward, speeding the few blocks of brightly lit city streets to Anya's high-rise.


	19. Chapter 19

**Ch. 19**

The doorman at Anya's building opened the taxi door before Olivia could even reach for the handle. He bid her a good evening and reached his hand down to help Olivia out of the back seat. She was hesitant, but eventually took his gloved hand and stepped out onto the sidewalk. He nodded at her before rushing around to the other side of the taxi to assist Anya out.

"Ah, it's you Ms. Krilov. How was the performance tonight? Wonderful, I expect." He was very jubilant for it being so late. Olivia assumed that his shift had probably just started.

"Yes, it went well. Thank you, Jack." He escorted her to the sidewalk. "Quiet night?" 

"Yes, and a little bit cold, but summer is on its way." The man stepped in front of Olivia to grab the door before she had the opportunity. "Now, now, my dear let me do my job." He said with a smile, tipping his hat to Olivia and Anya as they went into the building.

Olivia was feeling pretty confident about her choice to go home with Anya until the elevator doors closed. She did her best not to let on how excruciatingly anxious she was, but of course Anya lived on the 31st floor, which made for a terribly long pause in conversation and movement as the elevator ascended. There were only four apartments per floor and Anya's was on the end. Anya inserted her key and turned it until a soft click was heard between the walls.

"Would you like something to drink?" She asked.

Olivia nodded as Anya pushed the door open. Anya dropped her bag and coat by the entrance. She turned around and offered to take Olivia's coat as well. After she removed the coat, Olivia looked around the apartment, taking everything in. Her living space was very modern with sleek lines and bright colors. It was definitely a beautiful and well-kept apartment without being pretentious. She owned very unique art, most of which was abstract and none that Olivia recognized. The one that struck Olivia the most was at the edge of the living room, on a hallway wall. The print was of a pink rose that had fallen out of a water glass. She walked up to it to see that it was titled "Weeping Rose" by Vladimir Tretchikof. It was such a simple print, but amazingly powerful to her. Almost like she could relate to it in some way. Olivia stepped away from the art and took a seat on the bright red couch in the living room. 

While Olivia tried to make herself comfortable, Anya walked to the kitchen and opened the freezer. She pulled out a bottle of vodka and then two rocks glasses from the cabinet. She filled the glasses with a shot and a half of vodka each before returning the bottle back to the freezer.

Anya took a sip of her own vodka and walked over to Olivia who was rummaging through Anya's magazines on the cocktail table. She handed the other glass to her. "Thanks." Olivia said, taking a sip, but quickly noting that there wasn't anything mixed with the beverage.

"You've been going through my things already?" Anya asked, noticing that Olivia had paged through her magazines.

"I'm a detective; I'm inherently curious and nosy." Olivia said, taking another sip of vodka before rising from the couch to further investigate the room. Anya could think of a number of inappropriate comments to say in return to Olivia's innocent remark, but she decided not to. "You're into politics." Olivia observed. In addition to some of Anya's politically inspired art, she subscribed to The Progressive, Time, and The New Yorker.

"Yes, I am, but I've never had any personal political ambitions. It's an ugly world." Anya took another sip of her vodka and removed her shoes. "You can take off your shoes, Olivia. They look uncomfortable."

"Actually, I can't tell anymore. My feet are numb." Olivia laughed, turning back to Anya briefly. "You're one to talk." Olivia said noticing all of the white medical tape affixed around each one of Anya's toes used to protect her feet against the blistering pain of pointe shoes.

"It's just part of the job." She commented.

Olivia continued to scour over a collection of books and movies on a shelf by her television. She pulled a copy of Dance Magazine that had Anya's name printed on the spine. She turned it over to look at the cover, which had a much younger Anya performing a perfect arabesque at an angle from the camera. The cover proclaimed her as the rising star of ABT. Olivia turned to Anya with a smile, showing her that she'd found the magazine. "The only press I ever get is usually bad press in the Ledger." She joked. "This is very impressive, Anya."

"Thank you. I was the Lilac Fairy in _The Sleeping Beauty_. The costume is pretty, isn't it?"

"Yes, but I think I liked the one you wore tonight better." Olivia put the magazine back into the bookcase.

Olivia removed her shoes. Given the silence between them and the hardwood floors, Olivia's shoes made quite a clunk onto the floors when she kicked out of them. Olivia took two large gulps of the cold liquor and tried to think of something to say to Anya. She looked over to her again briefly, and then walked towards the window. Anya wasn't dressed in any special manner. She looked so simple that Olivia felt overdressed around her. Whenever she looked in her direction, Anya looked so hungry to Olivia, knowing that she was just waiting for her on the couch. "You should get that framed." Olivia suggested about the magazine.

"I've been meaning to for years. Just never seems to happen." Anya replied, sipping her vodka again. She enjoyed watching Olivia squirm in her own skin; it was sexy but she grew tired of waiting for her. _Enough with the chitchat._ She set her glass down onto an end table and stepped over to Olivia, who was now looking out the window. Olivia heard her footsteps approaching and knocked back the remaining liquor in her glass as she felt her heart beat a little stronger.

Anya's hand touched the small of Olivia's back as she gazed out the window with her. Olivia turned to face the slightly taller woman and smiled, placing her glass onto the windowsill. "That was quick, Olivia." Anya said, noticing the empty glass. _Not quick enough_, Olivia thought to herself as Anya reached her hand down to Olivia's face, cradling it, and pulling it up towards her own.

The kisses started quick and gentle. The two women brought their lips together hurriedly and briefly, piercing each other multiple times until Olivia held her lips against Anya's, wanting to consume her completely. She opened her mouth and allowed Anya's tongue to enter her own. Her mouth was much softer and passionate than anyone she had ever kissed and Olivia wanted more of it. Anya kept her hand on Olivia's back and pulled her closer, against herself, as Olivia's hand went down Anya's cheek, down her neck, slowed as she curved around her breast, and then continued to her back.

Olivia moved her lips to Anya's neck, supporting her head as it tipped to the side to allow her to graze her lips and teeth upon her neck. Her breathing intensified as she held Anya's body tightly against herself and moved to push her against the window. Anya sighed as Olivia's tongue coursed over her skin and she dropped her hand to Olivia's thigh. She scrunched the base of the silken dress in her hand and slowly pulled it up so that she could reach underneath and touch Olivia's soft skin. As soon as she did, Olivia met Anya's lips again with her own, except that the gentleness was gone.

Anya moaned in sync with the intensity of Olivia's kiss, wanting to speak sweet nothings into Olivia's ear, but was interrupted by her own wicked thoughts as Olivia's hands wandered down the front of her body, curving her hand around her breast, massaging it gently.

"Where's your bedroom?" Olivia asked, pushing Anya harder against the windowsill, moving her hands down to fumble with the zipper of the woman's pants.

"The opposite direction of this window." Anya joked, realizing that the officer enjoyed being in control. She wondered if she should allow it. She pushed Olivia off of her. She gave Olivia another longing kiss, catching her breath as she led Olivia out of the living room. As Anya walked down the hall to the bedroom, she decided that it would be she to have all of the control that night. She stripped herself of the first layer of clothing without ever looking back at Olivia, dropping one garment at a time to the ground. Olivia watched her, in awe of the smoothness of her back, the delicate swing in her hips, and the length of her slender legs as they crossed the floor to her bedroom. Olivia started to follow suit and reached beside herself to unzip her dress, but when Anya heard the zipper, she immediately turned around to face Olivia. "No." Anya ordered, now with only her lacy pink bra and panties on. "You will stay clothed…for now." She said with a kiss.

Olivia sneered, "I'm not used to taking orders." She said as she pulled the straps from her dress down her shoulders, disobediently.

As much as Anya wanted to see Olivia without that slinky dress on, she had other things in mind for her. She stepped up to the brunette, locked her eyes on her and pulled the straps back up. She then put her hand on Olivia's undone zipper and redid it with a snap of her fingers. "You just might have to tonight, detective."

Olivia's desire was overwhelming her from the inside out, but she didn't like the idea of relinquishing power to this other woman. When they got to the bedroom, Anya demanded Olivia to lie down on her low and modern bed. Instead, Olivia sat up, refusing to take orders. Anya straddled Olivia on the end of the bed and kissed her, knotting her long fingers into the detective's hair just long enough to deteriorate her.

"I said: lie down." Anya gently shoved Olivia back onto the sheets with little resistance. Wearing her pink, lacy bra and panties, to give Olivia a taste of what she could have but not making it so easy on her, Anya crawled up Olivia's body like a snake, wanting nothing more than to tease the detective into oblivion. As she slithered her way up Olivia's wonderful curves, Anya's hands roamed over Olivia's hips, stomach, and chest; her hands pioneering before her lips, following the same pattern. She felt Olivia's body curl and jolt with various touches. As Anya worked her way up, Olivia's hesitant hands reached to touch whatever was in reach: her hair, shoulders, and fragile arms. When she was level with the detective, who ached and sighed with every touch from Anya, the corner of Anya's lip curled just slightly, realizing that she had won. Olivia looked up at the woman hovering over her, her eyes soft and waiting. The crusade was over and she had Ms. Benson exactly where she wanted her.

She plunged her tongue into Olivia's mouth as Olivia took both her arms around the other woman, pulling her on top of herself completely. Olivia's hands smoothed over Anya's back, feeling her silken skin under her fingertips. Olivia relished in her own thoughts of touching this other woman, knowing it was somewhat of a taboo in her world. The weight of the other woman on top of her turned her on in an entirely new way and she craved it endlessly.

Anya sabotaged any remaining reservations Olivia might have had by running her fingers down the side of her black dress, searching for that special, unique place that would drive the woman crazy. Anya slipped one of her legs between Olivia's and pushed her thigh against the other woman's panties under her dress. Olivia's breath deepened and moaned with the contact she had been begging for. "God help me, Anya– " Anya ceased Olivia's words with another kiss. Olivia groaned into her mouth as Anya's hand rested upon and started to massage her breast over her dress and her strong legs applied a steady, powerful pressure between her legs as her hips rolled against the detective. Olivia felt Anya's fingers leave her breast and burn a trail down her torso until she reached up under Olivia's dress to tug on the black undergarment. Anya kept her eyes on Olivia as she moved her fingertips beneath the seams, asking for permission to remove the article. Olivia looked up at the petite woman; her eyes dark and heavy with desire as she slowly lifted her hips against Anya so that she could pull the black panties down her legs and toss them to the floor.

Anya grappled her way back onto her detective, and Olivia impulsively reached behind Anya's back for the clasp of the woman's light pink bra. She fumbled with it for only a second, but it was long enough for Anya to reach behind herself and stop Olivia's hands and rest them both above her head. She wasn't done playing and she knew the second she was naked and available to Olivia that she'd lose control. She held the detective's hands secure with one of her own as she lowered her mouth and kissed Olivia's neck and down across her chest before meeting the strap of the dress with her teeth, cinching it, and slowly pulling it down off of her shoulder while listening to Olivia breathing in deeply at the sensation. _God, this woman is amazing._

While she pulled the strap off of Olivia's shoulders, the hand that was not securing Olivia's hands trailed down Olivia's smooth legs, slowly and playfully. Anya could feel the heat between Olivia's thighs and knew she was wet and wanting her to touch her. Olivia's hand slipped out from Anya's grip and held Anya's hand at the inside of her thigh. Anya thought for a moment that Olivia wanted her to stop. Just when Anya was going to back off, she looked up and saw instead that her face was pleading with the woman. Olivia pushed the dancer's hand higher on her leg as her hips slid lower onto the bed to entice the woman to take her. _Please, Anya. _Anya bit her lip, looking down on the woman, wanting nothing more than to do exactly as the detective wanted.

Olivia's eyes closed as Anya's fingers grazed upon the damp skin, touching the inner folds delicately and savoring in how wet and ready Olivia was, but she played with her only for a second before trailing her fingers again along her inner thigh. Olivia groaned as she reopened her eyes and glared at Anya. "You are a fucking tease. Why are you doing this to me?"

"Because you love it." Anya said before biting her neck, expelling a soft cry from Olivia.

Olivia continued. "I won't be submitting to this game for much longer." She said running her fingers up Anya's neck and through her long hair.

"Is that a threat, Olivia?" Anya asked, rising up and straddling across Olivia's legs and smoothing both of her hands symmetrically up Olivia's chest to her neck, gently gripping her throat, and massaging the tendons. "Because I don't believe you're in a position to be handing out threats right now." Anya unzipped Olivia's dress slightly so she could bend over the woman to pull off the other strap with her mouth while teasing her skin with her tongue. She folded the dress and bra down that covered her breast and leaned in to suck at the perfectly round skin. Olivia's response was immediate, holding the dancer below her hips, and she arched her back so that Anya could taste more of her. Anya placed one hand by Olivia's head to support herself and she continued to kiss and lick Olivia's breast as she shifted herself to one side of Olivia so that she could slip her hand underneath the dress again. Her fingertips teased and played between Olivia's legs, becoming saturated and electrifying every nerve of Olivia's being. With her eyes closing and her head arching backwards, the detective felt nothing short of bliss.

Olivia's once stubborn and protective self was immediately turned into dripping clay, willing and desperate to obey Anya's every whim. Anya started to apply that same pressure to her clit as she had done at the bar weeks ago, only this time Olivia didn't need to conceal her vocal reactions to the startling sensations. The woman was so gentle and patient, giving her what she wanted, selflessly. Moaning and crying out, she clung to Anya, digging her nails into her back, and pulling her down on top of herself until Anya could no longer maintain her oral contact on her breast.

Anya giggled at Olivia's raw response and slipped out from under Olivia's hands, slowing the motion of her fingers and marking a trail of wet kisses down the woman's body. Anya removed her hand from between Olivia's legs and dragged her way to Olivia's calves. She slid to the floor and kneeled at the foot of the bed. She reached forward to grab Olivia's hips. She arched one brow at the detective. She tugged at the dress on her hips to try and move Olivia to the end of the bed as well. Olivia didn't budge but her chocolate eyes gave Anya all the answer she needed. "Come here, Olivia." Anya requested.

Olivia's breathing was deep, panting almost, as the woman had again teased her into a void. She sat up and looked down at the flaxen-haired woman as she waited for Olivia on the floor, on her knees. Looking at her, knowing that she finally wanted nothing more than to submit to Olivia's pleasure was the sexiest thing she'd ever experienced. The woman was a vision. She cautiously scooted forward until her legs dangled off the end of the bed. She leaned forward to the waiting girl and kissed her lips, wanting to give herself to Anya completely and wanting Anya to follow through with her promises to her. She leaned back on her hands and opened her legs. Anya kept her eyes on Olivia's as she picked up one of Olivia's legs, kissing her ankle. She slowly kissed Olivia up her leg, to her calf, the inside of her knee, before raising the leg above her shoulder and resting it on her back. She grabbed Olivia's other leg around the calf, gripping it with her nails, as she crept below the base of Olivia's dress and out of sight as her kisses went up her thigh. Olivia reached down to the end of her skirt and pulled the lacy edge up until she could see Anya's eyes.

Anya kept her head down, but gazed up into Olivia's dark eyes, noticing that she had raised her skirt to watch her. She slowly opened the wet flesh with her fingers before closing her eyes and placing her mouth and tongue softly onto the woman's cunt. Olivia's eyes rolled back and her mouth opened allowing a slow moan out between her teeth. Her body went limp and her head fell back steadily at the touch from the woman's tongue licking and suckling her. Her breath quickened and she struggled to balance, using her hands behind herself to stay sitting up. Anya continued her tender strokes against Olivia, now half-watching her pleasure unfold, and moved one hand up to Olivia's chest as their eyes met once again. Anya deliberately pressed her seemingly fragile fingers against Olivia's shoulder and pushed the woman down against the bed. Olivia could feel every flick of her tongue and every pulse of her mouth as her hands slid backwards onto the bed until her back and head lay weak and helpless on the sheets.


	20. Chapter 20

**Ch. 20**

Whether one lives in Coney Island in Brooklyn or in Astoria Queens, police or fire sirens are likely to drive by your home at all hours of the night, almost every night of the year. The sirens of New York are unique in the fact that they have the capability to be a constant stream of an up and down ill-melodic scale, just like any other police vehicle in America. Instead though, New York officers prefer the sound to be let out in little erratic blips. It is still difficult to sleep through the ascending and descending siren, but to sleep through the annoying and inconsistent beeps takes talent. It was a talent that Olivia did not possess.

The irregular sounds sped by Anya's apartment and although the windows were closed, the noise startled Olivia awake from what was once a very restful afterglow. The sirens passed, but now Olivia was wide awake, having realized that she was not at her apartment. Instead, she was at Anya's apartment, in Anya's bed. She struggled in the dark room to see what time it was, but was unsuccessful in reading the clock hands on the wall. _If it's so dark in here that I can't tell what time it is, then it's damn late. Too late_, Olivia thought.

Now that Olivia was more aware of her surroundings, she could hear cars driving by outside, but other than that, the room was silent. Not even Anya made any sounds as she slept. Quietly and slowly, so she would not wake up Anya, Olivia turned over in the bed to look at the woman, who was facing away from Olivia. Part of her hair was scrunched underneath her head on the pillow, but most of it fell softly down her back and onto the bed. Her back was perfectly curled and her satin negligee tugged at her shoulders. She didn't remember Anya putting it on. She must have fallen asleep before her. She watched as her ribcage rose and fell under the cotton sheets with her soft breathing. Olivia was tempted to touch her, to move closer to her, but she didn't want to wake her. _How did I get here? On second thought, how did **she** get me here? I never thought about women before I met Anya, but here I am, lying half-naked next to a woman that I had exquisite sex with just hours ago_.

But on the other hand, Olivia felt a sense of panic running through her nerves. She liked Anya, but she didn't love her and she didn't want to fall in love with her either. Her life was already filled with too much work. She didn't want to bring Anya into that or deal with a relationship with Anya on top of everything else. She thought about leaving before she woke up. She'd done that with men, but something about doing it to Anya seemed wrong. She noticed something else too. Her cell phone hadn't rang all night. She had turned it off when she was at the Met, but Olivia distinctly remembered turning it back on afterwards. She remembered that there weren't any messages, but she still felt the need to double check. She turned back over in bed and reached for her phone on the nightstand. She was right. It was on and there weren't any messages or missed calls. She actually wanted Elliot to call her. It would give her an easy way out, but then as she thought about it more, it made her sick to her stomach knowing what a call in the middle of the night _really_ meant.

Olivia's thoughts continued to run in every direction, knowing that she couldn't physically do the same at the moment, until she felt the need to just get up and go for a walk. Just down the block and back. It was a safe area and it wasn't like Olivia couldn't hold her own, although it was true that she didn't have her gun; just her badge. But then she realized that she didn't have any clothes other than her lacey black dress and there was no way her ass would fit into Anya's clothes other than the old t-shirt she gave her to wear. _I can't go anywhere, and I don't have a legitimate reason to._ Olivia turned over again and laid on her back, let out a sigh, and stared at the ceiling to think about what the hell was going on and what the hell she wanted to do about it.

"Olivia?" Anya's distinct voice cut through the darkness and ceased Olivia's thoughts, but she hadn't moved. Slowly, Anya turned over in the bed, still lying on her pillow. Olivia turned to look at her. Anya pursed her lips, trying to read Olivia's face. "You're wide awake. Can you not sleep?" She thought again. "Or maybe you are trying to think of a reason to leave?" She said, brushing her fingers across Olivia's cheek.

"No." She was lying and didn't like it so she settled on vague honesty instead. "I'm not sure what I want to do."

"Well, it's probably 3 in the morning, so why don't you just sleep? Chelsea is a long way from here." Anya ran her fingers through Olivia's hair gently. "Figure it out in the morning…okay?"

_Easy for you to say._ "Okay." Olivia said, leaning forward to give Anya a brief kiss before turning her attention back to the ceiling. Anya flipped over in bed, leaving Olivia alone with her thoughts, and went back to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**Ch. 21**

Sunday morning crept through Anya's bedroom window. Cathedral bells clanged outside and traffic rolled on as usual, interrupted only by car horns and screeching breaks. The sun caught a cut crystal dangling from the window above the headboard, which created beautiful rainbow prisms that danced all over the room. Olivia didn't remember falling back to sleep, but she remembered being woken up. She felt little impressions in the bed at some point in the night, but was so tired that she didn't open her eyes to see what Anya was doing. When she woke, she felt a small unfamiliar object beside her arm and as soon as the sun broke through the window, it started to purr. Olivia tentatively opened her eyes and was immediately caught in a staring contest with a poor and sad one-eyed cat. She wasn't sure if the cat was friendly or not, being that it looked like it had seen better days, so she reached around it to nudge Anya awake.

"Anya," Olivia whispered, keeping her eyes on the purring gray cat.

She inhaled deeply as she awakened to the sound of Olivia's voice. The cat let out a frustrated meow as Anya rolled over in the bed to face Olivia. "Oh, good morning, Katka." She smiled, petting her cat. "I'm sorry, Olivia, did she wake you?" She reached under the cat's belly, picked her up (much to her dismay), and put her on the floor.

"Yeah, but I should probably get up anyway." Olivia said, sitting up in bed and leaning back against the headboard.

"So you were able to go back to sleep?" Anya asked, yawning, then looking up at Olivia, who was trying to flatten her very tousled hair. Olivia nodded. "Good. Can I make you some breakfast before you go?" Anya asked, sitting up next to Olivia. "Or do not have the time?"

Olivia thought about her offer for a minute. She didn't technically have to go anywhere, but wasn't sure if staying for breakfast was moving too fast with Anya or not. She liked the idea of having breakfast, but was not looking for a relationship with Anya and if she stayed, she was certain that it would leave that impression with the woman. Before Olivia was able to voice her decision, Anya's cat jumped back onto the bed with a trilling meow and started pacing back and forth between the two of them, meowing.

"I didn't know you had a cat." Olivia stated. "Why didn't I see it last night?" 

"Because you were a little more than distracted, Olivia." Anya joked with the other woman. Olivia laughed and bit her lip, dropping her head down against her chest admitting she was right. "Actually, Katka doesn't usually come out when strangers are here." She said beginning to pet the cat in order to stop her from pacing all over the bed and potentially getting on Olivia's nerves. "She's a little paranoid and rightfully so. She was abused in her former life." Anya looked sympathetically at her sad little cat, scratching her behind the ears.

"Do you know her story?" Olivia asked, patting the cat's back.

"No," Anya said, "I didn't really want to know. I just knew it was bad and that was enough." She gave the cat a scratch under the chin. "But we're okay now, right?" She said to the cat. Olivia thought it was strange that she used the word "we". Had Anya been in an abusive situation too, or was she just saying that to be endearing with the cat? She thought it best not to ask.

The cat meowed loudly again, staring right at Olivia. "I think she's hungry." Olivia acknowledged.

Anya rolled out of bed and the silver cat immediately took off, bounding playfully out of the room. Anya went to her closet to tie a lavender robe around herself. "Oh, she's definitely begging for her breakfast. It's a bad habit that I can't seem to get her out of." Anya said, taking a glance in the mirror at her dresser and running her hands through her hair. "Poor thing. I've had her two years now and she still thinks that every meal will be her last." Anya emerged from the closet with a second robe over her arm. "Speaking of…are you staying for breakfast?" Against what Olivia thought was her better judgment, she nodded a "yes" to Anya as she got out of bed. Anya tossed a blue robe to Olivia to wear over her t-shirt. Anya passed Olivia on her way to the bathroom and gave Olivia a quick kiss, "Good."

While Olivia was washing her face and brushing her teeth with a toothbrush that Anya had set out for her, Anya went out to the kitchen to feed Katka. After Katka was satisfied and quiet, Anya went to the refrigerator to pull out some items to make breakfast for herself and for Olivia. She was pleased that Olivia had decided to stay for the morning, although she had expected her to leave. Olivia soon came into the kitchen and had a seat in one of the bar stools.

"Can I help with anything?" Olivia asked, feeling restless and wanting to do something with herself.

"No." Anya said, organizing two eggs, a couple of pieces of bread, some bacon and other items out on the counter so she could manage all of the tasks at once. "Actually, would you mind getting the paper for me? It should be just outside the door."

Olivia got up and went to the front door to pick up Anya's copy of the Sunday Times. I should be really uncomfortable about being here this morning and maybe I am a little bit, but whatever this is…it's kind of nice. Olivia thought to herself.

"I assume you want coffee, Olivia?" Anya asked from across the apartment, interrupting Olivia's thoughts.

"Yes, please." Olivia called back, closing the front door as she came back in with the paper. The fact that I am here this morning means something. I've only gone out with her a handful of times, but I'm going to be sharing a Sunday breakfast with this woman. She hasn't even mentioned last night. I think we need to talk about it, but maybe we don't. Maybe she doesn't need to talk about it, but I think I need to talk about it.

When Olivia came back to the kitchen, there were two pans on the stove sizzling with oil and a kettle of water warming up. She sat at the bar again, pulling the paper out of it's plastic wrapper to look at the headlines, which were never pleasant. Anya leaned over the bar, gave Olivia another kiss, and thanked her for getting the paper.

"I'll have to pick up a Post on the way to the studio this afternoon." Anya said, dropping an egg into the simmering water to poach them.

Olivia furrowed her eyebrows. "You read the Post?" She was surprised; given that her other political magazines were fairly liberal.

"Of course. First of all, it's usually only 25 cents. And second, I never actually get to read the Sunday Times on a Sunday because I always have to work. I read it on Monday, but I want to be current, so I pick up the Post." She dropped a few pieces of bacon into the skillet and removed the eggs from the boiling water. "It of course ticks me off to read it because the opinions in that paper are just ridiculous, but…it gives me more perspective, I guess." The coffeepot started to gurgle as the black liquid seeped down into the carafe. "By the way, I hope you like really strong coffee. I'm not very fond of coffee to be honest and never drink it, but my father brings his own over here so he can have it when he's here watching Katka when I'm out of town. It's really, really strong."

"Actually, I prefer it that way." Olivia said simply. She got up. She couldn't not help Anya, so she picked up the pieces of bread and dropped them into the toaster for her. Such a trivial task, but at least it was something. Olivia was curious to know more about Anya so she asked if she was close to her father.

Anya nodded as she split up the bacon and poured the pieces onto two plates. "Very." When the toast shot up, she used a fork to put the poached eggs onto the toast. Olivia took the plates over to the kitchen table. She turned around to get her coffee, but Anya stopped her telling her to sit down and that she'd get it for her. She prepared Olivia's coffee to her liking, and when the teakettle whistled, she made her tea before joining Olivia at the small table.

"Thanks for breakfast." Olivia said, looking up at Anya. She looked beautiful, even without a touch of make up or even brushing her hair.

"You're welcome. Thank you for not leaving in the middle of the night." Anya said with a smirk.

Olivia gave her a crooked smile back as she cut into the toast with her fork. "So I assume your dad lives here in New York?" Olivia asked.

"Yes, he's lived in Brooklyn his whole life. He loves it there. Only crosses the bridge to come and see me. I love Brooklyn too, but it's much more convenient for me to live here."

"So you were raised in Brooklyn. What part?" Olivia wondered. She had been raised in Manhattan. It was a relief to know that they didn't _have_ to have a conversation about the night before. Obviously, it was a good time and Anya didn't feel the need to go into it so Olivia eased her mind and let the questions go away for the time being.

"Brighton Beach, but I was born in Russia and spent the first six years of my life there."

Olivia was trying to figure out the math in her head, but was unsuccessful and didn't want to assume anything, so she decided to just keep asking questions. "So your mother is in Russia?"

"I would assume so, but I don't really know." Anya admitted, taking a sip of her tea. "I don't know who my birth parents are and I quite frankly don't care to know." Anya looked up to gauge Olivia's reaction. It was true that she didn't know Olivia very well, but she also wasn't the type to hide her answers if asked. "The man who I know as my father adopted me. His wife passed away shortly after I arrived in America, so I didn't know her and don't consider her to have been my mother. She was unable to have children, which is why they brought me over from Russian. They are both Russian, so they naturally wanted a Russian child."

"No wonder you are close then." Olivia said.

As she thought about Anya's upbringing, she couldn't help but notice that she shared certain circumstantial similarities. Anya didn't know either of her birth parents and was only raised by one. Olivia was curious about the first six years of her life in Russia, wondering what kind of hell, if any, she went through growing up in foster or orphanage care. She was well aware of what the stereotypes were for children raised in Russia under those circumstances. She remembered her comment earlier about abuse to her cat, but didn't want to bring up any painful subjects. Anya revealed quite a chunk about herself as it was. She wanted her time with Anya to be without strife because the rest of her life was filled with so much of it. It frustrated Olivia that Anya's life wasn't as picture perfect as it had originally seemed, but it also made the woman more real to her. It perhaps explained why she had such an honest and "take it or leave it" attitude.

"So what does he do?" Olivia asked, taking a last bite of her eggs and toast before picking up her bacon with her fingertips to eat.

"He owns a restaurant. He spends almost every waking hour there too, although I wish he wouldn't." Anya said, rolling her eyes.

"Is it very traditional?" Olivia asked, taking her and Anya's empty plates to the sink. Despite the variety of cuisines available to her by living in New York, she wasn't entirely familiar with Russian or Slavic food in general. Chinese take-out was the preferred cuisine at her precinct and ultimately, what she ended up eating a lot of the time.

"Oh yes." Anya affirmed. "The menu is entirely in Russian, which I think was a poor choice on his part." She got up to help Olivia with the dishes. "Very exclusive to others, you know? But, he's been in business since before I came to this country, and it's a neighborhood favorite, so what do I know?" Anya stood away from the sink, leaning against the counter, allowing Olivia space to wash the dishes after Olivia wouldn't move aside to let her help. "What about you, Olivia?"

Olivia laughed, nervously. "What do you mean?" 

"I mean…are you close to your father?" Anya asked. Olivia's hands slipped and a dish nearly fell out of her hands and into the sink. She managed to catch it, but she set it down and turned to walk away from Anya with the intent of avoiding the question. Anya noticed how shaken the woman was by what she had thought was an innocent question, and grabbed her hand to stop her. "Olivia." Anya whispered. "I didn't mean to pinched a nerve. You don't have to tell me. I'm sorry."

Olivia turned to Anya and nodded her head, giving Anya a strained smile, "I know you didn't mean anything." Anya ran her soapy fingers through Olivia's hair, and brushed her thumb around the edge of her face, bringing her chin up to meet Olivia's lips with a kiss. Olivia graciously accepted the woman's mouth and extended it by pulling her closer. Olivia was always trying to keep her violent impulses at bay, constantly questioning whether her own genetics brought on such intense reactions in certain situations. After Anya had brought up the one subject Olivia dared not to tread upon with anyone, she felt she had to work harder in order to hold back certain dark urges within herself.

Anya opened her lips slightly and only for a second, before curling them around Olivia's. Olivia felt compelled to be inside of Anya again and pushed her tongue into the exotic woman's mouth, playfully teasing the inner flesh. She took hold of Anya's hips and lifted her effortlessly from the floor and sat her down on the counter with her legs dangling over on either side of Olivia's hips.

As Olivia kissed her, Anya held Olivia's head in her hands, scratching the back of her neck and pulling her closer. Olivia brought her hands down to the cotton rope that held the woman's robe closed and loosened it enough to allow her hands to enter and touch Anya. She still wore the silver satin lingerie and touching it was almost like touching Anya herself. Olivia massaged the woman's breast under the lacey bodice but then moved her hand slowly down the side of her body as Anya softly moaned into Olivia's mouth. Olivia's lips moved to Anya's neck and kissed it as her hand traveled south.

"As much as I would love to see where this is going" Anya began, but did not want to finish her thought, though she knew she would have to. Just as Olivia's hand reached the base of the other woman's nightdress and started to lift it to reach between her legs, Anya pulled away. Olivia looked at her as if she'd been left hung out to dry. "I have to get to work." Anya said it as a matter of fact.

Now Olivia was the one with a look of disenchantment in her eyes. She let out a frustrated grunt, and begrudgingly lowered Anya back down to the floor. "Now I know what it feels like, I guess." Knowing she had done the same to countless men.


	22. Chapter 22

**Ch. 22**

**Spoiler: Season 1, Slaves (some material used for the show) & Season 2, Wrong is Right (just establishing that the new season has started.)**

Weeks turned into months and Olivia continued to see Anya, although she wasn't certain what their status was officially. It was never discussed, but whatever it was, it worked out for both of them. They went out or stayed in together almost weekly, sometimes more than that if their schedules allowed for it. Sometimes they spent the night in each other's apartments, falling asleep in each other's arms, but other times, they went their separate ways after a date. What Olivia did understand was that their relationship was very casual and comfortable; each of them getting the attention they wanted, when they wanted it, without the hassle of unrealistic expectations.

As fall approached, Anya had several touring commitments with ABT outside of New York and so she wasn't able to see Olivia as much as she would have liked. With Anya gone much of the time, either on tour with ABT or just doing educational seminars out of the city, Olivia easily distracted herself with work.

Everyone at the precinct was on edge due to each and every one of them being shrunk within the next day or so to see if they were capable of continuing their jobs with SVU. The psychiatrist and Cragen didn't say that in so many words, but everyone knew their jobs were on the line. The idea of losing her job with SVU was unbearable to Olivia and was brought to the forefront of her mind when the shrink asked Olivia what she would do if she couldn't work in SVU anymore. Her mind raced for an answer, but she came up with nothing. The harder she thought about it, the more she realized that she was nothing without this job. Sure, she had Anya, but did she really? She started to overanalyze their relationship and wondered if she did or not. They never said that they loved each other despite the fact that they got along so well and had been dating for months. There was no reason to suggest otherwise, but the words never came out of either of their mouths. It would be somewhat normal to have reached that phase in their relationship, wouldn't it?

The thought of Olivia's existence being worthless without Special Victims both scared and impassioned her. Tears welled up in her eyes when she grasped the truth, but she dared not speak a word to the doctor, should her answer be the wrong one and she were requested to transfer out of the unit. She was too co-dependant on her job to be able to bear such a loss. Her emotional state grabbed her from behind and she whispered softly to the doctor that she loved the job and couldn't imagine her life without it. That she _needed_ to be with SVU to make her life worth living. It gave her a purpose and she felt it was her calling in life. Her head fell into one of her hands and she allowed a few of her tears to leave her eyes and drip down between her fingers, stopping at her wrist. She took in a deep breath and wiped her wrist onto her slacks and looked back up at the doctor, asking if the interview was over. The doctor nodded. Olivia feared the worst.

Olivia left her phone on the edge of the one-way window ledge as she and Elliot went into interview room one to interrogate a potential suspect. On the other side of the glass, Captain Cragen and the new assistant district attorney assigned to handle all of the unit's cases watched as the detectives walked on eggshells around their young suspect. Alexandra Cabot started working with SVU only a few weeks prior, but had already established somewhat of a rocky relationship with the detectives. Olivia could barely stand to even be around the woman due to their priorities being the polar opposite, and did her best to avoid communicating with her about anything other than the cases they handled together.

While Olivia and Elliot worked on sealing up the holes in their suspect's ever-changing story, Olivia's phone started to ring on the windowsill. It broke Alex's concentration and she quickly grabbed the phone to silence it, but not without glancing at the name and number that digitally flashed in the green backlighting.

"Is it Warner?" Cragen asked Alex without breaking his focus on his detectives' work in the room.

"No, I don't think so." Alex said, putting the phone back on the windowsill. "Someone named Anya?" Alex mispronounced the name, using a long 'a' as in 'Annie.'

"Oh, okay." Cragen answered. "_Ah-nya_." He corrected the attorney. "Damn, I wish we could get those lab results faster." He spoke to himself.

A few moments later, Cragen's phone rang at his desk. He left the attorney alone to observe the interrogation, hoping the call was from the M.E. When he returned, he knocked on the door before entering, nodding for his detectives to leave the suspect alone.

"What's up?" Olivia asked.

Cragen explained that the M.E. had called with an update. The suspect they had in the interrogation room was not the right person, but Alex didn't want to let him go yet in case more information came to light. Olivia grabbed her phone from the ledge and put it in her pocket without checking to see if she had gotten any messages. "Oh, uh, Anya called." Cragen mentioned, pointing to her phone.

She answered only with a small smile. _She must be back in town._ "Thanks."

Olivia rarely showed any emotion other than bitterness around Alex so even though it was subtle, she definitely noticed a change in Olivia's demeanor when Cragen mentioned the woman's name to her. Olivia went to her desk and dialed Anya's number while Alex stood at Elliot's desk to tell him and detective Munch what she needed in order to make alternative charges stick to their suspect in an effort to divulge more information from him.

Alex knew Olivia didn't agree with her on many subjects when it came to their cases, but she also knew that they would have to get along better to have a more positive working relationship. She knew nothing about the detective's personal life and was continually trying to find alternative means of learning more about her so she could cautiously chip away at Olivia's personal Berlin Wall. As the phone rang in Olivia's ear, Alex withdrew herself slightly from the conversation with Elliot and Munch to eavesdrop on Olivia.

"Hi, are you back in New York?" Olivia asked.

_"Yes, I'm in town for several weeks before I'm gone again. I'm so exhausted. I'll be so glad when all of this touring is over for the winter."_

"That makes two of us then." Olivia said, smiling into the phone.

_"I noticed this call came from your work number. I assume that you didn't lose your job after all?"_

"Yes, everything worked out, thank God." Olivia answered. She had nearly forgotten about the psych evaluations from a few weeks ago. Had it been that long since she'd seen Anya?

_"I told you everything would be fine." Anya reassured her. "It may be way past due, but can I take you out for dinner to celebrate?"_

"Yeah, I'd like that. Tonight?" 

"Alex." Elliot interrupted the blonde's eavesdropping, giving her a suspicious look. She turned her attention back to Munch and Stabler, but was uncertain where the conversation had left off before Elliot broke her concentration. She slowly re-involved herself in the discussion of the case and where they stood in terms of evidence and probable cause, and left Olivia to her own business.

"Where would you like to go?" Anya asked Olivia.

"I was actually thinking that I'd like to try Russian. I've never had it before." Olivia responded.

"Well, I'd love to share that with you, but I'm pretty picky. There are only a couple places in Manhattan that I think are acceptable. The rest are all in Brooklyn."

"Why not your father's restaurant?" Olivia suggested.

"Well, of course I think his is the best, but even the menu is in Russian. Wouldn't that make you uncomfortable?"

"Not if you translate it for me."

"Okay. It won't be a very romantic dinner. It's a very lively restaurant, but if that's okay with you…"

"It's fine. If I'm going to try Russian food, I want it to be good and I trust your judgment." She half wondered why Anya didn't want to take her to her father's restaurant. Was that getting too personal? Or maybe she did want her to go, but was worried that Olivia would feel like an outcast somehow. She brushed her theories aside and told Anya to pick her up around 7, to which Anya confirmed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Ch. 23**

Anya was right: the restaurant was more than lively. It was practically a zoo with dozens of people eating, laughing, and drinking. Mostly drinking. People moved from table to table in order to greet friends, neighbors, and family. Olivia didn't have too much time to take in her surroundings upon entry of the restaurant before a very large and robust man approached them with a wide smile and open arms.

"_Anya!_" He called out to her. "_Long time no see! Your father will be thrilled to see you!_"

"It's good to see you as well, uncle." She said, giving him a hug. The man nodded to Olivia, realizing that he was in the presence of someone who was unfamiliar with his preferred language. "Where is he?" She asked.

"I'll go and get him. Sit wherever you like." He handed Olivia a menu and went to the back of the restaurant to fetch Anya's father.

Anya took Olivia's hand to guide her through the maze of people to the back of the restaurant. She found a semi-circled booth for them, and slid into the seat after Olivia.

"What do you recommend?" Olivia asked not even attempting to read the menu.

"That depends." Anya responded. "Mostly, you select a few a la carte items to make your meal. Why don't you tell me what you won't eat; that might make it easier for me to decide."

"Veal." Olivia answered.

"That's it? Just veal?" Anya asked to double check. Olivia nodded. "What about caviar or lamb?"

Olivia looked up as if she were thinking about it. "No lamb, but I'll try caviar."

Anya nodded with a smile before looking down onto the menu to see if anything had changed since she'd been there last. Olivia looked around the room, noticing a tall, older man with salt and pepper hair and a beard approach their table with a proud smile. Anya put the menu down and rose from the table to embrace him.

"_Anya! Light of my life, my precious child. What brings you home tonight?_" He kissed her forehead before releasing her.

Anya sat back down at the table. "My friend Olivia wanted to try Russian food and this is the only worthy place in all of New York."

"_Ah," _He chuckled_. "You know what I like to hear, my pet_." He laughed and pet her hand roughly. Anya scooted herself closer to Olivia to allow her father to sit beside them.

"I'd prefer it if you spoke in English, father." Anya said pointing her nose down and her eyes up to push her point that they were in the presence of others and for him to not be rude.

He looked over to Olivia, "My apologies." He nodded at Olivia to greet her properly. "I am Dimitri." He nearly broke her hand with a powerful shake. "It has been a while since I have seen my daughter. She has been in Europe, you know. I must grill her for a moment and it is easier for me to do that in Russian; certainly you don't mind?" He asked.

"By all means…" Olivia said with a smile and a shrug. She raised one of her hands and offered it to him as if permitting him to continue to speak with Anya in Russian.

Anya prayed to her father with her eyes, hoping that he wasn't about to embarrass her.

Dimitri noticed the glare his daughter gave him and wagged his finger at her. "_Now, now, Anya. You are not the one to be scolding me. Who is this woman? Is she another one of your girlfriends?_"

_"I only returned to New York yesterday and am still tired. Must I go into details about her now?" Anya insisted._

"_I suppose it is a waste of my energy to hope that you will meet a man one day, yes?_" He said embracing the much smaller woman with his arm, giving her a playful shake.

_"You're the only man in my life, you know that."_

_"Yes, I know. But if you must be with women, why not be with a Russian at least, my child? That is so important to me, Anya."_

_"But it's not important to me." _Anya rubbed one side of her face, trying not to roll her eyes at him, but getting annoyed at the conversation nonetheless.

_"Whatever happened to Natalya? She is so beautiful." _He said raising his hands to the sky, as if pleading with God.

_"We're not going to talk about her again, are we?" _Anya said, dropping her head back against the wall. She sighed before lowering her chin and looking towards Olivia with a smile. "_Besides, I think that Olivia is beautiful_." She took her hand and ran her fingers though Olivia's now much shorter locks. Olivia recognized her name being tossed out of Anya's mouth to her father. It was killing her that she didn't have Munch with her to translate, and it shocked her that Anya was being so affectionate with her in front of family.

"_Well, yes, yes, of course she is beautiful. I don't blame you at all, Anya. Keep her away from me._" He laughed at his own joke, nudging his daughter with his elbow. "_But she is Greek, Anya._" He protested.

"_I don't know that she is Greek. Just because her name is Greek, doesn't mean that she is._" Anya pinched his arm harshly with her fingernails. He gasped, getting a clue and backing off with his questions. "I've had enough lashing for one night, are you quite finished now?"

"Yes, yes, I'm finished." He said, exasperated, and rubbed his forearm where Anya had pinched him. "I hope she is not as violent with you as she is with me." He joked to Olivia. Rising from the table, he asked, "Shall I bring you something to eat and drink?"

"Yes, please." Anya answered. "Bring us some caviar to start and the rest is up to you. No lamb or veal." The man nodded and turned around before Anya interrupted again, calling out to him. "But _don't_ overdo it. Our stomachs are in no way as large as yours and we don't want them to be."

"I know, I know." Dimitri waved his hands at her as he walked away. "Wait." He turned around again. "Are you drinking wine or vodka tonight?" He asked, raising an inquiring eyebrow to Olivia.

Anya leaned over and whispered into Olivia's ear. "The correct answer would be vodka."

Olivia gave the man the answer he wanted to hear. He continued to the back of the kitchen, barking at his staff to meet every need that Anya asked of them. Olivia sat back and looked to Anya, somewhat curious as to what had just happened. Anya rubbed her hand against Olivia's leg to reassure her. "He's upset that you're not Russian, but he didn't have any complaints other than that." Olivia nodded with a smile. "Although, I'm afraid that won't be the last time we're interrupted tonight."

"It's okay, Anya. I'm enjoying the change of pace." Olivia said, taking Anya's hand under the table.

Anya leaned over and gave Olivia a quick kiss, glad to see her after such a long parting, before sitting back against the booth again. Within moments, a caviar tray, two other cold appetizers, and two glasses of chilled vodka arrived at their table. Anya put a small bit of caviar onto a cracker for Olivia and handed it to her to try before making one for herself.

"Wow, that is good." Olivia acknowledged.

"I know." Anya said with a smile, biting down on her own prepared cracker. "I have missed out on a lot with you lately, I'm sure. Tell me what's going on with you and work and whatever else that may be on your mind."

"Not much going on with me, really, but definitely a lot of changes at work." Anya nodded, waiting for Olivia to go on. "One of our detectives is probably on her way out the door. She didn't do so well with the psych evaluation and has been on desk duty for weeks. I think she's either going to end up leaving or getting fired because she's noticeably upset about it." Olivia said, taking another caviar covered cracker from Anya. "Not that I blame her. I'd be a wreck."

"I'm sorry to hear that." Anya answered.

"I like the new detective that's been working with John though. I kind of hope he'll stick around." Olivia tried one of the other salads at their table and took a sip of vodka, shaking her head as she swallowed the strong, grainy beverage. She was not used to drinking such a harsh and overpowering liquor with something as light as a salad, but it did compliment the other flavors in her mouth. She consciously made a note to sip the drink very slowly or else risk collapse. "We have a new attorney named Alex assigned to all of our cases too."

"Oh, and how is he doing?" Anya asked.

"Alex is a she." Olivia said to Anya with a smile to correct her. Anya nodded and waited for Olivia to continue. "She does a good job, but she's about as pretentious as they come." Olivia said with a disapproving shake of her head.

"How so?" Anya said, taking a sip of her own vodka and looking over to Olivia with her bright eyes.

"She just rubs me the wrong way, I guess. Her motivations are purely political as opposed to simply getting justice for the victims. She wants to achieve all of these 'firsts' so that she can move up the ladder quickly. I don't see her hanging around SVU for long."

Olivia went on critiquing Alex until the waiter came by the table to pick up the appetizer trays, letting the two women know that their entrees would be out shortly. Olivia asked Anya about her trip to Belgium, what it was like while she was there, how the performances went, etc. As she spoke, Olivia couldn't help but notice a tall brunette woman with striking features walk into the restaurant with the same poise and grace that Anya possessed. She couldn't hear what she and Dimitri were talking about, but she watched as he approached her with the same bravado that he had displayed with Anya. He lowered his face to her ear as if he was whispering something to her, and then he nodded in the direction of their table. The woman swiftly looked in their direction, and her eyes stung into Olivia's. Olivia looked to Anya quickly to avoid a prolonged glance, but saw that she didn't notice who had entered the restaurant. Olivia looked up again to see the woman heading to the bar to hand off her long coat and get something to drink.

Their food arrived at the table, and within seconds the brunette captured Olivia's attention again by inviting herself to their table.

"_Good evening, Anya._" The woman remarked, pulling up a chair and sitting opposite of the two women with a martini in hand.

Olivia glanced at Anya from the corner of her eye to determine whether this woman was a friend or foe. She saw that Anya's eyes narrowed and her lips tightened as she tried to act nonchalant towards the woman that sat opposite of them and continued to eat her dinner, without looking up.

_"You look stunning, as always." _The woman complimented her, which brought Anya's eyes up quickly, but she lowered them again to avoid looking at her for too long. _"And your date…"_ She looked to Olivia and raised her eyebrows in approval, _"Well, you've always had good taste."_

_"What are you doing here?"_ Anya asked her without emotion.

The woman laughed a little, ignored Anya's question, and looked through Olivia, sizing her up. Coincidently, Olivia did the same to her. The woman extended her jeweled hand to the detective to introduce herself. "Natalya." Olivia shook the woman's hand, and in an effort to be polite, she introduced herself as well.


	24. Chapter 24

**Ch. 24**

It didn't take Olivia very long to notice that Anya was drinking more than she was eating after Natalya joined their table. She never knew that such a thin person could consume so much vodka and manage to hold it so well, but she wasn't about to tell the woman what she should or shouldn't do. Especially when she'd drank just as much and was in no position to talk.

She also didn't feel any obligations to ask Natalya to leave their table. After a rocky start, Natalya was being more than kind to them by engaging in friendly conversation. She eventually moved from her chair across from them to sitting next to Anya in the rounded booth. She joined in the sharing of their food and told fond memories of the two women growing up together in ballet classes after Anya arrived in the States. Whenever Natalya asked Olivia a question about herself, Olivia kept her answers general, but left out the shielding sarcasm that she normally availed to others. She was fond of Natalya's company and enjoyed her side remarks of flattery.

"Do you dance with ABT as well?" Olivia asked Natalya, noticing the woman had a tall and lean frame, similar to Anya's. The way she carried her hands, like they floated in mid-air to reach her martinis also led her to believe that the woman had done more than take a few dance classes with Anya.

"No. I used to, but I prefer teaching to performing. I'm on the staff of New York City Ballet." Natalya said with a smirk towards Anya.

"When did you leave the company?" Olivia asked, taking another bite of food and chasing it with a sip of vodka on ice.

"A few years ago." Natalya reached her hand around Anya's face and folded one of the stray hairs behind her ear. "After Anya's breathtaking performance in _Giselle_," she said whimsically, moving her fingers to the woman's cheekbone and softly touching the skin at the dancer's neck. Natalya's eyes followed the twists and turns in Anya's exotic hairstyle. She had it pulled back into a messy, but purposeful knot with multiple strands curling down her neck with some spiking out around the pencil-like stake that held it all in place. "I love how you've done your hair tonight. Don't you, Olivia?" Feeling the heat of Olivia's glare, Natalya removed her hand from Anya's neck. Changing subjects, "Have you seen her perform?"

"Yes, but it was a few months ago." Olivia said, shifting closer to Anya. Even though their relationship had always been very informal, she was suddenly feeling a little possessive of Anya after Natalya's brazen flirtations right in front of her. Instead of dealing with it, she blamed her uncharacteristic reaction on the vodka flooding her system. She moved her hand from the table and rested it on Anya's lap, to which Anya turned to her and smiled, taking Olivia's hand in her own to reassure her.

A younger man, assumed to be a friend of the family, approached the table. _"Two gorgeous women surrounding Dimitri's angel, chatting over drinks and fine Russian cuisine."_ He wagged a finger at Anya. _"You are your father's daughter, there's no doubt about it."_ He chuckled. Anya, who was now drunk, smiled proudly at both of the women before winking at the family friend. He walked away, leaving the women alone in the corner booth.

_Wait a second...what's going on here?_ Olivia thought to herself. She didn't know what the man said, naturally, but his mannerisms towards the three women gave her an idea about what he had said. She was confused and wasn't able to piece things together as quickly as she normally would have been able to with the amount of vodka spinning in her brain. She looked a little closer at the situation and her eyes darted from Anya's to Natalya's. They _were_ all sitting rather close to one another and Olivia hadn't noticed until Anya shot her that mischievous look. It was one thing for her to be sitting close to and touching Anya, but it was quite another for Natalya to be practically wrapped around her as well.

A server arrived at their table, collecting the empty plates. "Can I get anything else for you ladies this evening?" The server asked, in English.

"The check." Anya blurted out, feeling Natalya's arm reach around her shoulders and her other hand fingering her small stomach carelessly. Olivia's attention returned to the waiter and didn't notice Natalya's advancing gestures.

"You know this is on the house. Dimitri wouldn't have it any other way." He remarked, waving his hand at her. "What about you?" He spoke to Olivia. "Would you like anything else? Some cheesecake or our hazelnut mousse?"

"Mmm...that hazelnut mousse is wonderful here." Natalya answered. She nodded to the waiter to give them a minute to think about it and he left the table.

Using the hand that was behind Anya, Natalya reached around to Olivia and gently massaged the base of her neck, curling her fingers around her short hair to get her attention. The combination of alcohol and the enchanting massage at her neck had the detective relaxing into what she thought was Anya's hand. She moaned into the intoxicating touch and looked over to Anya, her eyes heavy. However, as she did so, she quickly noticed that it was Natalya's hand that was rubbing her neck. Seeing the other woman's arm around her girlfriend in order to reach her lit her temper like wildfire and she aggressively pulled out from under Natalya's hand.

Instead of protesting to get Olivia to come close again, Natalya sneered at the woman with a haughty snicker, and lowered her hand to Anya's shoulder, and Anya did nothing about it. Olivia couldn't decide whether she wanted to smack Anya or Natalya, but Natalya interrupted Olivia's conflicting messages with a proposal. "Are you interested in sharing?" She asked with a smirk.

_What is she talking about? She's not suggesting what I think she's suggesting, is she?_ Olivia thought, looking into the woman's eyes to determine what her motives were. Her motives looked pretty damn clear. _No, she couldn't. But I can't remember what we were talking about. Damn it, I drank way too much vodka._ "What?" Olivia managed to ask, laced with attitude.

Natalya giggled, knowing she'd gotten Olivia to think about her second proposal without actually saying it yet. "The hazelnut dessert."

"Oh." Olivia remembered, but didn't give Natalya an answer. Trying to steady her spinning mind, she sat upright and away from the women with both of her forearms on the table. Anya took the opportunity to get up and use the restroom. Natalya moved out of her way before sitting back down, angling herself towards Olivia.

Olivia started to fidget with her hands, unsure where to put them other than smacking them across Natalya's face. She was angry and she was drunk, which was a bad combination all around. She turned to Natalya with a bitter sneer. "You know, I don't appreciate you hanging all over Anya."

"Why does it bother you?" Natalya said, moving closer to Olivia.

"Why does it bother me?" Olivia repeated the question, incensed by the woman's audacity. She couldn't answer the question though because that would mean that she would have to call Anya her girlfriend and she wasn't sure if that's what they were or not. She wasn't sure if she wanted Anya to be that to her, even though all the signs led her in that direction.

"You didn't seem to mind when my attention was on you, Olivia." Natalya shifted closer still. She spoke slowly and carefully, enticing Olivia against her will with every word. "That's a little...hypocritical, don't you think?" She reached her hand out to Olivia's and lightly touched the soft skin between her fingers.

"Except that it's not true." Olivia argued, pulling herself together and moving away from her. She rose from the table to go to the bathroom. She needed to find Anya and they needed to leave. Immediately.

As soon as Olivia entered the restroom, Anya returned to the table coming from another direction. She sat down next to Natalya and spoke to her in Russian. _"You need to stop."_

_"Why?"_ Natalya answered with a pout, and beginning to play with Anya's knotted hair.

_"Don't be coy with me, Natalya, we both know what you're trying to do."_ Anya said, not stopping the other woman's fingers from touching her.

Natalya curled her fingers around the stake in Anya's hair, locked her eyes on Anya's as if waiting for Anya to dare her, and then tugged at it until it came out. Anya's hair fell to her shoulders all at once and Anya shot her an aggravated glare. _"Mmm…if only getting you undressed were that easy."_ Natalya joked, moving further into the booth, practically on top of Anya. Her left hand came down and rested on the inside of Anya's thigh, lightly caressing her. _"Come on, Anya. Why don't we go and surprise the American detective in the restroom?"_ She proposed, moving her other hand up to fold back the collar of Anya's button-down shirt, teasing her neck with her fingertips and moving her lips closer to touch the skin without actually doing so, keeping her eyes up and focused on Anya's reaction before closing her eyes to kiss her collarbones.

Anya stopped her when she went to kiss the skin again, taking Natalya's chin in her fingertips and drawing her face up to her eyes in order to get her point across. _"I don't think she's interested."_ Anya lost herself in Natalya's perfectly lined eyes and quickly let go of her face and looked away so that she wouldn't kiss her.

Not relenting, Natalya placed her index finger on Anya's chin and turned her face towards her again. _"But you are. Besides, I think she'd change her mind if we gave her enough…"_ She moved her other hand up the outside of Anya's leg and tugged her close and against herself, _"…attention."_ She moved her lips closer to Anya, who started to close her eyes and tilt her head to the side to kiss the other woman.

"Excuse me." Olivia snapped, having returned to the table after finding that Anya was not in the restroom. "Am I interrupting something?" Anya immediately straightened up and sat against the back of the booth, shoving Natalya's hand off of her thigh, but Natalya didn't move away from her one bit, keeping her hand at Anya's collar. When no one answered her, Olivia pressed harder, "Anya?"

"We were just discussing you." Natalya answered for the dancer.

Anya spoke to Natalya under her breath with venom. _"I'm warning you."_

"Yeah, that's what it looked like." Olivia replied with a derisive laugh, rolling her eyes. "I think we should get back to the city."

_"She thinks she's the only one, doesn't she, Anya?"_ Natalya asked, turning her body to Anya with a laugh.

"Let's go." Anya said, rising from the table to meet with Olivia.

_"You'll have to tell her one of these days. Come on, Anya."_ She pleaded. _"If the American–"_

_"Her name is Olivia!"_ Anya roared at her. Olivia was taken aback by the woman's violent attack against Natalya, especially since her name had been thrown into it. Although she had screamed at her loud enough for at least half the restaurant to hear, Natalya didn't act like it had fazed her in the least. Anya laughed at the woman. _"You're a piece of work, you know that?"_ Natalya shrugged, amused that she'd gotten both women so horribly worked up.

Anya turned to Olivia, who was visibly angry that they were speaking in Russian to one another, thus excluding her from the conversation. Natalya reached for Anya's hand and took it, but Anya snatched her hand back from the woman. _"Don't touch me!"_ She stormed out of the restaurant without looking back. Olivia exited the restaurant as quickly as Anya, following close behind her.

They rounded the corner outside and headed towards Anya's car. "Fuck!" Anya screamed into the night air and quickly brushed the wetness from her eyes to keep Olivia from seeing. "I am so sorry, Olivia."

"You didn't look sorry until about five seconds ago when she finally said something you didn't want to hear." Olivia scolded her.

She sighed, slowing the pace in her walk. She turned to Olivia, who had been walking a few steps behind her, and tried to plead her case. "Okay, you're right. I was out of line, but I _am_ sorry."

"What did she say to you?" Anya ignored the question and reached into her purse to pull out her keys. "You're not driving anywhere." Olivia ordered.

"Excuse me?" Anya challenged her.

"You're drunk, Anya!" Olivia snatched the keys from her.

"So are you!" Anya yelled back.

"Then I guess we'd better find someplace to sit for a while." Olivia stated, although she really wished she were in Manhattan where she could easily just hail a taxi and go home. She started walking towards Ocean Parkway. Anya followed, but kept her distance until Olivia turned around and asked her again what Natalya said that had gotten her so upset.

"I don't think you need to know Russian to know what she wanted."

"What? That she wanted to go home and _fuck_ you?" Olivia asked with malice.

"_Us_, Olivia. She wanted to go home with us." Olivia rolled her eyes, trying not to think about it. "For a while, I thought that's what you wanted." She continued. "That's why I was going along with it." Anya said, passing the blame.

"Why would you think that I wanted that?" Olivia asked, glaring at her.

"You were flirting with her, Olivia!" Anya exclaimed.

"I was not!" Olivia belligerently protested.

Anya insisted, "yes...you were."

Olivia thought back on the evening. _Was I really?_ She couldn't remember.

"It's okay, Olivia." Anya said, interrupting Olivia's thoughts.

"Maybe for you it is, but it's not okay with me."

"And that's what I told Natalya, so don't worry about it."

Olivia sighed. She was in way over her head with Anya, but as angry as she was with her, she couldn't think of anyone else she'd rather be spending time with. Except for maybe Elliot, but Anya provided her with something no one else could: an escape from her own depressing reality. Elliot really only confirmed that reality because he had to deal with it as much as she did. He knew her secrets too, whereas Anya didn't. She appreciated that Anya knew when to back off and knew when to care. She never forced her for information related to her personal life. She just accepted Olivia at face value with no questions asked. And Olivia couldn't deny the fact that she cherished going home with the woman and making love to her at all hours of the night. The sex with Anya was never lacking and Olivia felt like she'd put up with a lot more from her than she would with other people she'd dated just to keep that insatiable addiction close at hand.

The evening was far from perfect, but it had been a while since they'd seen each other. Olivia kept telling herself that they would settle back into their own comforting rhythm soon. They just needed to relax.

Olivia asked if they could sober up in Anya's car rather than stumble around in circles in the dark. They turned around went back to the sleek, black car and settled into the stillness. Anya turned on the car, cracked the windows a bit, and flipped on the radio. They both needed to just cool off and deal with their reactions to the evening's events later. They sat in silence for a while, just listening to the soft music, until Anya reached her hand over and took Olivia's that had been resting in her lap. She pulled her hand up and gave it a small, apologetic kiss before settling it down between their seats. While Olivia didn't object to her touch, she was far from merciful. She turned her face out the window to avoid Anya, and closed her eyes in an attempt to disappear.


	25. Chapter 25

**Ch. 25**

A few weeks passed since their argument and misunderstanding regarding Natalya. The situation was never fully resolved, but instead they merely agreed to disagree and not bring up the sore subject again. Anya also made many sincere efforts to reassure Olivia of her place in her life. Even through Anya's assurances, Olivia couldn't let her suspicions go for superficial reasons. She was reluctant about giving too much of herself to Anya anymore after their encounter with Natalya. She was certain that they had shared some serious history and was far from convinced that it was over between the two dancers.

Despite her suspicions, she didn't stop seeing her. Anya still possessed quite a chunk of Olivia's heart as much as she hated to admit it. She loved spending time with her; getting away from the precinct and the normal routine she had fallen into. Anya was always in a good mood, was always ready to experience new things, and genuinely loved sharing them with Olivia. She made her feel special and almost always made herself available when Olivia had the time to get together. She also loved going home with her at night rather than spending every night alone in her apartment or at the precinct, but appreciated the fact that spending the night with Anya was not an expectation. The evenings they did spend together were electric and it was something Olivia did not want to lose.

The two women sat side by side in a near-empty subway car, making the trip uptown to Olivia's apartment after seeing a late-night movie. The clicking-clacking rails shifted back and forth methodically, acting like a hammock for the two very tired and exhausted women. "What time it is?" Anya yawned, dropping her head to Olivia's shoulder, and wrapping her arms around her waist.

"Around 11," Olivia said, checking her watch and yawning. "Stop yawning; it's contagious."

Anya closed her eyes and snuggled into Olivia's chest to get comfortable enough to try and take a nap on their way back to Olivia's apartment several stops away. "I shouldn't be so tired. I must be getting old." She sighed.

"What are you talking about? You're not old." Olivia had to laugh. She certainly didn't consider herself to be old and they were around the same age.

"Most dancers my age are pushing retirement, Olivia."

"Must be nice. NYPD won't let me retire until I'm being fitted for a coffin." She said with a smirk to herself.

Anya laughed. "You wouldn't retire even if they offered it to you tomorrow and you know it." Olivia nodded with a smile, knowing she was right. "Besides, the end of performing doesn't mean that I get a free ride for the rest of my life. I'll have to teach more or attend seminars, travel as a choreographer maybe. Who knows, really? It will be a whole new career to get used to."

"Is that the reason why Natalya left ABT?" Olivia asked, not knowing why, but at the very least knowing that she was older than Anya.

Anya smiled, knowing Olivia was not the type to let things go without full disclosure. She gave up on resisting Olivia's inquisition. She knew the woman was a detective that she had to get to the bottom of everything, no matter what it was and even if the subject was approached indirectly. "That was part of it, yes." She picked her head up from Olivia's shoulder and looked to the detective. "But she could have taught with ABT instead of going to the City Ballet. She chose to leave the company because of me." Anya stated honestly. She sat back against the subway seat, and ran her fingers through her long hair then tossed it over her shoulder. "We were together for a very long time, Olivia." She admitted.

"How long?" Olivia asked carefully, but as soon as she asked, she didn't want to know.

Anya took a deep breath and looked forward, away from the eyes she could lose herself in. "Twelve years. But I've known her since I was six or seven."

Olivia couldn't think of anything to say. She really wished she hadn't asked. Anya was clearly not over the relationship and Olivia felt she could in no way compete with that kind of history, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to try. She wondered if they should continue to see each other at all, but knew that Anya hadn't really done anything wrong to deserve such abandonment. She felt sorry for Anya and saw that she was more than just her lover, but a damaged casualty of loss, out there searching for what she knew she would never find again, but also knowing that the past was exactly that: the past.

"I don't really want to talk about it, if that's okay. I understand that you might have a right to know about my history with Natalya, but we've had such a nice night and I don't want it to go south like it did a few weeks ago." Anya took Olivia's hand. "I'm with you right now, Olivia, and I _want_ to be with you." She kissed her hand, then each one of Olivia's fingers.

At the next subway stop, the remaining people on their subway car left, leaving the two alone. Anya angled herself to face Olivia, who was leaned back against the subway wall. Noticing that they were alone and thinking that Anya could use some comforting, Olivia extending her arms out for Anya to embrace her.

Anya leaned against Olivia, who accepted Anya's lips when she went to kiss her. Anya pulled her closer and opened then re-closed her lips around Olivia's, trying to convince her that she was the only one that she wanted right now. _Damn, she's good._ Olivia thought, losing herself in Anya's kiss. _She knows what button to push, and when to push it._

Anya's fingers combed insistently through Olivia's short hair, twirling around the ends. She pressed herself against Olivia, pushing her to a slouch in the seat. Olivia held Anya with her full lips upon her more thin and defined ones until the dancer forced her tongue between Olivia's teeth, enticing Olivia to prolong their contact. Anya's hand left Olivia's hair and traced down to her arm, gripping it gently to balance herself. Even though no one was in their subway car, the possibility of someone walking in on them kissing was slightly exhilarating to the usually conservative detective. She ran her hands across Anya's back, up through her hair and down again, holding her tight and delighting in their kisses and the feeling of Anya holding onto her arm.

The subway engineer called over the speaker that the next stop would be Spring Street. Anya had her upper body completely covering Olivia's, kissing and touching her passionately. Olivia was feeling especially bold and perhaps even a little lonely, wanting to believe that Anya wanted to be with her, so she didn't stop her when the subway came to a halt and the doors opened, allowing new customers to enter. What Olivia didn't expect was for someone she knew to have entered her subway car to see her hands and mouth all over another woman.

A couple entered the subway car, both tipsy from being out at a bar in Soho all evening. The man wore a casual gray suit and his tie was loose from the woman's flirtatious hands. The woman wore a slinky red top with a strategically placed teardrop incision. She also wore pressed black pants, accented by a silver chain link belt that her fingers toyed with playfully. As they laughed and snickered at one another upon entering the subway car, the man's eyes never left the exposure of skin at the woman's cleavage until he spotted the two other beautiful women kissing and pawing hastily at one another at the end of the car.

"Niiiice!" He slurred under his breath, too drunk to hold back his reaction and stopping dead in his tracks, looking at Olivia and Anya. After the familiar bell chimed, warning customers to clear the way, the subway doors closed.

"Oh!" The woman gasped, realizing what he was watching. She smacked him lightheartedly on the arm. "Leave them alone, David." She said, tugging him to the other end of the subway car. He resisted, but followed her while keeping his eyes wide and watching the women, capturing every detail into his memory.

_I think I know that voice._ Olivia thought to herself, a little paranoid, but still entranced by Anya's kiss. _New York is a big city_, she told herself to excuse the thought_, it couldn't be her._ She completely forgot about her speculation as she lost herself in the feeling of her lover's hands roaming up underneath the front of her shirt, which elicited a soft moan out of her mouth.

"Cut it out!" Olivia heard the woman whisper to her date with a laugh.

Olivia opened her eyes slightly and looked over Anya's shoulder in the hopes of squashing her assumption of who had come onto their train. Instead, she saw exactly who she thought it was. Alex. The Assistant District Attorney was standing in the center of her train trying to distract her date from the two lesbians making out in the corner_. Fuuuck_. Before Olivia could comprehend the weight of this disaster and panic or try to hide behind Anya from her co-worker, Alex caught her eye and immediately recognized the familiar dark eyes.

Olivia shrieked Alex's name, jolting under Anya's body, pushing her off of her, straightening her shirt, and quickly covering her mouth with the back of her hand, turning away to try and find a rock to hide under. Unable to hide her own reaction, Alex's eyes widened in shock, and she stood paralyzed, holding onto one of the subway poles. _I'm not that drunk, am I? Am I really looking at who I think I'm looking at? My God, I never would have expected… Of all people!_

Anya sat back a little, baffled. "Who is Alex, Olivia?" Her sharp accent cut through the tension in the air. She ran her fingers through her hair to try and straighten it out.

_Oh great, Anya. Thanks a lot. There it is. My name. Out there confirming everything. Breathe, Olivia. Just breathe. So she caught me with another woman. Big deal, right? Oh Jesus Christ in Heaven there's no escaping this. My hands were all over her like a teenager – shit! She cursed herself._

"Hold on a minute." David said, looking at Alex then to the other women in the subway. "You know them?" He asked Alex, taken aback.

"Get a grip, will you?" Alex glared at him and walked over to Olivia and grabbed a subway pole across from Olivia to steady herself in the moving train. She didn't get too close to Olivia though; she knew she had already invaded quite enough of the detective's private life and could see that Olivia was overwhelmingly distraught about it. "I'm sorry, Liv. We didn't mean to, uh, well…" Alex, for once, was lost for words. "I think we'll just go to the next car."

"God, I'm so embarrassed." Olivia said quietly, almost to herself and keeping her eyes down and away from Alex.

"Don't be embarrassed." Alex reassured her, taking another step closer, but then backing up again, remembering to give Olivia some space.

"Why should you be embarrassed, Olivia? Who is this woman?" Anya asked, frankly and with furrowed eyebrows, pointing to Alex.

Olivia was hoping that Alex would just leave the subway car without introductions so that they could just show up for the Grand Jury hearing tomorrow as if nothing happened, but she knew that wasn't a realistic hope now that Anya had involved herself. "Anya, this is Alex." Olivia said, gesturing towards the tall blonde. W_ho looks damn good in that red shirt I might add, _Olivia thought, looking away from the open slit in Alex's shirt. "Alex…" She offered an open hand to the woman beside her. "Anya."

"Ohhhh, Alex." Anya said, a light bulb going off in her head. She extended her hand grandly for Alex to accept. "It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard _so_ much about you." The words were simple enough, but Anya had laced them with such a biting sarcasm and Alex picked up on it instantly and was properly offended.

"I'm sure you have." Alex said, dropping Anya's hand and crossing her arms over her chest, straightening her back. She turned her attention to Olivia with an icy glare.

Olivia couldn't do anything but sink deeper into the subway seat, touching her fingers to her brow to hide from Alex. This was only getting worse and with Anya's big mouth, she knew it wouldn't be the last smart remark she made if she didn't seize control of the situation.

"Well, Detective Benson. I didn't know that you had such a distaste for me." Alex was hurt, but didn't let on other than to express her disapproval. She maintained her stoic persona even while slightly intoxicated, but she certainly wasn't going to let Olivia get away without learning what Anya had meant by her statement.

"I don't, Alex." Olivia said, in an effort to try and save herself. "I don't hate you at all." Olivia nervously fidgeted with the sleeves of her shirt. "You just…took some time to get used to. I think you do a great job. Really."

Alex wasn't convinced. Her date now came to her side, holding onto her waist. David sat down opposite of Anya and Olivia, pulling Alex backwards to sit down as well. Alex reluctantly sat beside him and he put his arm around her, but she kept her arms crossed in front of her and her eyes fixated on Olivia. "I'm learning more than my fair share about you tonight, aren't I?" She remarked with a laugh, attempting to ease both of their minds, which didn't help at all.

Olivia rolled her eyes before giving a spiteful glare to Anya, who still didn't understand what the big deal was. There was no way to dig herself out of this hole. Someone, other than her, needed to say something. Quickly.

"Well." Alex sighed, folding her hands into her lap. "This is awkward." She said stating the obvious.


	26. Chapter 26

**Ch. 26**

Upon entering her apartment with David, Alex really didn't feel like following through with the plans she'd formulated in her mind earlier that night. She thought about sending him home and forgetting about this whole evening and starting over with her life tomorrow. Seeing Olivia and Anya together threw her for a loop; more than she had expected it to and she didn't understand why it concerned her. It was Olivia's business to do whatever she wanted with whomever she wanted. The woman deserved to have a life outside of SVU, and quite frankly she didn't think she _had_ one until tonight.

She never once assumed that Olivia dated women though. She wondered if everyone else knew about Anya, remembering when Cragen had corrected the pronunciation of her name, and whether she was the only one that was not privy to that information. Why would that be? Not that it was any of her business to know, but she wanted to get along with the detective and it bothered her to be excluded. She realized just how little she truthfully knew about her colleague. That raw comment from Anya certainly didn't help her mood either. _What a bitch._ She thought to herself.

When her apartment door closed behind the two of them, David started in on her immediately, kissing the back of her neck with his arms wrapped around her stomach, pushing her towards the bedroom. Although she was mildly participating, her mind was truly elsewhere, drifting far from the man in her apartment to seeing Olivia on the subway car so passionately lost in a kiss with Anya. The swift manner in which David was forcing himself on her led her to believe that his mind was elsewhere too and _that_ was something she would not tolerate.

"Why do I get the feeling that you're not thinking about me right now?" She asked, stubbornly standing in place to stop his forage to her lush bedroom.

"Don't be like that." He said, rummaging his hands down the front of her body, finding the button of her pants and undoing them. "You do have some beautiful friends though."

"That's what I thought." Alex moved out from under his hands and stepped away. She re-buttoned her pants. If he didn't want just her, then he wasn't going to have her. "You can leave." She pointed to the door.

"What?" He begged, approaching her again with open hands.

"You heard me." She said, taking a step back.

He thought for a second, trying to prevent this golden opportunity from slipping out of his fingers. "I _was_ thinking about you, Alex."

"No, you weren't. You were thinking about my co-worker, who is a highly respected detective I'll have you know, and her girlfriend!"

"That European woman was stunning, I'll admit that and you may hound me about it if it would make you feel better, but I wasn't thinking about her and your 'respected' detective." Alex heard a little more cynicism in his voice when addressing Olivia than she would have liked and it ticked her off just a smidgen more. "I was thinking about the detective and _you_."

Alex scoffed, slightly disgusted, but couldn't stop the flash of imagery of Olivia's lips kissing her own. She dismissed it. "Please don't go there, David. I have to work with her almost everyday."

"I know; it's just a harmless fantasy." David defended himself. "She's beautiful; you're beautiful. You can't be angry with me for just having a thought."

_Try me_, Alex thought, crossing her arms, still waiting to be convinced that he should be allowed to stay.

"You mean you've never once thought about it?" He asked.

_You mean except for just now? _"About Olivia? No! I _work_ with her. We're barely acquaintances and she apparently hates me."

"No, not just Olivia. Humor me, will you?" Alex was growing more offended by her date by the second. Who the hell was this person anyway? "I know you were in a sorority at Columbia. Stuff had to have happened in that house."

"Yeah, with _men_, David. I don't know what kind of sororities you had at your university, but that's not how things worked at mine." Now Alex was lying, but at least she was a good and believable liar.

"Okay, I get it. I apologize." He said taking a different approach. "I didn't mean to offend you, Alex." He said, walking towards her.

"Well, you did. So goodnight." Her words were sharp, as was the sound of her heels clicking against the hard wood floors when she made her way to the bedroom alone and closed the door behind her.


	27. Chapter 27

**Ch. 27**

**Spoiler: Season 2, Consent (some material used from the show).**

The next morning, Alex was due at the Grand Jury regarding a young sorority woman that had been drugged and then allegedly raped by another student. She wasn't very confident about the charges against the suspect, but never once let on because Olivia pressured her to pursue the case. Because she was trying to get on her good side, she had flipped through her rolodex of legal ethics and theories to come up with something that would hopefully stick and lead to an indictment.

Alex and Olivia sat together on a hard and uncomfortable wooden bench, waiting for the Grand Jury to render their decision. They were both completely insecure sitting next to one another. Alex was a little hung over from the night before, but noticed that Olivia was more nervous and fidgety than usual, changing which legs to cross over the other, biting at her lip, checking the time on her watch a thousand times, and folding then re-folding her long coat on the bench beside her. It was as if they were both still on the subway car together, both slightly embarrassed from witnessing something so supremely personal about the detective that Olivia had tried so dreadfully to keep private. _She needs to just relax, _Alex thought.

"Olivia," Alex finally said to pierce the silence. "I'm not going to tell anyone."

"Let's not talk about it, okay?" Olivia said defensively, glaring at her with furrowed brows.

"Okay." Alex said, backing off and agreeing to Olivia's request. The silence became deafening between them again. She couldn't take it. "I just…I don't want you to think that I'm judging you or anything."

_Thanks, Alex. I feel better now having your highness' approval._ Olivia sighed, fumbled again with her coat, and looked at her watch to see that only 45 seconds had passed since the last time she'd checked the time. "What is taking them so long?" She asked impatiently about the Grand Jury's decision.

"Don't read too much into it." Alex said, taking the hint to drop the subject. "They have a lot of evidence and testimony to go over."

A man came out of the Grand Jury room and handed Alex a tri-folded piece of paper that had the decision on it. It wasn't good news. She handed the paper to Olivia, who read it, then dropped the paper to her lap, defeated. This just wasn't going to be her day.

About a week later, Olivia left Anya's apartment early in the morning to go running in Central Park. It was a luxury that she didn't have nearby at her own apartment and she took advantage of it every time she spent the night with Anya. She was bundled up a little, protecting herself from the coming winter chill.

"Olivia!" A familiar voice called out to her. She turned around, knowing it wasn't Anya at this early bird hour. It was Alex wearing worn sneakers, blue running pants, a gray t-shirt and a similarly colored blue jacket. She looked kind of cute dressed so causally it was definitely a different look from her always perfect, always pristine suits and skirts that Olivia was used to seeing her in. Her hair was even in a tiny ponytail rather than twisted halfway up or flat ironed perfectly straight. When she approached the detective, she was out of breath. "You don't take many breaks, do you?" She said in between heaving breaths.

Olivia smiled, not even close to being worn out. "I don't get the chance to take a break when I'm chasing a perp, so why should I allow myself to break now?"

Alex put her hand over her heart, still trying to catch her breath. "Well, _I_ need a break." She started walking to a nearby bench to sit down. "I saw you running waaaaay back there," she said pointing to the far distance, "and I've been trying to catch up with you ever since." Alex fell onto the bench and pulled her gloves tighter around her fingers.

_It's not that cold out here_, Olivia thought, noticing Alex's gloves.

"Slow down for a minute for my sake." She said patting the empty space on the bench next to her.

Olivia sat down next to Alex, putting her hands into her pockets. _Okay, so maybe it's a little chilly_, she admitted to herself.

"I didn't know you lived around here." Alex continued to talk out of nervousness, but she didn't want to put her off so she started with general small talk.

"I don't." Olivia answered. "I live in Chelsea."

"You come all the way up here just to run? I know there are other nice parks down where you live." Alex pointed out.

Olivia laughed, nodding behind herself. "Anya lives over on Amsterdam."

Alex opened her lips, mouthing 'oh' but not actually saying it. "So you two must be pretty serious then?" She asked, curious. She thought again about her question when Olivia didn't immediately answer her, and attempted to retract it. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business."

"No, it's okay, Alex." Olivia interrupted, but still didn't answer the question. "I've been meaning to apologize to you."

Alex scrunched her eyebrows, baffled. "For what?" 

"Uh…for a lot of things, I guess." Olivia sighed, rubbing her hands against the tops of her thighs. "For starters, I haven't been the nicest person since you started representing our cases." She really didn't want to go into details about what she was apologizing for and hoped that Alex would just accept what she had given her as enough. She had gotten into such a familiar pattern of unspoken but understood conversations with Elliot that she was now more comfortable with that method of communication than actually talking.

"It's okay, Olivia." Alex said, knowing that the detective was never forthcoming and was uncomfortable about doing so.

"I'd like to make it up to you in some way, if I can." Olivia said, searching for an appropriate way to follow through with this suggestion.

"That's not necessary. Really. We're different people. I'm sure we'll figure out how to work well together as time passes." Alex said, although she was hoping that Olivia would ask her out for a few drinks or something.

"Would you be my date for dinner anyway?" _Oops, that came out wrong. _Olivia cringed at her words. _I hope she didn't read that as me asking her on a date-date._

Alex smiled back at Olivia and nodded. "Okay, how about this Friday after work?" 

_Friday…Friday…_ Olivia thought, scanning her brain. _Do I have plans with Elliot or the guys? Probably not and Anya is going out of town again, so Friday is okay._ "Yeah, I think Friday would be fine." Olivia answered. "Just come by the precinct after you're finished at work."

"Sounds good." Alex said with a smile. "I have to get home before I go in this morning." She stood from the bench, but turned around to face Olivia to say goodbye. "It was nice chatting with you, Liv. Have a nice Monday."


	28. Chapter 28

**Ch. 28**

Olivia's skin was on fire as Anya dragged her long nails alongside her ribcage down to her thighs. She loved having Anya on top of her, her light and delicate weight pressing against her, her green eyes burning into her own, and her long strawberry curls falling over her shoulders and onto Olivia's face, gently flowing back and forth with every pulse of Anya's body driving against her own. She had been awake for fifteen minutes and only managed to get a bra and panties on when Anya sabotaged her attempts to dress for work by attacking her from behind and pressing her forward and onto the bed. Ordinarily, Olivia would not have been so spontaneous when she needed to get to work, but Anya was leaving for London today, where she was to be a guest performer with the Royal Ballet and would be gone for at least a month. Olivia wanted to savor every touch and every taste of the woman, knowing it would be all too long until she'd see Anya again.

Anya tore off Olivia's panties and tossed them to the floor before slipping her fingers between Olivia's legs and anticipated being inside of her detective. Olivia was warm and wet, and she moaned with every stroke of Anya's fingers against her clit. Anya lifted her hips and pushed her hand against the other woman and dipped two of her fingers into her, slowly forcing her way in and out while keeping her fingers curled up slightly to tease the inner, soft flesh.

Olivia lurched her head forward, seizing Anya's lips and brought her face back down, kissing her feverously, opening her mouth wide and thrusting her tongue into Anya's mouth. Anya sucked back on Olivia's tongue before pushing her own through Olivia's lips while pulsing her fingers inside of Olivia. She quickened her fingers, making circular patterns within her and Olivia released Anya's lips, her breath short and shallow, her eyes gazing up into Anya's, waiting and hungry. Olivia wrapped one hand around Anya's back, holding her, and pulled her down until Anya's head lay beside her own, breathing into Olivia's ear, and her naked body laying atop of Olivia's.

Olivia opened her knees wider and her thighs tensed. The hand that wasn't clasped around Anya found its way between her own legs and she held Anya's fingers inside, pushing them deeper. Olivia moaned and called for Anya, begging her to continue as she felt herself overcome with the rapture of Anya's sex. Anya pushed in further and harder into Olivia, following through with Olivia's requests and she felt the woman's hips buckle against her hand as she listened to her voice cry for her in short spurts of sheer pleasure until Olivia silenced herself and her breathing, gripping onto Anya's back and hand, her head arching back. Anya kissed and bit upon Olivia's neck until she heard the brunette let out a final elongated cry of ecstasy and felt the woman's hands relax and drop away from contact.

Anya rolled off of Olivia, propped herself up on her elbows, and looked over to Olivia. "Good morning." She said with a smirk, lowering her lips to kiss the lightly panting woman.

Olivia looked at her with a gratified smile and closed her heavy brown eyes, letting out a sigh. _Good morning._ Anya tenderly touched her cheek before rising from the sheets and walking towards the bathroom, picking up a set of clothes she'd laid out to wear earlier that morning.

Olivia sighed again, rolled over, and clutched the corner of the top sheet, pulling it over herself. She chuckled quietly to herself and laid in bed for a moment before getting up to start re-dressing for work. Olivia had her pants, her gun holster, and a bra on when the phone rang in Anya's apartment. Anya was still in the bathroom, gathering her things to finish packing for England. Olivia never answered the phone for her, always letting the answering machine pick it up so that Anya was the only person responsible for her own calls and messages. The machine was across the room from the bed, but within earshot so she heard the digital click when the message started.

"I hope you haven't left for the airport yet, Anya." The female voice on the message had a thick English accent. "I've moved recently and wanted to give you my new address so you can come over straight away. My number hasn't changed so call when you get in." Her voice lowered, "You know it doesn't matter how late it is." Olivia stopped buttoning her shirt and turned around to listen to the message closer. The woman spoke with a seductive trill, "It's been far too long, my love. We have _so_ much to catch up on." She chuckled subtlety before hanging up, ending the message.

Olivia's mood quickly dropped from cloud nine to the ninth level of hell. She finished buttoning her shirt quickly, pulled her small duffle bag out from beside the nightstand and started to collect her things. She never kept very much at Anya's place anyway, most of it was dispensable, but she did grab her night clothes, shoes, and other small items and shoved them into her bag. As she was doing so, Anya came out of the bathroom and asked Olivia who had called.

"I don't know." Olivia said, trying to hide her anger. She just wanted to get out without confrontation. "She didn't say. Why don't you listen to the message yourself?" She knew her anger wasn't going to be able to be held back for much longer, especially if she heard the message again.

Anya walked to the machine and replayed the message. Hearing it again enraged Olivia more just as she had expected it to do. The woman's voice and its affectionate cooing confirmed her suspicions that she'd developed recently. When the message ended, Anya didn't even react. Not to the message or to Olivia standing in the bedroom, glaring at her. But rather, she went back to her dresser and sat in front of it to finish applying her make up and prepare to leave. Olivia was furious at her indifference and strode over to her, dropping her bag fiercely beside her feet. Anya turned around and looked down at the packed bag then up into the mirror to catch Olivia's eyes staring at her in the reflection. She smirked at Olivia as if she was daring her.

"Who the hell was that?" Olivia snapped.

Anya laughed, amused at Olivia's uncharacteristic possessiveness. "She's just a close friend, Olivia."

"A close friend? What do you take me for? You've clearly set up plans to meet with her the second you get to London and it didn't sound platonic to me!"

"So what if it isn't? What's it to you?" Anya asked, defensively, putting down her powder and applying a dark brown eyeliner.

"Oh, I don't know, Anya. I kind of thought that since we had been seeing each other for months that we were…well…." Olivia's voice trailed off. She still couldn't say it. She maintained her distance and stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame.

"Well, what, Olivia?" She chuckled to herself, set down the eyeliner and pulled out the deep, burgundy colored lipstick that Olivia loved. After finishing with the lipstick, Anya turned around to face her, "Besides, I thought this was what you wanted, Olivia."

Olivia was paralyzed. She couldn't answer because she thought the no commitment thing _was _what she wanted, but now that she knew she couldn't solely have Anya to herself, she started to wonder if maybe she did want Anya to be with only her. "What I wanted was an honest relationship." She finally said.

"You can never claim that I wasn't honest with you. You knew what this was all about. I'm not the one who has changed. You are." She read the detective's crushed expression, centering at the crease between her eyebrows. Anya laughed caustically at Olivia. "Oh, Olivia. I had no idea you were such a hopeless romantic." She turned back to the mirror and took out her mascara. "You American girls are so obsessed with love and romance and monogamy. It's just not realistic."

"So what you're telling me is that I should have known somehow that you were going to cheat on me eventually?" Olivia crossed her arms. Anya rolled her eyes and shook her head, choosing not to go there, but Olivia caught her intentions and it infuriated her; her eyes burning into Anya's reflection in the mirror. "So you _have_?" Olivia shifted her weight, crossing her arms again. She was angry, but wasn't entirely sure if she was more angry with Anya or with herself for allowing herself to be taken advantage of in such a situation.

"Are you to stand there and tell me that you've been entirely faithful to me?" She stopped and looked at the detective in the mirror.

"Yes!" Olivia cried, her hands exasperatedly raising to the sky.

"You're not being very honest with yourself then." Anya put her make up away. It irritated Olivia that Anya refused to cease her activity and give Olivia her full attention.

"I haven't slept with or even kissed anyone but you since we met!" Olivia felt foolish saying it, having a sick feeling that Anya would not be able to confess the same loyalty to her.

"Perhaps this is true for now Olivia, but you will. I saw how you looked at that attorney friend of yours on the subway."

"Alex?" Olivia asked bewildered, but wondering if what Anya said was true.

"Yes, Alex." Anya confirmed. She stood up and approached Olivia in the doorway, hovering over her. "But if you don't mind, I would like to forewarn you about her." Olivia cocked her head to one side and glared up at Anya, afraid of what was to come out of her mouth. "She's a politician, Olivia. She will crush your heart for the sake of her career without even a second thought. So if love and commitment is what you want, you will not get it from her either." Anya stepped away from the detective and tucked her make up bag into her suitcase. "But, if you just want to fuck her, then I think you have a much more realistic possibility with that. She's quite a catch. Not my type, unfortunately," she shrugged, "but _very_ much yours." She said with a sly smirk.

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She rubbed her eyebrows with the tips of her fingers, then dragged her hands down her face, tugging at the skin. The woman who she thought was her girlfriend was breaking up with her, and in the same breath was encouraging her to sleep with a co-worker. And not just any co-worker: Alex. "You never answered my question, Anya."

"What question?" She feigned ignorance.

"The one about you sleeping with someone else. Have you?"

"You work _all_ the time, and I've been traveling a lot lately. What do you think?"

Olivia sighed, beaten. "Natalya?" Olivia had to know after the woman's callous behavior on the night they had gone to her father's restaurant.

Anya smirked, "No. What happened between Natalya and I is quite frankly none of your business anymore, but that business has long since passed." Anya put on her coat and bent down to pet her cat before rising again. "And while I have slept with other women, there has been no one else but you in New York." She spoke with no emotion at all: like she was just pointing something out as a matter of scientific fact.

Olivia picked up on the detail that she had said 'women' not just 'another woman', thus indicating that she'd been with at least two others abroad. She started to feel sick and she wasn't sure if she wanted to throw up or wring Anya's neck between her hands. She chose to do neither and swallowed every impulse running ragged through her nervous system until she could be somewhere private. She'd already been taken advantage of enough; she wouldn't allow this revelation to result in a loss of self-control.

Anya approached Olivia and spoke her name quietly, piercing her green eyes into Olivia's soul. "What is so wrong about what we have, Olivia? When you want me, you have me." Olivia didn't answer. She was right. There had never been a time when Anya had not made herself available to her whether the need was sexual or emotional, especially around the time of her mother's death, but she didn't like the idea of being another one of Anya's girlfriends.

She thought back to the night at her father's restaurant and cursed herself for not seeing the writing on the wall that was blatantly obvious to everyone but her. Many beautiful and younger women surrounded Anya's father, and Anya was the perfect mimic of Dimitri's behavior. She relished the attention she received by so many of her probably former girlfriends that still vied for her attention and her father almost seemed to encourage it; that he was proud of his daughter for behaving in such a manner. She was a detective – how did this slip right through her fingers? Was she truly just another one of the infatuated women that encircled Anya? It made her feel weak…and dejected.

Olivia was so lost in thought that she allowed the woman to reach for her face and pull it into a kiss. It pained Olivia to know that Anya had such a control over her. "I have a flight to catch. Good luck with your attorney."


	29. Chapter 29

**Ch. 29**

When Olivia came into the precinct that morning, she carried her duffle bag over to her desk. Without looking up from his morning coffee, Elliot greeted her with his standard and indifferent "Good morning." Instead of answering him as she did every morning, she yanked her chair out from under the desk and violently threw her bag underneath. It hit the side of the desk's legs with a loud thump that shot up Elliot's attention. She turned on her heels and walked to the coffeepot without even so much as looking at him.

The coffee that morning tasted especially pungent and she dumped the entire full carafe into the garbage can before restarting another pot, making it the way she wanted it to be made. She hovered over it like a hawk and didn't let anyone near until it was completely made and blended; and even then, no one came close to the carafe until she had made her own cup to her liking and left to sit at her desk in front of Elliot. He looked up at her apprehensively, but didn't say anything.

After such a dramatic start to a Friday morning, Olivia decided to keep to herself as much as possible. Olivia could not hide her emotions very well and usually wore them on her sleeve. She also didn't have a problem with permeating the room, or infecting everyone else around her with her mood. A bitter scowl was present on her face nearly the entire morning, warning everyone around her to back off. The only person that was able to get a word in edgewise was Elliot and only because he had been her partner for a couple of years now and knew how to tread lightly, although he knew that the escalation that Olivia's mood had reached was definitely at a new level. No one asked and she didn't offer up any information as to why she was so angry, but everyone in the precinct knew to avoid her and give her space.

Later in the afternoon, she and Elliot were on their way to re-question a suspect in their most pressing child abuse case. Elliot really wanted to ask if she was okay. He'd sat on his hands and walked on eggshells for at least 4 hours already and the tension Olivia emanated was killing him. He assumed that it probably had something to do with Anya, but didn't know how to approach the subject without offending his partner. Nevertheless, he wanted her to know that she could talk to him.

"Are you going to be okay with talking with this guy?" He asked, turning the car onto 8th Avenue.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Olivia asked, looking straight ahead.

"Well, it's pretty obvious that you're having a bad day, Liv. I could take you home and I could go on ahead and talk to him myself if you wanted." Elliot offered.

"I'm fine, Elliot." She said it, but the acidic inflection in her voice deceived her and cut through Elliot like he had expected her to do.

"Okay." He stopped at the red light. The car rumbled low and sputtering. He looked over at Olivia, who still had that horrible scowl on her face. He leaned his elbow against the window ledge in the car and took the plunge, ready without armor to be attacked. "Did something happen with Anya?"

"You could say that." Olivia said, biting the inside of her lip. She didn't look at her partner, and instead kept her eyes down towards the floor.

Elliot sat up and rubbed her shoulder lightly before looking back to the road when the light turned green. In the corner of his eye, he saw Olivia nod, accepting his gesture, before looking out the window with sadness and betrayal filling her eyes. He continued to drive uptown, trying not to look at his partner out of respect when she cleared her throat and quietly took the end of her red scarf to her eyes, dabbing them dry.

The suspect was willing to return to the precinct with them to clear up the discrepancies in his story. When the questioning was getting a little more promising, Cragen called in Alex to see if they had enough to charge the suspect with abuse or at the very least an accessory after the fact. Unfortunately, Alex didn't find that the evidence against the suspect was enough to hold him and advised the detectives to cut him loose and get better information so they could get a search warrant, which would hopefully lead to something more solid. When Olivia and Elliot opened the door to let the suspect go, Alex asked to speak with Olivia briefly about other cases on her plate that she wanted to clear up ASAP.

Olivia pulled her aside outside of Cragen's office and answered her questions, relaying to her that she and Elliot had been so focused on this one case in particular that they hadn't had the time to revisit cases that were close to going cold. Alex stressed to Olivia to try one last time with one file involving an elderly woman in particular. She told Olivia that the DA was breathing down her neck about it and thus, the pressure was being passed onto her detectives for further investigation. It was just another pain in Olivia's ass in what was turning out to be a truly stressful day. Olivia sighed and gave Alex her word that she would pursue the leads one last time before turning it cold and Alex sincerely thanked her.

Olivia turned to walk towards the file room in order to retrieve the file Alex had been talking about when Alex abruptly asked if they were still going to have dinner together in a few hours. It was a good thing that she'd brought it up. Olivia had been so self-consumed all day regarding Anya that she'd forgotten all about it.

"Um…I don't know, Alex." Olivia thought aloud, shoving her hands into her pockets, looking to the ground, and scuffing the heel of her shoe into the floor.

Alex wondered if Olivia was withdrawing her offer because she had been insensitive in some way towards the detective and the nearly cold case file. She hoped that she hadn't offended her. "I didn't mean to be so harsh about that case, Liv. I just –"

"No, it's not that." Olivia interrupted her. "I would like to see that case closed too. You know I would." She shifted her weight. "I've just kind of had a rough day, and I'm not really feeling much like myself." It was true. She'd felt a cross of sadness, anger, but most of all, she felt a sense of displacement all day and really wanted to just go home and regroup her life around her work and nothing else. She didn't want to see Anya ever again, but she also didn't want to talk to anyone about it. Least of all to Alex, who she barely knew.

"Oh." Alex said, suddenly realizing Olivia's sullen mood. She felt selfish and guilty that she hadn't noticed until just then, but as soon as Olivia brought it up, it was completely obvious to Alex that the detective was troubled about something outside of work, and it upset her.

"Can I get a rain check?" Olivia asked, not wanting to totally cancel their dinner, just knowing that it couldn't be that night.

"Sure." Alex said. "Is everything's okay?" Alex added with a little concern, leaning in a little cocking her head to the side to try and catch Olivia's eyes, which Olivia evaded.

Olivia nodded. "Thanks."

"Well, you know how to reach me." She turned on her heels and walked out the precinct.


	30. Chapter 30

**Ch. 30**

Around 7:00 that evening Olivia was still at work, dedicatedly going over Alex's requested case file trying to find some detail that she had somehow overlooked months ago. So far, nothing was coming to mind other than the fact that she was starving. Everyone had gone home for the weekend. She wondered if Alex had as well. She closed the folder in front of her, turned off her desk lamp, and grabbed her coat and scarf on her way out the door and headed to the attorney's office.

The blinds had been drawn, as they usually were, but Olivia could see that the lights were still on. She knocked softly on the door and heard Alex's voice invite her in. She opened the door, and stood in the entryway. Alex sat at her desk with stacks of paper, open books, and binders all around her. The black-rimmed glasses she wore were barely able to stay atop the bridge of her nose as she read a passage from a law review. A few strands of her blonde hair fell over her face and she tucked them back behind her ear. Olivia couldn't help but wonder if Anya was right about her fancying Alex. She did look nice in that classic navy suit.

Alex raised her head to see who wanted her attention at that hour. "Oh, it's you Olivia." She said, both surprised and relieved, pushing her glasses back so she could see better.

"Who were you expecting?" Olivia asked, leaning against the doorframe with her coat folded over her arms.

Alex chuckled. "No one. It's 7:30 on a Friday night. No one works that late around here." She waved Olivia into her office and offered her the chair in front of her desk.

"It looks like you do." Olivia said, sitting down and pointing out the organized chaos between them.

"Not really. Just a little research." Alex sat back in her chair. "So, do you need a last minute warrant or something?" She said, interlacing her fingers together and setting her hands down on the desk.

"No." Olivia said, shaking her head. She felt a little embarrassed wanting to find out if Alex had eaten dinner yet, knowing she'd canceled on her earlier. Alex had probably already eaten without her. "I was actually getting pretty hungry and was wondering if you'd had dinner yet."

Alex smiled. "You're feeling better then?" 

"Not really." Olivia sighed, cradling her chin in her hand with her elbow balancing on the arm of the chair. "But I'm hungry. So have you?" She asked again, her stomach starting to churn with the need for substance.

"No." Alex said, leaning forward on her desk. "_Someone_ rain checked me earlier today. Can you believe that?" Alex smirked.

Olivia smiled for the first time that day. "Well, I'd like to undo that cancellation from earlier and take you to dinner if you're up to it." She cocked her head to the side and gave Alex a smile before shying and looking down to her desk. She kept her head down, but slowly raised her dark eyes suggestively to see if Alex would say yes. _Did I just flirt with her?_

Alex smiled and rose from her desk to put a few documents and small binders in her beige briefcase. "Where will we be going?" She put her coat on and slung the strap of her briefcase over her shoulder.

Olivia got up and put her coat on as well. "I'm not picky." She shrugged. "But I have a feeling that you are." Alex's mouth dropped open and she turned to the detective before exiting her office, aghast at her accusation. Olivia walked past her and exited the office to allow Alex to lock it up. "What? Am I wrong?" She asked, without even a hint of apology.

Alex arrogantly sneered to herself, "No, I guess not."

They walked to the elevator together and Olivia turned to Alex when the doors closed. "So…" she said, waiting for Alex to decide. Alex didn't have an answer other than offering her a knowing smirk. "Alex, it's freezing outside and I'm starving. I'm not wandering around in the cold searching for food like a mouse. You have to choose a restaurant _before_ we leave the building."

"I have. I didn't know I had to enlighten you about it." Alex said with a brief flash of her blue eyes to the detective.

_Wow, those eyes can pack a punch,_ Olivia thought, quickly looking away so she wouldn't blush. "Ah." Olivia said, nodding sarcastically. "I see how it is. I take _you_ out to dinner, but I don't even get the pleasure of knowing where we're going?"

Alex smiled, "Guess not." The elevator doors opened and Olivia waited for Alex to exit before stepping out. She walked next to her in order to slow her walk while she opened the front door, allowing her to exit out into the cold, winter air before her.

It became evident that Alex didn't have much of a sense of direction after it took them much longer to walk to Alex's chosen restaurant than originally anticipated. She'd said it was only about two blocks away, but it ended up being around seven and not without taking a couple wrong avenues because Alex got turned around in her head on where they were going. She chocked it up to the fact that she hadn't been there in a while. When they finally found the restaurant, Alex apologized profusely, but promised it would be worth the trouble. Olivia could only hope, but at least it was warm inside. It was a small Italian place with decadent homemade desserts in their storefront window, easily enticing customers to come in.

Olivia badgered her about the blistering wind relentlessly as Alex perused over the wine list. They agreed on a bottle of Pinot Grigio to share as well as some bruchetta to start on since they were both starving. They started talking about their cases, Olivia beginning with the bad news that she had not uncovered anything yet on the elderly woman's case, but that she would continue to try. Then, they discussed other cases, not really knowing what else they had in common with one another.

Olivia felt she needed to make amends with Alex and decided to try flattery. Instead of focusing on her political motivations and their completely different approaches to criminal procedure, she spoiled Alex with comments about how she was in court recently, how she was amazed that she got one defendant to plead out a case Elliot was convinced would never plead out, etc. From where Olivia was sitting, her strategy appeared to work with Alex, but Alex didn't completely indulge herself in her own accomplishments. Rather, she made attempts to compliment Olivia on her work as well. They were both trying very hard on being nice to each other, putting their past disagreements aside. They knew they would have to get along in order to accomplish their jobs to the best of their abilities and simply talking about their accomplishments was one method to help one to understand the other.

When the waiter came and took their orders, Olivia ordered lobster ravioli and Alex selected the chicken primavera. When the waiter left, they sat nervously in front of one another, taking in their surroundings, but not knowing what was deemed safe conversation other than talking about work. They knew that they were each pretty protective of their personal businesses and didn't want to intrude upon one another, but they also didn't want to sit in silence all night or discuss the oftentimes-inappropriate details of their cases over such a nice dinner.

Olivia was feeling a little better being out and a little further away from her thoughts about Anya and their now defunct trysts. The rug had truly been pulled out from under her. There were multitudes of questions running through Olivia's mind as she sat with Alex, as she tried to focus on their conversation. It was difficult for Olivia to keep her mind in one place when at the same time, she was trying to solve the mystery of who she was versus who she thought she was. She didn't know if being with Anya meant that she was gay or if that was just some temporary, enjoyable fluke. Meanwhile, she wondering why Anya had done what she did and why Olivia was so upset about it.

Olivia was getting lost in her mind, so she turned her attention to her dinner when it arrived. The ravioli was positively divine and everything around her melted away with the colorful flavors taking over her mouth. Olivia couldn't help but let out a little moan as she took another bite of her ravioli, thoroughly enjoying her choice, "Oh my god, Alex. This is _so_ good."

Alex smiled, looking up at Olivia. She was glad to see that she was feeling better. At the very least, her taste buds and stomach were satisfied. "I'm glad you like it."

"It's incredible. You have to try it." Olivia said, cutting one of the raviolis in half, swirling it into the white wine-based sauce, and securing it on her fork to put on Alex's plate.

"It's all right," Alex said, "I've had it before." Olivia had already dropped the food onto the edge of her plate. Alex smiled, scooped it up, and ate it. "It is good though."

Olivia tried to think of a detour out of their work-related conversations and wasn't able to come up with much other than to ask about the man she'd seen her with on the subway. As much as she didn't want to remind Alex about her supposed promiscuity, it was all she could think about. It was, quite literally, the only thing she knew about Alex outside of work. "So was that guy on the subway your boyfriend?" Olivia asked. She took a sip of her wine after swallowing another delicious piece of ravioli.

Alex smiled, cutting into her dinner with a knife and fork. She was more than a little surprised that Olivia had brought that night up, considering how defensive she'd been about it before. "No." She smiled. "Just a date." She took a bite of chicken and continued. "Things were going pretty well too until we ran into you and Anya." She laughed.

_Ugh. I knew I shouldn't have brought up the subject. _She knew Anya's name was bound to be brought up at some point in the night, but she really didn't like hearing the name on Alex's lips for some reason. "What do you mean?" Olivia asked, furrowing her eyebrows and taking another bite of ravioli.

"Let's just say his attention was no longer focused on me." Alex said, sipping her wine with a smirk.

Olivia laughed to herself, slightly embarrassed, but also a little sad. She had made the decision to not go out with Anya again when she returned to New York from London, but this also meant she could never touch or kiss her again. As much as she didn't respect Anya's lifestyle, she knew she was going to miss being with her. She already did.

"Not that I blame him." Alex went on, speaking more to herself, but Olivia definitely heard the comment.

Olivia looked up at Alex and raised an eyebrow to the attorney, curious about what she meant by that remark. She cleared her throat, choosing not to go down that alley. _She's a co-worker, Olivia. Let it go._

"So how are you and Anya doing?" Alex asked.

"We're not." Olivia said it almost emotionless, but chewed her food slower and put her fork down to reach for her wineglass. "We broke up this morning."

Alex's eyes softened sensitively, now comprehending the reason for Olivia's sour mood all day. "I'm sorry to hear that." _Although of course I'm not really. She seemed like a conceited bitch to me. However, Olivia is obviously troubled about it, and I can sympathize with that._

"I was really upset about it this morning, but I'm feeling a little better now." Olivia lied. She felt like she'd been beaten with a racket. She didn't want to bring Alex down though, so she kept up with the lying. "Maybe it's just the good food and wine, but uh…" She almost added Alex to the list, but changed her mind, not wanting her to take it the wrong way. "I'm trying to move on."

"I understand why you wanted to rain check our dinner." Alex said. "It would have been okay, you know."

_Or I could be a little more truthful with her. Alex does look sympathetic_. "I know. I am more angry about the way we 'broke up' more than anything." Olivia said using her fingers to outline the words "broke up" in quotes.

Alex took a long sip of her wine and placed the glass back on the table, pushing it forward for Olivia to refill the glass for her, which she did. "Why? What happened?"

"This does not leave the table." Olivia said seriously. Alex pursed her lips and gave Olivia a look as if to say that she knew that already. Olivia sighed. "To be completely honest, we weren't really girlfriends. We had a relationship of…well…_convenience_." Alex put the pieces together and nodded. "I knew from the start that the relationship was casual, but I guess I never read the fine print because I had no idea that she was sleeping her way across the European continent whenever she traveled over there for work. I didn't find that out until some tramp in London called this morning with a new address where they could hook up…um, well, it was just bad timing."

"Oh, Liv." Alex empathized, putting her wine glass down to give Olivia her full attention.

"And I might not have cared if Anya had just told me about these other women months ago when she started her tours, but she didn't and so I had to find out 7 months into our relationship _and_ I only found out accidentally." Olivia paused again, taking another sip of her wine. "I'm just so pissed at myself for not realizing it sooner!. I feel like an idiot."

"You're _not_ an idiot, Olivia." Alex said coming to her defense. "How could you have known if she never said anything?" Alex tried reassurance.

"Oh, there were warning signs. Trust me. I met her father once and it was like seeing a mirror image of Anya…or vice versa, as the case may be."

"What do you mean?" Alex interrupted.

Olivia sighed, "You wouldn't even believe it. Or maybe you would, I don't know. He had dozens of young, beautiful women hanging all over him all night and apparently, so does Anya. Except that she prefers to keep hers spread out all over the world rather than all at the same dinner table."

Alex took another bite of her food. It was a lot of information to process. It didn't offend her, but she certainly was offended for Olivia. She wasn't sure why Olivia had dared to tell her so much, but it made her feel for her even more that she had entrusted her with such personal information. She was sympathetic, but she also didn't like Anya to begin with so she wasn't _that_ sympathetic. "Well, I'm sorry, Olivia. She obviously doesn't know a good thing when she sees it." Olivia looked up at Alex and cocked her head to the side, touched by Alex's perceived honesty about her. Alex paused for a second, taking another sip of wine. "And good riddance." She added bluntly. "You deserve far better than some European bitch." _So much for being discreet._

Olivia's eyes widened and she couldn't help but laugh aloud at Alex's reaction. It was almost exactly what she expected her to say. "Damn, Cabot." She reacted.

"I'm sorry –" Alex started to take back her harsh judgment of Anya.

"No." Olivia interrupted her, reaching her hand across the table to Alex's, covering it. "Thank you." She sat back and raised her wine glass to her. "I knew I could count on you to smack me back into reality with some brutal honesty. Elliot never would have dared to pull a stunt like that, even if he was thinking it."

Alex raised her glass as well and smiled. It wasn't everyday that she was complimented for saying such things. They clinked their glasses together and each took a sip of their wine.


	31. Chapter 31

**Ch. 31**

Alex consciously removed herself emotionally from her work and from most people. For work, it was just a necessary evil in order to effectively do her job. Reading the reports, viewing the evidence, or describing in detail the occurrences in a motion or in addressing the court didn't make the crimes less horrific for her than viewing things first hand as the detectives did. She saw the same things that they saw; just not usually in the flesh so it offended her that the detectives viewed her as being cold and indifferent to their cases because she felt quite the opposite about them. The fact of the matter was that she had to protect herself from her own job and her methodology in succeeding in this vein was to keep her emotional difference and her gut reactions at bay. It was what worked for her in homicide and so far it was working with special victims.

She had decided to take on SVU cases for a purely political reason; although, understanding at the same time that the cases were some of the most difficult to stomach as well as getting convictions. Even though Cragen, Stabler, and others accused her of trying to boost her win/lose ratio when she first started, the truth of the matter was that rape cases often went without conviction. It was something she was well aware of, but it was because of this reason that she pursued the challenge. If she could bring the conviction rate up, she would find herself a seat as the District Attorney and eventually be able to move to a higher level of a government office. Ultimately, she wanted to be a Senator of New York. She believed with her soul that a position of such caliber was her destiny and she would stop at nothing until she had achieved everything she'd ever wanted.

The Cabot family was comprised of judges, professors, and doctors so the pressure had been placed upon Alex from a very young age to do something with her life. Instead of rebelling against her family's wishes, she accepted it. She wanted a lucrative career just as much as her family wanted it for her. Discussions about college started at the age of 11; solid career goals were established by 15. She had been dedicated from birth to pursuing a career with societal significance and that left little room for personal relationships. She had a few friends left over from law school, one or two from undergrad, and enough networking acquaintances to fill the Bowery Ballroom, but she generally didn't make time for anything other than a happy hour or two. Much of her free time, when she had it, was spent with her family in upstate New York.

Alex never realized that she had been missing out on something other than work and casual relations until she had witnessed Olivia and Anya's passion for one another on the subway. She never made time for serious romantic involvement with men. She dated some, but because she was so dedicated to her job, they usually gave up on pursuing her beyond a few months of dating. She wondered if men would always be playing second fiddle to her career for the rest of her life.

She thought again about Olivia and Anya's relationship, and wondered how two people could see each other for seven months and then just cut it off mutually as if they had meant nothing to one another. Something about that didn't seem right to her calculated mind. She recalled seeing the kiss the two had shared on the subway. There was no mistaking it; something else was going on that Olivia was not comfortable with addressing. It couldn't have been just sex. She was curious about their relationship even though it was none of her business.

She also wanted to get to know Olivia more, but was unsure of how to make it happen. She had those tickets that the DA had given her as a thank you, but she didn't want to insult her by asking her attend with her, knowing Olivia probably wanted to be alone as she'd just gotten out of a relationship and likely didn't want to talk about it. Then again, they had already gone out to a harmless dinner so maybe Olivia would be up to spending more time with Alex since their time together that night was mutually enjoyable.

The dinner had served as an appropriate icebreaker in their working relationship, just as Alex had hoped it would. The two were much more amicable with one another when they met in court, in her office, or at the precinct. They still maintained enough distance as to not step on the other's toes, but at least they were able to meet and discuss their cases without as many arguments or disagreements as they had before their dinner together. Sometimes Olivia got railroaded in arguments between Alex and Elliot, but she felt that if they got to know each other better, then eventually she could get along with Elliot as well.

A gentle rub on her shoulder disrupted Alex's thoughts as she had been waiting on a courthouse bench outside of the courtroom. She looked up to see Detectives Benson and Stabler standing above her, but wasn't sure who had touched her. She noticed that Elliot was dressed nicely, as he was to appear in court only moments from now, and she was pleased to see that he had arrived on time.

"Good afternoon, detectives." Alex said respectfully and refocusing her mind back to work. "They're not quite ready for us to go in. Always a delay, you know." She shrugged.

Olivia sat down beside Alex, realizing that their wait could be longer than thirty minutes until their case came up on the docket. Elliot stayed standing, waiting a little more impatiently. Alex reached into her briefcase and pulled out a file to pass the time. She paged through a legal pad, going over her notes when her eyes stopped on the two tickets the DA had given to her that were clipped to the yellow-lined paper. She thought for a moment, and then turned to Olivia, realizing that there wasn't any harm in just asking.

"Uh, Olivia?" Alex asked, a little hesitant. Olivia looked back to her and raised her eyebrows quizzically. "The DA gave me a couple of tickets to ABT next Saturday because he wasn't able to go." Olivia took a deep breath and held it. "I heard that you like the ballet, so would you be interested in going with me?"

"You're kidding, right?" Olivia snapped, unable to hold back her bitter and hurt reaction, as the memories of being with Anya flooded her mind all over again. She thought about the night that she had gone to the ballet the first time and the passionate night that followed, and it reminded her of how lonely she was with Anya now out of her life.

Alex was shocked at her reaction, and her eyes widened. "No…why would I be kidding?" 

Olivia shook her head and rose from the bench, walking heavily across the marble floors until she disappeared into the ladies room down the hall.

_What did I say that upset her so quickly? Maybe today was another bad day, but she didn't seem upset two seconds ago_. Alex turned to look at Elliot. She shrugged her shoulders and raised her hands a bit. "What did I say?" She asked him.

He cocked his head to the side and folded his arms over his chest; unable to fathom that she didn't know what had upset Olivia. "The ballet? Not your best idea, Cabot."

"Why? I heard she'd gone before and enjoyed it. Did I hear wrong?" Alex was getting frazzled, but really needed to calm down. She had to present Elliot to court moments from now and yet Olivia was visibly hurt about what Alex had said. She had to know why.

Elliot looked towards the bathroom. He wanted to check on his partner, but knew he couldn't go into the ladies room. He turned back to Alex. Obviously, she didn't know that much about Anya so he decided to enlighten her. "No, you heard correct. But you might not have gotten the whole story."

"Then what? She is obviously upset at something I said. If you know, then please tell me, Elliot." She insisted.

Elliot straightened his tie. "Anya is a dancer with ABT, Alex."

Alex's eyes closed and her shoulder sank, feeling completely defeated. She sighed heavily before opening her eyes again. "No one told _me_ that." She ran her fingers through her short hair. "God, I didn't mean to upset her, but I honestly didn't know."

"Well, why don't you just go and tell her?" He offered, feeling that Alex was being sincere. "We've got some time before we go into court anyway. I'm sure that if she knows that you didn't mean anything by it, then she'll be okay."

She nodded and unclipped the two tickets from her file and handed them to Elliot. "Here, I don't want them." She got up from the bench.

"I appreciate it, Alex, but I don't want them either."

"Give them to Kathy or your daughter. Hell, give them to Munch or Fin. I don't care." Alex walked to the bathroom and took a deep breath for bravery before pushing the door open. She wasn't sure how Olivia would react, but she had a feeling it wouldn't be pretty. Olivia was already upset enough, and Alex hoped that if she just explained that she didn't know about Anya being a dancer, that Olivia would forgive her faux pas.

Olivia stood at the mirror and her eyes were glossy, but she dabbed at each tear forming in her eyes with a paper towel, stifling them back. She glanced up to see Alex standing behind her, her hands coming up to carefully speak with her friend.

"Olivia, I'm so sorry." Alex pleaded. She didn't want Olivia to interject, so she spoke again quickly. "I didn't know about Anya being a dancer." She took a step forward, seeing Olivia flinch at the mere mentioning of Anya's name. _Damn, what did that woman do to her?_ "I'm truly sorry, Liv." She clasped her hands together, wringing them nervously before putting them down at her sides to regain her composure.

Olivia sniffled. "You didn't know," she acknowledged, brushing her knuckle against the tip of her nose. She knew that Alex hadn't meant any harm, but she had managed to pierce an old wound and it was a wound that Olivia could not seem to heal quickly enough. "I'm sorry for snapping at you." She threw the paper towel away and looked back at the mirror to ensure that the tears had dried from her eyes.

"You had every right to. I feel awful, Liv." Alex looked away, still being careful with her words.

"It's okay. You didn't know. But don't tell Elliot about this. He worries enough about me. He doesn't need –"

"I won't tell him." Alex interrupted. Olivia walked towards the door to exit, finished with the conversation, but Alex wasn't. "Will you let me make it up to you? I feel like an asshole."

"It was a misunderstanding. You don't owe me anything." Olivia protested.

"Please?" Alex asked. Olivia smiled, knowing it was not common for Alex to be begging for forgiveness. Alex thought quickly, trying to think of something similar to take Olivia to, but unsure of what kind of cultural things she enjoyed. "Do you have objections to the symphony?"

She smiled. "No. My mother and I used to go…when she could." Olivia said, rolling her eyes to herself with a sad smile. "I miss it actually." Olivia stepped up to Alex and reached behind her for the door handle. She turned back around to look at Alex directly. "But really. No hard feelings, Alex." She said, opening the door.

"I still want to make it up to you, Liv." Alex insisted.

Olivia sighed, walking out. "Come on." She led Alex out of the ladies room and back to the bench where they awaited their hearing.


	32. Chapter 32

**Ch. 32**

**Spoiler: Season 2, Countdown (this scene leads up to some material being used from the show.)**

Olivia did not want to associate her night at the symphony with Alex in anyway with her night at the ballet with Anya, so she took the time to do a little extra preparing for the evening. She found herself shopping at Bloomingdale's, looking a new dress before she and Alex were to go to the symphony this coming weekend. She couldn't even remember the last time that she had bought a dress. She looked around, and all the cocktail dresses seemed too fancy and out of her price range. She thought better than to buy another expensive dress that she'd rarely wear and decided upon a nice suit-like ensemble instead. The pants she found were black with tiny silver pinstripes and the shirt she found was a deep navy color and had lacy etching and a nice v-neckline. She felt confident in it and a little sexy; which was something she needed a high dosage of with the events of late.

She rarely shopped for herself, but doing so relaxed and distracted Olivia's mind off of work for the time being. Being away from the precinct and from Elliot, she took the time to rummage though the caverns of her thoughts to come up with some kind of solution as to what was going on with her. She felt cheated with Anya. Despite Anya's disloyalty, she had lost an addictive lover and desperately wanted that contact back, but she also knew that she didn't want it from Anya. Additionally, she didn't know who she wanted to be with, if anyone at all. She wasn't sure if she wanted a relationship per say, but she badly wanted those tender moments in the bedroom. Anya had been the only woman Olivia had dared to even think about sexually let alone sleep with and living without their lavish romps was becoming increasingly difficult for Olivia to bear. She had been spoiled rotten, knew it, and hated being cut out of it. She didn't know if she wanted to try and date other women or if she want to return to men, which was easier and acceptable for her. Except that no man had ever made her feel the way that Anya had.

She walked over to the jewelry counter, wondering if it would make her feel better to buy something else. She spotted a unique necklace with multiple strings of white gold wrapping around itself, with each strand dangling down in hoops and lines asymmetrically and at varying lengths, some having dark, sapphire gems dangling from the end of a strand, others not. A man at the counter approached her, seeing that the simple, but expensive piece, had stolen all of her attention.

"That necklace would look beautiful on you." He said, pulling it out from under the counter.

Olivia looked up at the tall suited man, his hands holding out the necklace on a velvet platform for her to look at closer. "I'm sure you say that to everyone." She scoffed, unamused, but nonetheless looking at the necklace closer and touching its intricate details.

"Not true. It's a very unique piece and one that not every woman could wear." He said. "Here. Try it on." He reached his hands around Olivia's neck and secured the clasp for her, letting the necklace fall naturally over her collarbones. He angled a mirror on the counter for her to look at herself.

_It does look beautiful_, Olivia thought, _but the price tag is going to be hard to ignore_.

"Just as I thought." He continued, his soft eyes catching her own. "Beautiful."

Olivia looked away and undid the clasp to return the necklace to the associate. It was too soon to be flirting with anyone, she thought, but he was making it so easy. "I'll think about it." She said.

"But I haven't even asked you yet." He replied with a smile. Olivia scrunched her eyebrows, afraid of where the conversation was headed. "I'm Michael." He leaned over the counter to look into Olivia's eyes, trying to attract her attention off of the sparkling necklace and onto himself.

"Olivia." She said, noticing the light reflecting off of his cufflinks. She wondered if this was what she wanted to do or not.

"Would you have dinner with me sometime, Olivia?" He asked.

She didn't know the answer to such a simple question. She didn't know who she was anymore. Was she still attracted to men? This associate was nice and somewhat attractive, but he didn't appeal to her in the way that Anya had. It had been about two months since she and Anya had broken up, but she feared that it was still too soon out of her relationship to date. She was still consumed with her thoughts about Anya and worried that she'd be pinning everyone up against Anya's standards. She thought again about the idea of holding everyone against Anya and felt it gave Anya far too much credit and didn't like the idea of doing that. She nodded a yes to the man, thinking that perhaps she could go out with him just to see what happened. Maybe she wasn't gay. Maybe Anya was just a fluke.

He reached into his wallet and gave her his business card. She smiled and put it into her jacket pocket. "Are you sure you don't want the necklace? You could break hearts in it." He asked again.

She looked down at the bright sapphires and shimmering gold again. She couldn't help but want it; it was so distinctly different and it had been such a long time since she'd done something nice for herself. She chose to ignore the price tag and went ahead and bought it.


	33. Chapter 33

**Ch. 33**

**Spoiler: Season 2, Countdown (some material and dialogue being used from the show.)**

Within the next day or so, the precinct was investigating a child abduction/rape case. When the child managed to escape, the mother was being difficult in allowing Detectives Stabler and Benson to interview the young victim. Without her recount of the events that took place while she was abducted, things were going to hit a stand still in their investigation. Olivia was given a short window of time to speak alone with the young girl and received messages through an earphone from Elliot in order to assist with the interview. When the mother started to come undone about her daughter's traumatizing experience, Alex snatched the microphone from Elliot and called into Olivia's ear to expedite the process. However, despite Olivia's attempts, she was able to get any crucial information before the mother yanked the interview to a screeching halt.

Elliot got a call from Fin asking him to come back to the precinct in order to give Cragen an update. Olivia said she wanted to stay behind with Alex just for a moment to see if they could reason with the mother as women. They both tried, coming at her from different angles and strategies, but the mother insisted that her daughter go home and rest, that she had been traumatized enough, and to leave her and her child alone. They had failed and Alex and Olivia had no choice but to let the woman leave with the little girl.

Before heading out to catch up with Elliot, Olivia heard her phone ring from the inside of her coat pocket that was slung over the back of a chair in the interview room. She joked to Alex that it was probably Elliot telling her to hurry up and get back to the precinct. She reached into her pocket and answered the phone.

"Elliot, we're on our way." Olivia said, impatiently.

"This isn't Elliot, Olivia."

Olivia's facial expression dropped to a disbelieving frown and she brought her other hand up to her brow, and rubbed her forehead.

Alex noticed Olivia's change in demeanor and wondered if she'd just received bad news about their case from Elliot. "What is it, Liv?" Alex asked, taking a cautious step forward.

Olivia sighed and raised her index finger to Alex, asking her to wait. "What do you want, Anya?"

Alex didn't know what to do when she heard Olivia address the woman over the phone with such bitterness. She knew Olivia would want privacy, but she wondered if Olivia would actually take the call or just hang up on her, considering what had transpired between them.

"Is that anyway to greet me, Olivia?" Anya said into the phone.

"I think it's a perfectly appropriate response to you after how you've treated me." Olivia said. She glanced over to Alex, who looked concerned.

When Olivia continued to speak to Anya, Alex started to walk out of the interview room to give her some privacy. Olivia told Anya to hold on as she put her hand over the receiver and spoke to Alex, who turned around when she was addressed. "I'm sorry, Alex. We'll go in a minute. I have to take care of this and I'd rather just get it over with." Olivia was embarrassed that she needed to handle the situation with Anya now, but she knew that it needed to be dealt with and it might be easier for her to do so over the phone.

"It's fine, Liv." Alex said opening the door to exit. "I'll be out in the hall." Olivia thanked Alex and turned from the door. Alex meant to close the door all the way, but the latch didn't catch, so it popped back open, slightly.

"You're with Alex, aren't you?" Anya asked. "Yes, I'm with Alex, but we're at work. Why the hell do you care that I'm with her?" Olivia snapped. 

Alex intended to give Olivia her privacy until she heard her name come out of Olivia's mouth. She knew there was more to Anya's story than Olivia was letting on and she now had somewhat of a confirmation that it involved her in some way. _Why would Anya care that Olivia was with me? She knows we work together._ She took two steps back towards the cracked interview room door and quietly listened even though she knew she shouldn't, but she just couldn't resist the temptation.

"I don't." Anya said.

"Why are you calling me? I thought this was over." Olivia said, upset that Anya was drudging up their relationship after Olivia had come so close to burying it.

"I never ended it, Olivia. I thought I would just give you some time to think everything over while I was away. I was hoping that you would reconsider your feelings about us."

"I've reconsidered our relationship countless times, but my thoughts remain the same. I don't want to see you again and I don't want you to call me." Olivia said frankly, but felt the tears well up in her eyes.

"If that's how you truly feel…" Anya said.

"It's not how I feel, Anya, and I hate that it's not, but it's what needs to happen for me. We can't see each other anymore. I can't be with someone that doesn't want to be with me exclusively. I have to move on." Olivia sniffed back her tears and hoped Anya didn't hear her.

Anya didn't, but Alex did. She never thought of Olivia to be the type to be so affected by a relationship before, especially one that was supposedly a relationship of "convenience." Obviously, what she had shared with Anya meant more than just sex to Olivia, even if she wouldn't admit to it. It seemed impossible to believe that Anya had bewitched her so successfully, but she was relieved to hear that Olivia didn't want to see her anymore. Alex didn't like the idea of Olivia seeing someone that didn't have a conscience when it came to considering other people's feelings and their loyalty. For whatever reason, she felt protective of her new friend.

"I'll let you go then." Anya said. "It was a pleasure to have known you. You're a beautiful woman and I wish I could give myself to you entirely, but I just can't promise you that and I think you deserve that kind of honesty, Olivia. I'm sorry that I cannot be who you want me to be, but know that my door is always open to you."

Now she was killing her with kindness. Olivia couldn't take it. She bid Anya goodbye quickly and closed her phone, setting it on the table in front of her. Her head fell into her hands and she wept quietly. When Alex heard the soft sobs coming from the inside of the room, it startled her. And it broke her heart, but she didn't know what to do. She was not supposed to be listening in the first place, nor was she the comforting type. She knew that Olivia would not want Alex to see her crying so she stepped away from the door and walked back to the end of the hallway to wait for Olivia to come out when she was ready.

Minutes passed like hours until Olivia came out of the room, thoroughly taken aback by the conversation and thick emotions running through her veins. She looked up and saw Alex's concerned face looking back at her, and did her best to harden her heart in order to get back to work.

"Is everything okay?" Alex asked sincerely. Even though she knew the answer, she had to at least act as if she didn't know what happened.

"It will be." Olivia answered, swallowing her emotions. "I need to get back. Elliot's waiting."

Alex nodded. She reached into her briefcase and pulled out one of her business cards and a pen. She clicked the end of the pen and wrote down her home number on the back and gave it to Olivia. "In case you ever need anyone to talk to. You can call me."

After re-canvassing the crime scene with Elliot, Olivia looked at her watch and wondering if there was still enough time to meet with Michael. She needed a distraction from Anya and she needed it now. "It's 8:00 and we're fresh out of leads. Why don't we just call it a day?" She asked.

Elliot shrugged, "I've still got enough time to make it to the toy store. Kathy will faint when she finds out I got the twins' birthday present two days early."

Olivia grabbed her coat and put it on. Behind her, Munch put on his hat and they walked in line towards the elevator to leave. Olivia pulled her phone out from her pocket and dialed Michael's number.

"Hey, it's me. Are we still on for dinner?" She waited for his answer on the other end of the phone and smiled when she heard where they were going; it was a familiar restaurant. He asked her if she knew where it was. "I think so." He told her that he couldn't wait to see her. "Okay. See you then." She closed her phone.

"How's Mr. Perfect?" Munch asked from behind Olivia.

"Ah, he's good." She replied, knowing that Munch didn't have a clue as to whom she was speaking to. "Of course, I've only met him once and the only time I talk to him is when I'm calling to cancel, but other than that – great."

Upon entering the elevator, Fin turned to Munch, "You got any plans tonight, Munch?" 

"No, but the night is young and full of endless possibility." He remarked.

The elevator doors started to close behind the four detectives when Cragen's hands met the doors in the middle, pulling them back open. "Everybody stays." He said with a stomp of his foot on the ground.

"Why?" Elliot asked, disappointed.

"Man in a white van grabbed another girl." Cragen answered.

24 hours later, Olivia's desk phone rang. She answered it and immediately recognized the voice to be Michael's. She sighed to herself, and apologized again for standing him up the night before and for not being able to make any future plans with him due to the urgency of the case they were working on. He wanted to know when he could see her and Olivia didn't have an answer for him. They were complete strangers and yet all she could think about was how needy he was already. She had to end the call and she hoped he wouldn't call again. She briefly thought back on how Anya hardly ever called her when she was working. She seemed to just know what the job required of her, and she certainly never begged to see Olivia. She missed the respectful space that Anya had given her.

By the third day, the detectives were more enemies than friends; none having had more than 20 minutes of sleep at a time and all of them had a ticking clock in their minds, knowing that a little girl could be murdered today. Everyone snapped at everyone else for trivial things and Olivia was no exception. She had no suspect, no leads, and no cooperation from the officers in Queens that knew certain details of previous attacks related to their case. She needed to relax and just do her job, but she was frustrated as hell, and still wearing the same clothes she's started in 3 days ago. She'd canceled on Michael 3 days in a row and just wanted him to stop calling her. On the other hand, she guiltily wanted to see Anya so she could get what she needed from her in order to relax. She couldn't stand not having her at her disposal anymore, but refused to give in to her.

By the end of day three, the detectives had successfully arrested their suspect and he was now in Alex's hands. Olivia knew Alex had gotten plenty of sleep over the past few days and would still want to go to the symphony as they had planned to do the following night, but Olivia knew that wasn't going to happen if she didn't get some rest. The second after they made the arrest and sent him to central booking, Olivia went home. She stripped herself of her filthy clothes, and slept for the rest of the day and all through the night.


	34. Chapter 34

**Ch. 34**

Little did she know, but the symphony was the perfect resolution to her problems. Olivia was able to settle into the velvet seat next to Alex and daydream her frustrations and anxieties away as the soothing music washed over her. The orchestra calmed her nerves to the point of reaching a near hypnotic state of mind for 2 hours. Despite how much she had rested the day before, Olivia almost fell asleep a couple of times, but was nudged with a lighthearted chuckle from Alex whenever her eyes got too heavy.

As they left Lincoln Center, Olivia looked over to Alex. Under her long black coat, Alex wore a stunning scarlet dress that caught the attention of nearly everyone around them, including Olivia's. She smiled to herself, picturing a fantasy of her being out with Alex on a real date and how proud she'd be to have Alex on her arm. "This was _exactly_ what I needed after this week, Alex. Thank you."

"You're welcome. I'd invite you back to my apartment for some wine or coffee, but you've had such a long and stressful week that I'll understand if you want to go home and rest."

Olivia smiled. Alex was being so real with her, and she was having such a nice time that she couldn't come up with a good reason why she shouldn't go back to Alex's apartment. Olivia accepted the invitation and walked with the woman towards Columbus Avenue. She thought about how so many months ago she had been at Lincoln Center with Anya, leaving the theatre, but walking in the opposite direction towards Amsterdam. Olivia opened the door to the taxi for Alex and allowed her to enter the cab first, then closed the door after settling in next to her.

Alex instructed the taxi driver to take them to 68th and Lexington. Olivia had no idea where she lived until then. She wondered how an attorney working for the city could afford an apartment in such a nice location. That question burned even deeper in Olivia's mind when they actually made it to Alex's apartment. It was stunning. She was located on one of the top floors and her living room had floor to ceiling windows with an amazing view of the illuminated skyscapers around her. She had beautiful dark, hardwood floors and a fireplace, which was something exceptionally rare in the city. She either had a misunderstanding about what the district attorney's office paid their employees or Alex came from old, family money. It wasn't any of her business to ask though, so she didn't.

Olivia took Alex's coat and hung it up in a nearby closet. Alex then asked Olivia what kind of wine she preferred or if she wanted coffee. _Options. Of course._ Olivia thought. It was late, so coffee would have been more practical just so she could stay awake, but judging by how classy her apartment was, she figured that Alex probably had some really nice wines. "Wine would be nice. But I do prefer something dry." Olivia answered, following Alex to her kitchen.

"Good. So do I." Alex answered, crouching down to the small wine chiller she had in the pantry of her kitchen. She selected a dry Sauvignon Blanc and asked Olivia to open it for her while she got two glasses down from a cabinet.

After pouring the wine, Alex led Olivia back to her living room. Relaxing onto Alex's fine cream-colored couch, Olivia was comforted by being with the counselor, which surprised her a little. She had never gone out with any of the other prosecutors that she worked with over the years, but Alex was quite different from Abbie Carmichael and the others. Outside of her comfortable circle of cops and detectives, Alex was the first work-related friend that Olivia had been out with socially. She had assumed for such a long time that the two of them had nothing in common with one another, but things were turning out to be quite the opposite. Just knowing that there weren't any expectations bearing down on her from Alex, and that they weren't there to discuss work or anything serious was a nice escape and a complimenting continuation of their night at the New York Philharmonic.

She half expected Alex to put on something more comfortable than the red dress she wore, but she was happy that she'd left it on; she looked dazzling in it. The way the sparkling aquamarine necklace settled at the center of her throat caught Olivia's eye as well. She heard what Alex was talking about (something about living upstate versus living in the city) but couldn't help but fall into a slight reverie while gazing into Alex's strikingly beautiful blue eyes. She noticed how perfect the seams of the dress hugged her small curves, and she readily admitted to herself that she was a little more than drawn to her. Without a doubt, Alex was one of the most beautiful women Olivia had ever seen.

She tried not to dwell on it too long, knowing that Alex was a co-worker and any relationship outside of a professional one would be a hazard to both of their jobs. She also firmly believed that Alex was probably not the type into dating women. And to complicate things further, she was still in a personal whirlwind of emotions at present. Still, she found herself lost in those eyes. She didn't want to do anything regretful, so she drank her wine slowly. Thinking about these things forced Olivia to acknowledge, however, the fact that she actually wanted to try and date other women other than Anya. She had almost convinced herself that Anya was an exception, but in looking at Alex, Olivia couldn't deny her attraction to the attorney. She now had to reconsider the original assessment that she had made of her own sexuality.

Olivia was forced out of her daydream when Alex reached towards her with one of her graceful hands and lightly touched at Olivia's necklace. She wore the one she had bought last week at Bloomingdale's and was suddenly very happy that she'd gone through with the purchase. She didn't recall when Alex scooted herself closer to Olivia, but she felt herself melt at the touch of her fingertips as they tangled their way between the silver colored gold strands, admiring the handiwork of the necklace.

"This is very nice." Alex said, complimenting the necklace and looking up to Olivia's eyes before dropping the necklace back onto her neck. She sat back with her elbow leaning on the back of the plush couch. "Where did you get it?"

"Bloomingdale's," Olivia said with a shrug. She realized at that moment that she hadn't heard from Michael in over two days. He'd given up on her and she was thankful for it.

"It's very 'you', Olivia." Alex said.

Olivia smiled. "Thank you." She looked down and took another drink of her wine. Alex had nice taste and her selection for them that evening was perfect. "I like yours as well. It looks like an antique. Is it?" She asked.

"Sort of. It was my great-grandmother's." Alex said, proud of her family's ability to keep their heirlooms in the family.

_I knew it_, Olivia thought, confirming her feelings about the Cabot's history. Thinking about what Alex's family was like only brought her to memories of her own family. Her mother had passed away only a few months ago and Olivia tried not to think about it too often. However, the one thought that kept recurring in her mind after Serena passed was that she was now completely alone in the world. She assumed that Alex probably had no idea what that felt like. Her family was obviously affluent and proud of one another. Any dirty laundry the Cabots' had; they probably had enough money to bury and forget about it in order to focus their attention on the positive and successful things among the family members.

One of the few fond memories that Olivia had of her mother was when she took her out to the symphony. Sometimes her mother got little perks from the university and tickets to the New York Philharmonic was one of them. Serena always took Olivia with her because she knew that Olivia liked it so much. Going with Alex was somehow a form of closure for her on so many levels and she wanted Alex to know how much it had meant to her. "Thank you for taking me with you to the symphony, Alex. I'm really glad we went."

"I'm glad we did too. It was fun." Alex commented. When she leaned over to pour herself another glass of wine, a few blonde strands of hair fell from behind her ear and she tucked them back again to look to Olivia, offering her some more wine.

Olivia pushed her near empty glass forward on the coffee table for Alex to refill the glass. "My mom used to take me to the symphony on a rare occasion. It's one of the nicer memories that I have of her."

"How have you been doing concerning that, Olivia?" Alex asked. "I didn't know you very well at the time, but I am very sorry for your loss."

"Thanks." Olivia dropped her head and played with the rim of her wineglass with her fingertips. "I'm doing okay. Tonight helped."

"You've had kind of a rough year, haven't you?" Alex asked.

"They all kind of blend together to be perfectly honest." Olivia said with a dismayed laugh. "This year was okay…most of it was anyway. It's just been difficult within the last few months."

"Why didn't you take any time off, Liv?" She asked, leaning over the edge of the couch to remove her shoes so she could tuck her feet underneath herself on the couch.

"What would you do with yourself if you had all that time on your hands, knowing how important your job is?" Olivia asked Alex with a smirk, knowing she would have kept working just as she had.

"You've got a point." Alex conceded with a smile. She took another sip of her wine. "I don't mean this to be rude, but can I ask you something rather personal?" Alex asked.

Olivia's eyebrows rose suspiciously. "Might as well. If I say no then I'll wonder what it was that you wanted to ask."

Given permission, Alex bit the bullet and asked the question that she had been curious about since she'd seen Olivia on the subway car with Anya. "Do you only date women? Because I could have sworn when I met you that you were straight."

Olivia laughed, hoping that she'd drank enough wine to be candid, but not too much to be inappropriate. "I thought I was too, but I guess I can't say that with too much confidence anymore, can I?" She joked. "But, uh, I don't really know, Alex." She said, looking down into her wineglass before taking another sip. "I mean, Anya was the only girl that I've ever dated, and I've been thinking about it a lot lately since we broke up. But I don't really have an answer – for you or myself. I don't really think that I'm gay…" she said, thinking, then looking up to Alex. "But I know I'm not straight." Olivia took another sip of her wine before placing the glass on the coffee table in front of them. "What about you?" Olivia asked, turning the tables playfully. If Alex was going to poke and prod, she felt she had authority to do the same.

"What about me?" Alex said with a scrunch of her nose, avoiding Olivia's inquiry.

"Are you exclusively reserved for men?" Olivia asked with a cunning smirk, cocking her head to the side. 

Alex snickered and ran her fingers through her hair before looking back at Olivia. "Do you want to go out with me, Liv?" She teased, recognizing a leading question when she heard one, but then looked away to avoid flirting any further with her colleague.

Olivia knew she shouldn't push her luck with Alex, but she had set herself up for it and Olivia couldn't back down from such an invitation. Olivia smirked, "I already have."

"Ah, good one, Benson." Alex wagged an accusing finger at Olivia, having been successfully pigeonholed. She snickered to herself for a moment, wondering if she should be so open with Olivia. Olivia had revealed so much personal information about herself already, so it would only be fair to throw her a crumb or two about herself. It couldn't hurt, she thought. "Actually, I liked a girl named Katie in college." She admitted.

"You what? I was just kidding around, Alex!" Olivia exclaimed, her eyes widening and her back straightening until she was sitting upright. "Now you have to tell me about her."

"You can't tell Elliot." Alex said putting her wineglass down on the glass table in front of the couch.

"Why the hell would I tell Elliot?" Olivia asked with a crooked face, perplexed by the idea of sharing anything of that nature with her partner.

"Because you're best friends." She insisted.

Olivia rolled her eyes with a shrug. "He doesn't know _everything_ about me and my friends. Now come on. You said I could talk to you about this sort of thing. And now you've got me interested in talking about it. Besides, it might make me feel better to hear someone else's story."

Alex began telling Olivia about Katie, a girl she knew during her undergraduate studies at Columbia. They were both feverishly dedicated to their education and their futures so they were able to connect with one another because of it. Alex told Olivia that they had grown up in neighboring towns, but never met one another until they were enrolled in a general psychology class Freshman year and were assigned to be on the same lab team. Alex went on to say that they spent a lot of time studying together because they got along so well and eventually, they hung out socially, and went to parties together so they could look out for one another. Later, they started talking about how they were both attracted to each other.

"We never formally dated," Alex continued. "We had boyfriends the entire time we knew each other and they never had a clue. We didn't go out often or for very long." Alex leaned down to the table for her wineglass and took a sip, getting a little more nervous about telling Olivia such personal details. "But sometimes we would go to parties…and…" Alex fanned her hand out, hoping Olivia could just put the rest of the pieces together on her own.

"And? And what? You can't end it like that." Olivia persisted.

Alex rolled her eyes, and sat back against the couch. She watched Olivia and drummed her fingers along the arm of the couch, anxiously. "We'd disappear for a while." She finally said, waiting for Olivia's reaction. Olivia sat quietly, pondering the possibilities and sneered at Alex like she expected something else. "I'm not giving you the gritty details, Liv."

"That's enough. I have an imagination." Olivia said, sitting back and enjoying the playful imagery that came to mind. The idea of dating Alex was becoming much more tangible now, despite its inappropriate nature. But there was no harm in daydreaming, Olivia told herself. "Alexandra Cabot, I am shocked." She said turning her nose down and her eyes up at Alex, mockingly.

"So am I." Alex said, rubbing her fingers against her brow, not believing that she'd just told Olivia about her collegiate crush. "It was a long time ago and there haven't been any other girls since Katie."

"Sure." Olivia joked sarcastically.

Alex shook her head and pursed her lips together, barely curling her lip into a smile at the teasing detective. "I never should have told you. You're never going to let me live my _one_ indiscretion down."

_You're damn right I'm not._ Olivia thought to herself with a smirk.

Olivia stayed at Alex's apartment for another glass of wine before calling it a night. When Alex walked her to the door, Olivia wanted so badly to kiss her goodnight. She almost wished Alex hadn't told her about her friend in college because the visions of a completely unprofessional relationship with the attorney now flooded her mind. She had also drank plenty of wine to warrant bad behavior, so she knew she had to get out of Alex's apartment before she did something unwelcome. She was so attracted to the blonde and felt that she'd pretty much been given a key to proceed, but Olivia knew better than to assume that a little sordid story was enough evidence to say that Alex returned her affections. She was probably just trying to make Olivia feel more comfortable about her own situation. So, despite the wonderful vision Olivia had of kissing the attorney goodnight, she thanked Alex again and made her way down the elevator and into a taxi to return home with a mischievous smile on her face.


	35. Chapter 35

**Ch. 35**

Alex took the last of her wine to the bedroom. She set the glass down on her nightstand and slipped out of her dress, hanging it up and tossed her hose to the laundry bin before pulling on a tank top. After washing up in the bathroom, she settled into bed, propping her pillow up against the bed frame and opened her nightstand drawer pulling out a copy of "The Corrections" by Jonathan Franzen and began reading where she had left off. She sipped her wine as she read and for a while, she was captivated by the story. As the hour passed, she realized that it was late, and that she needed to sleep. Alex put the book and her glasses aside and turned out the light.

As tired as she was, Alex was restless. All evening and without a tangible reason, she had been filled with the desire for sex. She allowed her thoughts to drift in the darkness, closing her eyes and moving her fingers down to touch herself over the soft cotton of her panties. Her mind wandered to the recent men she had dated, hoping to elicit fantasies of being with them again. Her mind flipped through the names and faces, skin and eye colors, trying to find one that would satisfy her waking desires. Alex roguishly toyed with herself, sighing into every touch, knowing what she wanted but unable to get the reaction she desired from herself. Had she drank so much wine that she was too tired? She hoped not as she bit her bottom lip and moved her fingers beneath the seams of her panties, needing to be more aggressive.

Her fingers found that she was as dry as a desert canyon and it frustrated her. She sighed again, annoyed that she couldn't achieve that which she had wanted so badly for the past several hours without having a distinct reason why. She had been on fire tonight and with no outlet around other than herself. A myriad of men and even celebrities passed through her mind, each doing dirty favors for her, but nothing could make her wet enough to accelerate her pleasure.

Alex relaxed her mind and her fingers. She tried to just let the fantasy come to her rather than forcing the thoughts into her mind. She breathed softly to herself, raising her other hand to her collarbones as her fingers below still tried to get her wet. Out of a tipsy unconsciousness, Alex's mind found herself seeing and touching Olivia's necklace on her couch. She touched her own collarbones as she had touched Olivia's, remembering how soft her skin had been. She quickly stopped her hand and opened her eyes to dismiss the thoughts she was having about Olivia, and looked around suspiciously as if some ghost could read her mind. Of course, no one was in her apartment. She lay quietly in bed, again considering the imagery that crossed her mind. Alex wondered what the harm was in just having a thought. It wasn't like anyone would know that she'd had it. She reassured herself that there wasn't any harm in thinking about Olivia sexually. It wasn't like she was going to act on the impulses.

She closed her eyes again and succumbed to the image of Olivia and her together on the couch, at first just seeing herself touch Olivia's collarbones, then reaching her hand behind the brunette's neck and pulling her into a kiss. The vision of her shorthaired colleague kissing her with those full, wonderful lips returned to her mind like it had when her date had mentioned it to her several months ago. Except this time, she didn't dismiss it. She wondered what it would be like to touch her and feel the strands of her hair through her fingers. She wondered what the inside of Olivia's mouth felt and tasted like. Alex intensified the fantasy by adding soft, innocent caresses to the detective's neck, shoulders, and back, all the while she played with herself, making herself hot and willing. She allowed the thought of Olivia's tongue to push through her own mouth, tasting the inside of her, and wrestling with the muscle within. Alex closed her eyes tighter and moaned to herself with the prohibited daydream.

Alex's breathing intensified when she felt her fingers get more and more moist from touching herself and she reached deeper to enter and leave herself, saturating her fingers with her own sex. Before she realized it, her mind had allowed her to let Olivia's body press against her, onto her own bed, leaving her wanting to know what it would feel like to have the other woman's naked breasts against her own. In her mind, Olivia kissed her madly and ran her hands through Alex's golden hair, which elicited a moan from Alex in her bed as she felt herself grow warmer and more wanting with each entry she made into herself with her long fingers. She breathed heavier and deeper, desiring something so forbidden that it made her hotter and wetter with every passionate touch.

How could she have missed such an obvious attraction she'd had towards the detective? Their work together was so intimate and their relationship was so rocky. The combination of these things in their relationship excited her. She wondered if the tension they felt between each other was more than mere work-related friction. Anything of a sexual nature between them seemed like impossibility on every level, but it enthralled Alex's mind and captivated her body. She desperately wanted to say Olivia's name into the silence of her own bedroom when she felt herself reaching ecstasy, stroking herself faster, but feared that if she said her name aloud that it would somehow no longer be just fantasy; that it would become real.

Her neck arched forward off of the pillow, bending her chin over her chest, and her thighs opened wider for her fingers to reach deeper inside as her leg muscles tightened, desperately wanting to come harder than she had in a long time. She clenched her teeth and groaned loudly as her fingers curled inside of herself, bringing forth such an orgasm that Alex called out Olivia's name in spite of herself. She breathed harder and penetrated herself harsher and waited again for a second orgasm to come over her like a trashing hurricane as she thought of Olivia's fingers being inside of her, fucking her, and locking those brown eyes with those perfectly arched brows onto her own piercing blue eyes. Alex's neck jerked forward in an aftershock of bliss before collapsing back onto the pillow. She opened her eyes and slowly removed her hand. She lay silently in her bed to slow her breathing and collect her thoughts.

_Damn. Did I really just do what I think I did? _She moaned, licking her lips and rolling over to her side, collecting the edge of her pillow into her hand. _God, that was good. Perhaps a little too good._ She said tightening her thighs to enjoy another aftershock between her legs. _It could never happen, but the thought itself is amazing. Mmmm…Olivia is such a sexy woman. If only having her was as simple as this._ Alex moaned again, closing her eyes and enjoying her secret, midnight reverie. Her eyes were too heavy to reopen. She felt the afterglow of her own lust drag her into a deep, heavy slumber.


	36. Chapter 36

**Ch. 36** **Spoiler: Season 2, Folly (some material used from the show – no profit, just fun.)**

Days thereafter, Cragen, Elliot, Olivia, and Alex stood outside of an intensive care unit looking in on the man that had tried to help crack their case regarding a couple that was hiring male escorts and attacking them, leaving many seriously injured, one in a coma, and another dead so far. Special Victims did not have the evidence necessary to arrest the woman at the head of the escort service who set up these encounters, but Alex had suggested that one of the escorts wear a wire to try and get information from her. The plan went south very quickly the night the man wore the wire and Detectives Benson and Stabler were unable to reach their informant before the woman attacked him, throwing boiling water to his face. They were all consumed with guilt in their horrible mistake of timing, judgment, and strategy.

The mother came out of the intensive care unit, wearing hospital scrubs and a medical mask, ready with ammunition for all of them. "How did this happen?" She asked, removing the mask. Cragen and Stabler informed her of her son's role in their case, and that the female suspect attacked him because she had found her son wearing a wire in order to retrieve crucial information for their investigation. "Who approved this?" She begged of them desperately.

Alex's heart sank below her stomach and her mouth went dry. She stood with her arms crossed and couldn't bear to even look at the mother, but had to. Elliot and Olivia exchanged glances as they all stood in silence. "I did." Alex confessed.

The world around her evaporated as she stared into the hospital room unable to fathom the amount of pain the man was in because of her decision. Cragen said something to his detectives, but she didn't register the words. Olivia gave her a quick glance, not particularly sympathetic, but she couldn't look back at her to know for sure. Alex was left alone outside of the room, clutching her arms together.

Eventually, Alex returned to her office. She stopped at her secretary's desk and asked her not to forward any calls, no matter who it was, and that she did not want anyone to interrupt her unless it was an absolute emergency. Cecile nodded and watched as Alex went to her office, locked the door behind her, and shut the blinds. Later in the evening, the secretary noticed that Alex had not emerged from her office once. She knew what had happened of course, but there was nothing she could do, so she went home for the day without telling Alex goodnight as she always did.

Olivia had never seen Alex so shaken before. She always managed to keep herself detached and poised when it came to her work, and never took anything personally. She knew that what happened had pierced through her, and she worried that the guilt Alex felt about the man's traumatic event was going to butcher her conscience and willpower. Olivia tried calling her several times since she'd left the hospital to try and talk to her, but was always told by her secretary that Alex wasn't taking any calls and to try her tomorrow. That wasn't going to be good enough, so Olivia waited until around 5:30 to leave the precinct to check on Alex, hoping that the guard dog had left and that Alex hadn't gone home.

When she arrived, she saw that Cecile was gone, but Alex's office light was on. She approached the dimly lit office and tapped her knuckle against the textured glass in the door, softly at first. When she didn't get a response, she knocked again, a little harder, and put her ear against the glass to try and determine whether Alex was actually there. She heard barely audible shifts of motion and light footsteps approaching the door.

"This had better be a goddamn emergency." Alex snarled, unlocking the door and opening it a crack to see who the hell was bothering her. She still looked exactly as she had at the hospital. Olivia could see the hurt and pain buried behind Alex's stony expression, but there wasn't even a hint of tears in her eyes. When Alex saw that it was Olivia, she sighed and rolled her eyes. "What do you want, Olivia? To rub in my face that you were right and I was wrong?" She snapped.

"What? No, Alex." Olivia protested. She hadn't been expecting that kind of venomous reaction from her.

"Oh, come on. I know you didn't agree with my decision to wire him." She said crossly, refusing to open the door.

"I never said that." Olivia argued.

Alex stood silently in the doorway, sizing Olivia up. She was edgy and wanted nothing more than to take her anger out on the detective. "I know it's what you were thinking." Alex said, attempting to close the door on her, knowing that yelling at Olivia was not going to fix anything.

Olivia's hand caught the door and she wedged her foot into the jam. "That's _not_ what I was thinking. Alex, I know that you're tearing yourself up about this, but we all are. It's not your fault."

"Like hell it's not!" She yelled with her eyes ablaze and shooting into Olivia's.

Alex's anger shocked Olivia. She knew she'd be upset, but she never expected Alex to be so nasty to her when she was only there to try and help. She had to change her strategy and relax her – and quickly. She assumed a calmer voice, "I just wanted to check up on you. As a friend. You don't have to go through this alone."

"Move your foot before I slam the door on it, detective. I _want_ to be alone." Alex spoke between clenched teeth. If Olivia didn't leave her alone, she knew that all bets were off and that she would take everything out on her. Alex's eyes were bitter and glaring into Olivia's through the clear lenses of her glasses. Olivia removed her foot and Alex slammed the door, shutting her out.

Olivia sighed, trying to think of another way that she could comfort Alex. She was a pro when it came to sympathizing with victims, and Alex was, in a way, a victim of herself and her own emotions at the moment, but she was going to be a difficult woman to comfort. She also could sense that Alex wanted to take her anger out on her and she really didn't want to set herself up as a punching bag for Alex. She needed to tinker around with her tactics and translate them to meet her needs, but still approach her in a way that didn't patronize her. She had a feeling that exposing anything that Alex deemed a weakness in herself would surely set her off. She spoke to her through the door. "I think you should just talk about it, Alex."

"There's nothing to talk about!" She yelled from the other side of the door and across the room.

"You don't have to do this to yourself, Alex. We've all been there." Olivia pleaded through the door with her fingers interlaced, holding them up to her chest. Olivia heard the door click and she took a step back waiting for it to open.

"Why won't you just leave me in peace?" Alex asked, exhausted from her emotions. She leaned her head against the doorframe.

"Because I want to help." Olivia said, quietly and almost at a whisper.

"I didn't ask for your help, Liv." She retorted.

"Won't you at least let me come in? Just for a minute." Olivia begged.

Alex took a deep breath and sighed. She knew Olivia would not leave her alone no matter how many times she slammed the door in her face, so she decided to step aside and let her in. She returned to her seat at her desk with a frustrated groan and nodded over to the chair opposite of her desk inviting Olivia to sit next to her. Olivia closed the office door and then pulled the chair around the desk and sat down next to Alex. She sat with her legs apart and clasped her hands in her lap, leaning onto her knees, and looking up at Alex, waiting for her to talk when she was ready.

She wasn't sure if there was anything she could do for Alex other than listen and if Alex didn't want to talk, it was going to be a very quiet and emotionally charged evening, but she was okay with that. She wanted Alex to know that she could count on her as a friend and just being there with her was hopefully enough to establish that connection. Fortunately, even though Alex claimed she didn't have anything to talk about, she started talking.

"I ruined that man's life, Olivia." Alex said, sitting back against the comfortable chair.

"You need to stop that way of thinking. It's really not your fault. We all agreed to it. We all felt it was our best and only option given the circumstances. He knew what the risks were and _he_ agreed to it."

"Not until after I guilt-tripped him to wear the wire. He wasn't going to do it until I convinced him otherwise." Alex leaned forward, her elbows on her desk, and her head in her hands. "I can deal with anything, but I don't know how to deal with this, Liv." She looked up at her. "I made an unforgivable mistake. And I'll probably be sued."

"Don't speculate on the what-ifs. You'll get through this." Olivia said calmly.

She looked back into Olivia's eternally sad and beautiful eyes that wanted nothing more than to help and console her. The compassion emanating from Olivia was something Alex was completely unfamiliar with and she didn't know how to deal with that either, having grown up in a world where emotions, particularly ones that expressed weakness, always came second to business and appearances. Alex's eyes were glistening, but no tears had actually fallen. She stifled them back and blinked multiple times to erase their existence and looked away from Olivia to her hands on her desk.

It broke Olivia's heart to see Alex so overwhelmed, but refusing to let it affect her. She didn't understand that kind of emotional reservation. "You're allowed to be upset, Alex." She said reaching her hand around Alex and touching her softly on her back for reassurance.

Alex let out a laugh in spite of herself and it brought about an emotional response that she could not have prepared for. Olivia's empathy was compounded with the sorrowful belief that she alone had authorized something that led to a man being permanently disfigured. The tears came back into her eyes from the depths of her soul and slowly dripped from her black lashes down her pale cheeks like melted candle wax. Alex never allowed herself to cry, especially in the presence of others, and had been resisting the urge all day, but she could not cease the tears from pouring from her unrestrained. She closed her eyes and tore off her glasses, carelessly throwing them to her desk. She fell into her hands and covered her face, then reached for Olivia with one of her tear streaked hands. Olivia clasped both of her hands around Alex's, and soothed her with a low, calming voice.

Alex got up from her chair to deny herself any feeling of comfort that she started to feel with Olivia and started pacing behind her desk, saying horrible things about herself between her sobs. Olivia gave Alex her space, but argued against every word. She reminded her that she was only doing her job and that she could have never predicted what happened that night. Alex stopped pacing after a while and stood in front of the shelf of law books behind her desk, looking over the titles as if she had been betrayed by her own knowledge, and cursed herself for not researching further to seek out an alternative method that wouldn't have resulted in anyone being harmed.

Alex brushed the last of her tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and leaned back onto her desk, standing next to Olivia, but she did not look at her. She shifted backwards to sit on the edge, still gazing at the books that could not help her. Keeping her eyes on the wall of books, Alex reached her hand down to Olivia and pulled her up from the chair to sit on the desk with her. Olivia sat next to Alex and looked towards the wall as well, wondering what Alex was thinking about in her trepid silence.

After a long pause, Alex sighed. "You're very good, detective." She said, putting her arm around Olivia's back and shifting closer to lay her head onto her shoulder.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked, hesitantly wrapping her right arm around Alex's waist, wondering if she was crossing the line with her, but trying not to be too over-analytical.

"You get people to talk and spill their hearts out whether they want to or not. I don't know how you do it and I've even seen you do it countless times back at your precinct." She looked up and caught her eyes and snickered. "Never thought it would work for someone like me, but I stand corrected."

Olivia shifted back and removed her arm from around Alex's waist to look at her directly. "That's not what this was about, Alex. I didn't come here to break you open like some kind of interrogation experiment. I respect your privacy, but I just wanted you to know that I'm your friend. I was worried about you."

"I know." Alex said, angling herself towards Olivia and wrapping her arms around her waist to embrace her. Alex lay her chin on Olivia's shoulder and looked out the windows towards the city. Without her glasses, New York was a blur of white and yellow flickering lights. _God, she is so good to me; like no one I've ever known. Why couldn't this work?_ When Olivia reached around Alex to return the embrace and lightly caress her back, Alex felt another tear form in her eye and she instinctively blinked it back, then turned her face towards Olivia's neck and closed her eyes, having been thoroughly calmed by Olivia's kind and pure heart.

Olivia expected Alex to pull away to deny further emotion from expelling from her, but she didn't. She stayed leaning on her chest with her hands wrapped around her shoulders. Olivia impulsively reached down to run her fingers through a group of the woman's fair locks, pushing them back with tenderness so she could see her face to check on her and see if she was feeling better. Alex looked up and Olivia mistook her glance as an accusation of intrusiveness and withdrew her hand quickly. "That was inappropriate. I'm sorry."

Olivia started to move away from Alex on the desk, but Alex kept her grip on her shoulder and her eyes locked on Olivia's. "It wasn't inappropriate, Liv." She said, taking Olivia's hand up to her lips and kissing her knuckles. She released her hand and reached up to Olivia's cheek and closed her eyes before pulling her into a kiss. Olivia couldn't believe or register what was happening as her own eyes involuntarily closed as well. All she knew was that her lips were touching Alex's, tasting the salt from her tears, and when Alex opened her mouth slightly to kiss her again, she felt the soft wet skin of the inside of her lips. It was breathtaking. Olivia moved her hand under Alex's blonde hair and around her neck and kissed her again, opening her mouth ever so slightly to barely taste the tip of Alex's tongue. Closing their lips around one another, they prolonged their contact and held each other gently. When they parted, Olivia opened her eyes slowly, completely lost. She caught Alex's eyes, which were now softer and kinder than she'd ever seen them. "Thank you." Alex whispered, settling her cheek back onto Olivia's shoulder and leaning on her.


	37. Chapter 37

**Ch. 37**

Olivia sat at her desk, her mind deep in thought as she fidgeted with a pencil, swinging it back and forth in a circle between two fingers, the way a drummer plays with their drumsticks. Her tension was more than she could bear and she refused to drink any coffee that morning, despite how much she wanted it, because she knew it would make her more jittery and she really didn't want to enhance her paranoid state of affairs. She could feel the caffeine headache creeping up on her as the morning wore on, and she thought about asking around for some Tylenol, but she didn't want to bring attention to herself. She had so many cases to review with Elliot that morning, but she kept reading the same sentence on the same page in the same file dozens of times over, and still didn't have a clue what case file she was looking at because all she could think about was kissing Alex the previous night.

And as much as Olivia had enjoyed the kiss, she felt horribly guilty about it. She knew that Alex had pulled her into the kiss, but she still felt as if she'd taken advantage of her when she was emotionally undone. There was no doubt that Olivia was attracted to the counselor, and she had even consciously made plans to somehow seduce Alex even though it went against her rule of not dating co-workers, but the guilt that she felt from last night was starting to tarnish that idea. The fact of the matter was that Alex was emotionally unstable last night and was just seeking comfort from Olivia and nothing more than that. The kiss probably didn't mean anything to her, at best. At worst, she'd regret it and their working relationship would quickly decline. She'd probably act as if nothing happened and Olivia would just have to swallow that pill and get on with her life and figure out how to work professionally around her regardless.

When the phone rang at her desk, Olivia nearly jumped out of her skin and the pencil between her fingers flew over her desk and nearly sideswiped Elliot's face.

"Jesus, what's with you?" Elliot asked, quickly dodging the pencil and laughing at her over the top of his case file that he had been reviewing.

Olivia sighed, humiliated, and answered the phone. "Special Victims; Detective Benson." She leaned over her desk and grabbed another pencil.

The call came in from another precinct, asking for assistance at a crime scene. The victim was bruised and naked, so there were assumptions of it being a sex crime. As Olivia jotted down the details of where to meet the homicide detectives, Alex came through the precinct doors exactly as Olivia had expected her to: as if nothing had happened. She had returned to her icy, emotionless demeanor overnight. Olivia looked up with the phone on her ear as Alex walked by, giving the detective a quick and indifferent glance, and kept walking until she arrived at Cragen's office and knocked on the door. He waved her in and shut the door behind her.

After hanging up the phone, Olivia put on her coat and told Elliot that they were needed at a scene. As Elliot put the file down and rose from his chair to put his coat on, Olivia walked to Cragen's office and knocked before opening the door.

"Hey, sorry to interrupt." She said to Cragen, but briefly glanced over to Alex, who was sitting in a chair in front of Cragen's desk. She still looked indifferent to her, which annoyed Olivia a little. She wasn't expecting a parade, but she thought that some kind of emotion either positive or negative wouldn't have killed Alex. She nodded quickly to her, "good morning, Alex."

"Morning, detective." Alex said, leaning onto her hand resting on the arm of the chair.

Olivia returned her gaze to Cragen. "El and I just got called out to a scene."

Cragen nodded. "What's the story?"

"Deceased young woman. They think she's maybe in her mid to late twenties. She was found bruised and naked down off of Canal."

"Okay, but you and Stabler have plenty of open cases right now, Benson. Are you sure you don't want Munch and Fin to handle this one?"

"Ah, yeah. We got it, Captain." Olivia scoffed, offended that he felt that she and her partner were overwhelmed and couldn't handle another case.

Olivia thought about asking if Alex planned to come back to the precinct later that afternoon so that she would have more time to talk with her privately, but she couldn't think of any reason why Alex _would_ be back that day. She didn't have any specific case-related reason to call on her, nor did she have a reason to go and see her at her office. So she let it go for the time being and walked out of her Captain's office, and left the precinct with Elliot to canvas the scene together.

The following day, Alex sat in a booth at the diner on the corner opposite of her office eating breakfast. It had been two days since she'd kissed Olivia and she was trying to come up with the nerve to contact her so that they could talk about what happened. Then again, the way Olivia behaved yesterday when she saw her led her to think that Olivia didn't want to talk about it at all. The insulting look she shot her when she came into the precinct had caught her completely off-guard. She started to wonder if she had offended Olivia by kissing her, but she had a hard time wrapping her mind around the idea that Olivia would find a kiss to be so offensive. She knew Olivia was attracted to her.

"Mind if I join you?" Elliot asked, interrupting her thoughts and standing above her at the table.

Alex looked up and smiled, setting her teacup down. "Not at all." She offered him the seat across from her with an open hand.

Elliot thanked her and sat down, folding his coat over the back of the booth since no one was sitting behind him. The waitress came over and Elliot ordered a pretty substantial eggs benedict breakfast, to which Alex raised an eyebrow at him, amazed at the amount of food he was about to consume.

"Where's Olivia?" Alex asked, scooping some of her scrambled eggs onto a piece of wheat toast.

"I don't know. Probably at home or on her way to the precinct by now." Elliot shrugged. The two discussed their cases and until the waitress dropped off Elliot's breakfast plate. He began to eat until his phone started ringing. He reached to his belt to unclip and answer it. "Stabler."

"Hey, it's me. I'm running a little late today. Just wanted to let you know." It was Olivia.

"Okay, Liv. I'm having some breakfast with Alex anyway." Elliot said with a wink to the counselor.

Alex's eyes widened, having not even thought about the possibility of Elliot knowing that she had kissed Olivia. _Was that a wink of 'I know what's going on' or was that just an innocent wink of 'wait until Liv hears that we're actually having breakfast together'?_ She couldn't tell, so she dropped her eyes back to her breakfast plate and continued eating her breakfast, hoping to herself that Elliot didn't know about her and Olivia's kiss. She hadn't even talked to Olivia yet, but she couldn't be certain that Olivia hadn't opened her mouth to her partner. More now than ever, she needed to talk with Olivia.

"Alex?" Olivia asked her partner, perplexed and paranoid. _Oh my god. Surely she wouldn't tell Elliot, right? No, she probably wouldn't, but what the fuck are they doing having breakfast together?_

"Yeah, Alex. I just ran into her at the diner. Anyway, you want me to pick you up?" Elliot asked her.

"No, I'll meet you at the precinct." Olivia answered.

"Okay. See you then." Elliot hung up the phone and took a bite of his breakfast. "Boy, she's in a mood today."

"Is she all right?" Alex asked, wondering if Elliot could give her some insight on his partner.

"Yeah, she's fine. She's just been jumpy and a _little_ bitchy lately, but don't tell her I said that." He said shaking his head at Alex. He took another bite of his breakfast. "Between you and me, Cabot," he cleared his throat, "I think she just needs to get laid."

Alex let out a laugh and quickly reached for her teacup to occupy her hands with something. _Oh, Elliot. If I could make that happen today, I would._

"It's been a long time since Anya and her broke up, you know what I mean?" He indicated, raising his eyebrows and nodding his head at her to follow his train of thought.

_Yeah, I have an idea._ Alex didn't really answer Elliot, but smiled at him lightheartedly between sips of her tea, keeping her eyes down and her lips sealed.

"So…what's on your agenda today, Cabot?" Elliot asked.

The rest of the day passed without any difference from the norm. If Alex and Olivia spoke at all, it was in the presence of others and always about a case they were working on concurrently. Olivia made one attempt to speak with Alex privately that afternoon, but Alex brushed her aside, telling her she had a seminar to attend on ethics and so she wouldn't be available in her office for the remainder of the day. Because Alex had not offered a better day or time in an effort to talk with her, Olivia accepted that the kiss had obviously been a mistake made by Alex, or both of them and that it was time to drop the subject. She was disappointed, but at least a little relieved that Alex didn't feel the need to add salt to the wound by telling her outright that it was a mistake, thus making their relationship a strained one.

On Thursday, Alex came by to drop off a search warrant due to its urgency. Elliot and Olivia were heading out to execute it when Alex stopped Olivia by grabbing her wrist. She had tried to get Olivia's attention all week and was getting frustrated with the stubborn detective. She was going to give her one last chance. Olivia looked down at the pale fingers wrapped around her wrist over her watch, then looked up at Alex, annoyed.

"A word, detective?" Alex asked, dropping her hand from Olivia's wrist.

"You just handed us a warrant. We need to go _now_, Alex." Olivia said, expressing the rush at hand, baffled by Alex's behavior. Certainly she knew they were going to conduct the search the second she gave them their documentation.

"I know." Alex continued, getting impatient. "But we need to go over your testimony one more time before you show up at my trial tomorrow morning."

_My trial._ Olivia laughed sarcastically to herself. She was amused that Alex felt that she owned these cases and the trials she conducted, as if she was the only one that worked on them. "We went over it already." Olivia disputed, putting on her coat and walking away towards Elliot at the door.

Olivia had truly pushed the wrong button. Alex was furious that she could be so flippant with her, as well as completely avoid and ignore her for days. It ticked her off that they had shared something so intimate on Monday, but Olivia was refusing to acknowledge or allow Alex to discuss it with her. She had poured her eyes out onto Olivia's shoulder because she trusted the detective and now she wouldn't even give her the time of day? She was fed up with Olivia's bullshit and was not going to be ignored a second longer. She angrily called out to her as Olivia approached the precinct doors. "When you're done with the search, I expect you to show up at my office, detective. It's an important trial tomorrow morning and I want all of the loose ends in your testimony to be tied up _today_." Olivia turned around to face Alex. She had finally gotten her attention. "_If_ you don't mind."

Olivia's jaw dropped and her eyes lit up, hopefully burning a hole straight through Alex's heart. She was mortified that Alex would say such things to her in front of Elliot. "Yeah, Alex I think I _do_ mind." Olivia snapped back at her. "You said my testimony was fine last week."

"Well, it's not. There's time that's unaccounted for, evidence that you collected on a search that was not included in the warrant…" Alex was just making shit up as she went along, but she'd had enough of Olivia's crap and decided to feed her some of it herself.

"_What!?_" Olivia screamed, taking a step closer to Alex, although still standing across the precinct from her. "Are you accusing me of sloppy work, Cabot? Because you damn well better –"

"No, I'm sure there's an explanation," Alex said interrupting her. "But that's why I need you to come by my office and just go over it one more time." Alex was still managing to keep her voice calm and low.

"But it was _fine_ last week!" Olivia yelled back.

"It's not an option, Benson." Alex ordered her.

_Alex is now making demands of me. She's going to regret that, _Olivia thought. "I don't take orders from _you_, Alex."

"But you do take them from me, Olivia." Cragen said, coming out from his office after seeing the two women openly arguing with one another.

"Excuse me?" Olivia addressed her boss.

"If Alex needs to go over your testimony again, you can make the time to do so. We work on these cases together, remember?" He said, then turned to Alex as a mediator. "But you will have to wait until she gets back from executing that search warrant."

"That's what I asked of her in the first place." Alex argued.

"Asked?" Olivia jeered at Alex under her breath. "Hmph, I'd _hardly_ call your demeaning request 'asking'."

"Come on, Liv." Elliot said, grabbing Olivia's elbow in an attempt to pull her away from the office so they could leave.

Olivia aggressively yanked out of his grip, glaring at Alex. She was aghast at how rude she had been to her in front of her entire unit. Olivia was so angry that she nearly didn't take the high road and was close to blurting out their little Monday night secret Alex clearly wanted to keep under wraps, but she didn't. "Fine." She conceded, bursting out of the doors following Elliot.

Elliot would not let Alex's comments go while they drove to where they would be executing the search. He couldn't believe she had been so rude to Olivia, and his biting commentary that it was "all about Alex" only made her angrier. As soon as she felt sure that CSU would be able to handle the scene with Elliot's supervision, Olivia left, taking their car and showing up at the attorney's building fuming. There wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that Olivia was going to let Alex get away with such abhorrent behavior against her.


	38. Chapter 38

**Ch. 38**

Olivia stormed into Alex's office, walked straight past her secretary and slammed the office door behind her, which sent the attorney's blinds wafting and clanging against the windows. "How _dare_ you speak to me like that in front of my unit!" Olivia screamed at Alex, approaching her desk forcefully. She perched her fingertips onto the desk, and leaned over Alex. "Do you have any respect for me at all?"

"Of course I do." Alex retorted, acting completely unfazed by Olivia's attack, but truly recognizing that Olivia was in a very threatening mood. She rose from her chair to be at the same level with her and came around to the side of her desk to stand beside Olivia.

"Then why did you feel the need to humiliate me like that in front of Elliot and my Captain?" Olivia took several steps forward towards Alex, which sent her backwards until she was pinned against the metal filing cabinets. 

"Back off, Olivia." Alex barked, realizing she'd upset Olivia far more than she had intended to. Regardless, she did not appreciate Olivia's bullying attitude. Olivia took a step back after noticing that she was dangerously hovering over Alex with clenched fists. "It wasn't intentional," Alex continued when Olivia had given her enough space to breathe.

"Sure seemed intentional to me." Olivia sneered.

Alex looked directly at Olivia and Olivia furrowed her eyebrows back at her, expecting an apology. "Okay, so it _was_ intentional," Alex admitted freely, "but you really pissed me off this week." Alex said taking a step forward to invade Olivia's space now.

"Me? I haven't done anything!" Olivia protested, backing away from Alex.

"That's exactly my point, Olivia." She said, leaning back onto the front of her desk with her arms crossed. "I trusted you enough to cry in front of you. You took the time to comfort me but then you turn around and don't speak to me for three days?! How the _hell_ did you expect me to act?!"

It bothered Olivia that Alex was right, but she was still so angry with her for ordering her around in front of her co-workers that she refused to back down just yet. "I'm not the only one to blame here, Alex. You've been ignoring me all week too."

Alex smirked to herself, letting out a sarcastic chuckle. _God, she is stubborn…even when she knows she's wrong! And she is far more volatile than I thought she was, but damn is it sexy, _she thought as she walked back around to the other side of her desk and sitting down. She felt that Olivia might calm down easier if she gave her the upper hand and allowed her to be slightly dominant

Olivia glared back at her, completely unamused. "What the hell are you laughing at?" She snapped bitterly.

"Olivia, you have such a temper," she pointed out.

"Oh, and you don't?" Olivia challenged her.

"Have a seat, Liv." Alex asked, taking on a lighthearted tone and offering her hand to the chair in front of her desk.

"No thanks, I don't plan on staying long." Olivia said, crossing her arms in front of her, expectantly.

Alex interlaced her fingers, set them on her desk, and leaned forward to address Olivia. She needed and felt she deserved an apology from Olivia, but she also knew that Olivia would hold a grudge if she didn't apologize first and the last thing she wanted was for Olivia to hold something so trivial against her. "Okay, then I'll be brief. I am sorry for being rude to you this morning –"

"Are you?" Olivia asked.

"_Yes_, but –" Alex answered.

"Because you embarrassed – not to mention _insulted_ – the fuck out of me, Alex." Olivia interrupted her again.

"I'll make it up to you, I promise. I –"

"What, with tickets to the symphony again?" Olivia was not going to let Alex complete a single one of her thoughts until she had gotten hers out first.

"If that's what you would like," Alex offered.

"Please." Olivia laughed, rolling her eyes. "I'm not going to go out with you again if you're going to treat me like some, naive little girl when we're working. I've been at this job a lot longer than you have, Cabot, and I think you'd better start respecting me and my work." She demanded Alex, pointing her finger at her to get her point across.

"I do respect your –" Alex started, gently pushing Olivia's hand away from her face, getting seriously annoyed with Olivia's inability to conduct a constructive conversation with her.

Olivia cut her off again. "Because I don't think –"

"_Olivia!_ Will you let me speak?!" Alex yelled, smacking her hands upon her desk.

"That depends on what you have to say." Olivia said smugly, crossing her arms in front of herself again, but shutting up nonetheless.

Alex sighed. When she felt she had gotten Olivia's attention, she continued. "Liv, do you have any idea how difficult it has been to get you to stop fussing around long enough to come and talk with me? This isn't about your testimony; you're testimony is perfectly fine, I know that, but I've been trying to get in touch with you for daysYou've been completely avoiding me."

"I've been busy." Olivia fumbled for an excuse. She'd thought that Alex was the one avoiding her, but now that she looked back on the past week, she might have been a little too hasty with placing all of the blame on Alex.

"And I haven't been?" Alex defied her. "Look. I am sorry for being so rude to you, but honestly, I was running out of options with all of the games you were playing. It was to the point where I figured that the only way I could get your attention was to tick you off."

"Well, it worked." Olivia sulked, not in the least bit pleased with Alex's tactics.

"I can see that, but you really upset me this week too. You said you were my friend." Alex sighed.

"I am." Olivia was starting to feel like a jerk.

"Then why did you do everything in your power to avoid me after I poured my heart out onto your shoulder? I never expected you, of all people, to be so…insensitive."

_Ouch. _Olivia cringed at Alex's words. "I'm not insensitive, Alex. I know I avoided you, but I thought you would tell me that you had made a mistake by kissing me. You looked like you had regretted it when we saw each other on Tuesday morning."

"It wasn't a mistake." Alex said, reaching one of her hands forward on her desk to Olivia, open and waiting for her to reach back for her.

"Maybe it was." Olivia suggested, not responding to Alex's gesture.

"How can you say that?" Alex asked, hurt all over again by Olivia's words, and taking her hand back. She'd felt such a passion in that kiss and knew with her entire soul that Olivia did too. She saw it in her eyes and she had wanted to see that look again for days. She couldn't bear hearing Olivia deny her obvious feelings for her like that. She couldn't tell if Olivia truly thought that their kiss was a mistake or if she was just saying that because of Alex's poor method in getting her attention today.

"I feel like I took advantage of you." Olivia looked down in an effort to avoid Alex's eyes.

"Oh please, Liv." Alex mocked her. "I'm a big girl and can take care of myself." She rose from her chair and went around to sit on the edge of her desk in front of Olivia. "And for the record; although I don't feel like you should need any reminding, I'm the one who kissed you."

"I know. I didn't mean to say that you couldn't take care of yourself, but –" 

"But nothing." Alex cut her off. She sighed, setting her hands on either side of her skirt, placing them on her desk and leaned on them. She was going to have to work harder. She looked down into her lap. "Olivia, I'm not very good at this sort of thing. And I'm not very good at relationships. Most of the time, I try to avoid them, but…" her voice trailed off. She looked up to Olivia to catch her eyes and prove her sincerity, "I like being with you and I would like for you to give me a chance."

"A chance at what?" Olivia asked sarcastically, looking up to Alex as if she was testing her. As much as she wanted to date Alex, she was not about to let another relationship of convenience develop like it had with Anya. Olivia couldn't help but hear Anya's foreboding words regarding Alex and her assumed political intentions ringing in the back of her mind. Alex was going to have to offer her more honesty and openness than Anya had and she was going to have to give it to her right off the bat.

Alex's eyes dropped back down to her lap. It wasn't the first time she'd been faced with a brick wall, and she somewhat expected it to be that way with Olivia. She wondered how Olivia could flirt so shamelessly with her before, but now that there was a real possibility of them dating one another that she was being shut out. She hoped it didn't have anything to do with Anya, but she also realistically knew that the two had broken up not that long ago and even though she denied it, Olivia still probably had feelings for her. If she didn't have feelings for her, she at the very least knew that Olivia was going to be more self-protective after what happened between her and Anya. Alex was going to have to make Olivia forget about her somehow. She would have to offer Olivia something that Anya couldn't and that was her loyalty: her entire self.

Alex wondered if she could actually follow through on such a heavy promise. She couldn't deny her unbelievable attraction to Olivia, but she had her doubts and they mostly revolved around herself. She worried about her family, her career, and Olivia's. She wondered if they could work together _and_ have an intimate relationship. She knew she was putting the cart before the horse in many ways, but the thoughts were still valid arguments that needed sorting. She looked back up at the detective and she saw the wariness in Olivia's brown eyes. She realized that Olivia had been waiting for an answer and when Alex hesitated, Olivia got up from the chair and walked to the door to let herself out. Alex stood up immediately and scurried over to her, taking her hand and calling her name, asking for her to wait. Olivia turned around to Alex, exasperated and tired of riding on Alex's emotional carousel.

Before either could speak, Alex's secretary buzzed into her office. "Ms. Cabot?" She called over the phone's intercom.

Alex cinched her eyes closed, and clenched the fist that was not holding onto Olivia's hand, having been duly reminded that she was at work and now was not the time to be discussing the feelings that she had for the detective. She dropped Olivia's hand. "Yes, Cecile?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but your meeting with the DA is in five minutes." The woman's voice spoke through the intercom.

Alex put her fingers up to her forehead and mumbled, "shit" under her breath. Alex hadn't forgotten about the meeting, but she had definitely lost track of time.

"I have to get back to the search." Olivia said, turning back to the door to leave.

"Wait!" Alex called out to her again. "Just…just give me one second." She said, raising her index finger to Olivia, urging her to stay. Alex organized her thoughts as she tried to prioritize the pressuring tasks at hand. Olivia sighed, but stood still by the door, biting her lower lip and shoving her hands into her pockets.

"Should I try and reschedule the appointment?" The secretary asked, still on the active speaker.

"No. Absolutely not. I'll be right there. Thank you, Cecile." Alex walked back to her desk and waited for the intercom light to turn off, leaving them with their privacy again.

"I really need to get going, Alex." Olivia said, impatiently.

"I know. But we need to talk about this." Alex spoke as she collected several documents to hurriedly prepare for her meeting. Alex was unable to locate a certain file and lifted and pushed papers around her desk, searching for it.

"I don't think –" Olivia started.

"Liv." Alex interrupted, looking up at her from her frantic search. She came around to the other side of the desk again. She spoke with her hands clasped together, slightly below her face. "I'm asking you for just a little bit of your time. That's it. Just come and get some coffee with me after work. Please?" Olivia kept her eyes to the ground, but nodded an affirmative answer to Alex before looking up and catching Alex's pleading eyes. Alex smiled before quickly turning back to her desk to try and find that file she needed for the meeting.

"Can I help you look for something?" Olivia offered to help, knowing Alex was in a hurry.

"I'm looking for a brown accordion file with a yellow indexing sticker on the top. It's got my witness depositions in it for that Mendoza case. The DA wanted to review them in our meeting." Alex browsed through her credenza to see if she'd misplaced it there instead of on her desk.

"You getting any closer to taking that to trial?" Olivia asked, taking a step forward to help Alex search for the depositions.

"One day. You know these things take time, Liv."

Olivia easily located the file beneath a stack of manila folders. She smirked at Alex as she handed the large file over to her. "Is this it?"

"Yes! God, thank you." Alex said, taking it and putting the other pages she'd collected into the file. Alex tucked the folder under her arm and rushed to the door to leave, but turned around quickly to address Olivia a final time. "There's a diner on the southeast corner across from this building. Can you be there by six?"

"I can try." Olivia shrugged, not knowing what else was going to unfold in her day, especially after finishing the search of the suspect's apartment.

"That's all I ask." Alex accepted. She anticipated seeing Olivia again, but was nervous about what their discussion would entail. She didn't have time to consider it any longer than that. She opened the door and walked out, leaving it open behind her for Olivia to leave. She walked briskly down the hall towards her meeting, her high heels clicking on the tiled floors. "Bring me something I can use from that search, detective." Alex called to Olivia over her shoulder. Olivia smirked and shook her head, watching Alex's blonde hair lightly bounce off of her shoulders as she turned the corner and walked into a conference room, closing the door behind her.


	39. Chapter 39

**Ch. 39**

Alex stood outside of the diner in her long, light blue pea coat with her briefcase slung over her shoulder, waiting for Olivia as patiently as possible. She knew that there was a slight chance that Olivia wouldn't show up, either to avoid the situation or because something at work kept her from meeting with her, but she tried to be optimistic. She glanced at her watch. It was pressing 6:30. When she looked up again, she saw Olivia standing in front of her.

"Did you think I wouldn't show?" Olivia asked, noticing that Alex was checking her watch.

"You have a lot of work to do. I knew it was a possibility." Alex said, covering her wrist with the warmth of her coat.

"Are we going in?" Olivia gestured to the door.

"Uh, no. I think I'd rather walk over to Columbus Park if that's okay. It's not too cold out today." Alex answered. Olivia nodded and walked alongside of Alex on Baxter Street heading to the crosswalk. "So, did you find anything with that warrant?" Alex asked, starting off with a little small talk.

"Yes and no. Nothing like what we had hoped to find, but El and I sent some things to get tested at the lab, so we'll see." Olivia said, glancing over to Alex.

"Good. I think I'm going to need to do some kind of peace offering for Elliot after my little rant at you today." Alex said, turning to Olivia with a smile

"Yeah, you could say that." Olivia smiled back. "I won't lie; he's not very fond of you at the moment."

"I know. We had such a nice breakfast yesterday, too." Alex said, nodding. "Do you have any suggestions? I don't see him being the type to enjoy the symphony."

Olivia laughed, "No, I don't think that would work." She glanced over to Alex and caught her beautiful eyes. "Besides, I don't think I like the idea of you taking anyone else but me to the symphony."

Alex smiled at the detective and then looked forward again. "Do you really feel that way? I mean, earlier today you said that the kiss was a mistake. How do you really feel?"

Olivia shoved her hands into her pockets, getting self-protective. "I don't know, Alex. I think I need to hear it from you first, but before you say anything, I want to apologize for overreacting earlier today." Olivia sighed. She was so ashamed of her recent behavior towards Alex. "…And for refusing to speak with you for three days. I didn't mean to be so selfish. I'm sorry, Alex."

Alex nodded and accepted her apology with a quiet thank you. They approached the crosswalk and waited for the signal to change so they could continue walking across the street and into the park. She readjusted the strap for her briefcase before speaking plainly. "Well, I don't know how to approach this kind of subject delicately, so I'm just going to lay it out there for you."

"I would expect nothing less from you, Alex." Olivia said with a lopsided smile, and reaching to take the briefcase from her and draping it over her own shoulder.

Alex smiled at the helpful gesture, but then stopped walking and turned to Olivia, who also stopped. Alex glanced around and saw that there were a few people in the park, but for the most part, they were alone. "That kiss…" her voice faded. Alex felt herself losing her words and her sense of balance looking into Olivia's dark eyes, knowing she was waiting for Alex say the right thing. "It was amazing, Liv." Alex licked her lips to buy some time and consider her thoughts. "And I didn't kiss you because I was _emotional_, although I'd really not like to relive that part of the evening ever again. I kissed you because you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, and the truth is that I think I've wanted to do that since I knew you weren't opposed to the idea of dating women."

Olivia looked down to the pathway, unable to fathom the weight of her words. _She couldn't possibly be talking about me_. She took a few steps away from the attorney and leaned up against a large oak tree behind her and propped one foot up against the tree in order to maintain a physical boundary between the two of them.

Alex took a step towards her, but didn't get too close. "Liv, I haven't wanted to date another woman since that one girl I knew in college. I really want us to try."

Olivia nodded, not necessarily in agreement, but more to express that she was listening to Alex and was processing her confession. She bit her lower lip out of nervousness and sighed, trying to be reasonable. "I'm flattered, Alex, I really am, but I just think that getting involved with each other is a bad idea. I don't see how it could work without jeopardizing our professional relationship."

"Olivia, be frank with me here." Alex said, taking on a more direct tone and approach. "Are you even attracted to me?"

Olivia laughed aloud. _What a ridiculous question._ She raised her chin to Alex and crossed her arms in front of herself. "You know I think you're beautiful." She said, pushing herself off of the tree and walking along the pathway.

Alex quickly stayed in step with her. "Then why are you resisting?" She appealed.

"Oh, I don't know, Alex. Maybe because not even a week after we kissed we've already started screaming at each other." Olivia said.

"I admitted that I instigated that. You were ignoring me. I won't do it again."

Olivia shot her a sarcastic smile. "Let's get real here, Alex. Those were raw emotions and you played me to the point where I was furious with you."

"I was not playing you, Olivia."

Olivia laughed, "Uh, yeah you were, Alex. You knew what would set me off and you did exactly what you needed to do to get me to eat the poison out of your hand. Besides, I went out with a colleague at work before and it was disastrous. I don't think I want to go through that again."

"I don't know anything about that, but every situation is different, Olivia. Why would you assume that we would be a disaster when you haven't even given us a chance?"

"You're really proving my point by arguing against everything I say, Alex." Olivia said with a lighthearted smirk to Alex. She spotted a bench and walked over to it and sat down, setting Alex's briefcase beside her on the bench.

"It's what I do for a living." Alex joked, as she sat down next to her. "But don't you think that there's a _slight_ chance that we argue because we're frustrated about something completely unrelated to the topic at hand?" Alex asked rhetorically with a teasing smile.

Olivia laughed at Alex's joke, and took Alex's hand and held it inside of her leather jacket pocket. "That may be true." Olivia sighed, "But you know Anya did a number on me. If it's going to work, I think I just need some more time."

Alex had a feeling Anya had something to do with Olivia not trusting her. She didn't like Anya to begin with, but now she was really starting to hate Olivia's ex because she was impairing her ability to have a clean start of a relationship with Olivia. "I understand you are trying to get over what she did to you, Olivia. I do. But I can promise you the one thing that she couldn't."

Olivia turned to Alex, skeptical and nervous. "Oh? And what's that, Alex?"

"My loyalty," she said taking her hand out from Olivia's pocket and holding it to her heart. Alex's words were clear and simple, knowing that loyalty was the one thing that Olivia wanted to hear. Olivia didn't say anything in return, but the expression on her face softened. "I can promise you my complete honesty and loyalty, Olivia…"

Olivia heard her voice trail off, as if there was more to what she was going to say. She glanced at Alex, cocking her head to the side to try and read her. "But?" She raised an eyebrow to her, worried about what Alex's fine print would be.

Alex sighed, "But no one can know." Olivia snickered and shook her head, having seen that coming from a mile away. "Liv, please don't let that be more than what it is." She said, rushing her hand to Olivia's thigh, stopping her from getting up and walking away to address her more acutely. "It has nothing to do with the fact that we're women. I'm not the type to be ashamed of that sort of thing. But we have to work together and our careers are critical to us and to our community. We both take them very seriously." She clasped both of her hands around one of Olivia's. "We've worked our entire lives to get to where we are. Even you have expressed the potential jeopardy we'd put each other in at work by having an intimate relationship. If people know, then yes, our jobs could be threatened or at the very least be laced with prejudice. I can't give you that kind of openness for that reason alone…but I can promise you my loyalty."

"Don't you think that it would be easier if we just left it alone?" Olivia asked.

"I can't do that, Olivia." Alex said, scooting closer to her on the bench. She reached her hand to Olivia's cheek. She softened her tone and lightly ran her fingers through Olivia's hair. "I can't go the rest of my life not knowing what we could have had."

Olivia glanced down to her lap, melting into Alex's gentle, pale hand. "I want to believe you, Alex. I do."

"Liv, please –" Alex took Olivia's hand and gazed into her eyes. She dropped her hand to her lap, and Olivia slowly allowed her heavily lined eyes to meet with Alex's.

"I'm not saying no, Alex." Olivia said, brushing the back of her hand along Alex's shoulder and down her arm. She wanted to bring her into a kiss and toss all doubts aside, but knew that the consequences of such rash action would be great if she wasn't more cautious with her mending heart. "I want this as much as you do, Alex. Just give me a little time to think things over." She gave her a soft smile and kiss on the cheek before rising from the bench and heading back across the street towards the diner and her car, alone.

Alex sat back against the bench, pulling her briefcase from the other side of the bench over to her, and watched Olivia walk away from her without turning around once. Olivia was hung up on several legitimate points. Anya never shoved her into the closet, nor did they probably fight like she and Olivia could. She understood why Olivia was frightened by that intensity. She knew that Olivia had her reasons for keeping everyone at more than an arm's length away from her personal life and she wanted to respect that, and Alex understood that starting a relationship would threaten that comfort zone of loneliness that Olivia thrived upon. It was now in Alex's hands to advocate her viewpoint, and advocacy was Alex's chosen profession. She knew that she could win this trial presented to her by proving to Olivia that they could work without jeopardizing their own personal boundaries if she would just give them a chance.


	40. Chapter 40

**Ch. 40**

Alex went home disappointed, but far from hopeless. If Olivia wanted time to think about it, she was willing to give her a little time, but not much of it and not without subtle reminders of what she'd be giving up if she chose not to give her a chance. Therefore, after giving Olivia the weekend alone with her work and her thoughts, Alex started the task of gaining her colleague's trust. Olivia was quite right in the fact that they were both very hot-tempered together if provoked and could argue with amazing passion. To counter this debate Olivia was stuck on, Alex needed to show her that she could be an equally affectionate person and along the way, she would prove her fondness for the detective in order to win her heart. It was certainly something she was unfamiliar with as she was usually the one being pursued, but she was motivated by the challenge before her and felt fairly certain that if she successfully swept Olivia off her feet, that Olivia would be unable to resist.

She started simple; at first just trying to regain Elliot's confidence in her because she knew it was important to Olivia. When she spoke to Olivia over the phone in an effort to get her to go out for dinner with her on Monday night, Olivia declined because she said that she and Elliot would have to work well into the night to help Cragen prepare for his appearance before the Commissioner the next day. Jumping on the opportunity, Alex called in an order of food from a steakhouse she was familiar with in the area and had it delivered to them at the precinct with a note attached for Elliot, apologizing for her previous actions and telling him to contact her if there was anything she could do to help.

Elliot was approving, but also suspicious of her move. He asked his partner if she had figured out Cabot and her motives yet. She told him no, but when she saw the satisfied smile come across Elliot's face after taking a bite out of the savory steak Alex had ordered for him, Olivia knew exactly what Alex was getting at. She smiled to herself and continued to work while eating her own meal that Alex sent to her, although she did swipe a few bites of Elliot's steak when he wasn't looking. He caught her once and nearly speared her hand with his fork before finally letting her go ahead and take the cut of meat for herself. After they finished eating, he spoke to Olivia about Alex, taking a break in his report for Cragen, and acknowledged that while he was baffled by the counselor, what she had done for them that night was selfless and thoughtful and he appreciated it. And so did Olivia.

The following day, Alex sent her a letter enclosed in a case file via office courier to ensure that it went directly to Olivia and to no one else. She felt it was inappropriate to send her a letter in a real file that dealt with the polar opposite of romance, so she diligently created a fake file full of insignificant documents she'd created in law school that she found in her apartment the night before.

When the file came to Olivia in the morning, she opened it and immediately knew it was not one of her active cases because she saw that the documents were completely unrelated to one another. Baffled, she sat up and sipped her morning coffee, looking over the documents and wondering why the hell Alex had sent her the miscellaneous papers. She set her coffee mug down when she noticed a fine linen envelope among the papers with her name sketched on the front in blue fountain ink.

She used the mail blade on her desk to open the sealed envelope. As soon as she unfolded the linen paper within, several peach-colored rose petals fell from the paper, a few falling into her coffee mug, unbeknownst to Olivia. _What the…? _Olivia thought before reading the gracefully handwritten message.

_"Know that as you read this, I am thinking of you. –A"_

Reading the simple but heavy words in Alex's handwriting melted Olivia's heart and she brought her fingers to her mouth to cover a smile that broke across her face. She sighed to herself, knowing what she wanted to do, but still too worried and untrusting to allow herself to be happy so easily. What they wanted from one another was far too serious for Olivia to just fly off the handle to Alex with open arms.

She thought about Alex's words and wondered how realistic it would be for them to keep their relationship a secret. She wondered how they could work together without becoming biased or overprotective of one another if things really got serious. Such biases would distract them as well as impair their judgment at work. The way their jobs were set up was to balance each other out: one working in investigating, the other in prosecuting. If they became intimate with one another, it was inevitable that sides would be taken from time to time, even when it came to every day relations like her fellow detectives at SVU. Especially with Elliot since Alex and her partner rarely saw eye-to-eye, even less so than Olivia and Alex did. At all angles, other than the attraction she had towards Alex, a relationship between the two of them just seemed like a train wreck.

Olivia refolded the letter, returning it to the envelope and into a desk drawer. When Olivia drew the coffee mug back up to her lips, she stopped short when she noticed a few of the petals floating on top of the black liquid.

"I've heard of rosewater, but never rose-flavored coffee." Munch joked, passing by her desk. He snickered at her, but didn't pry. He hadn't seen what was written on the note, but he had seen her put it away and it was hard to miss the rose petals sprinkled all over her desk.

She picked each peach petal out of her mug and tossed them into the garbage, then swept her desk clean of the remaining petals, putting a small handful of them into the envelope with the letter before re-closing the drawer. After Munch had spread the news of Olivia's love note to Fin and Stabler when they came in that morning, it became increasingly difficult for Olivia to ward off their curiosities; especially when the subtle romantic gestures from Alex didn't cease.

The following day, Alex left her office to grab a salad on the corner for a quick lunch. It was raining so she put on her coat and grabbed an umbrella from her secretary before heading out, not wanting to buy yet another umbrella from the corner merchants. As she approached the bodega, she spotted Olivia across the street, running to a crowded awning to escape the pounding rain. Seeing that Elliot was not with her, Alex took a detour from the shop and headed across the street to say hello.

There wasn't enough room under the awning so Olivia gave up trying to push her way in. She continued to walk down the block until the rain suddenly ceased as Alex had caught up to her, holding the umbrella over Olivia's head. "Hey." Olivia greeted Alex, slowing her pace now that she was protected from the rain. "Thanks." She said, looking up to the umbrella.

"It looks like I found you too late; you're soaked." Alex said, noting Olivia's condition. Even though Olivia probably didn't feel at her best being sopping wet and her make up disintegrating, she looked beautiful to Alex with the ends of her brown hair and eyelashes dripping from the cold rain.

Olivia shrugged, "I should be used to it by now. What brings you out in the rain?"

"Lunch." Alex replied. "Where are you headed?"

"I just finished so I was meeting up with Elliot down the block at our car." Olivia said pointing to the Irish-American restaurant on the corner.

"You don't eat together?"

"Usually, yes. But we needed a bit of a break from each other today." She said, raising her eyebrows, but not going into detail about whatever their scuffle had been about.

"Oh. Mind if I walk with you then? You shouldn't be in the rain without an umbrella. You'll get sick." Alex scolded her, walking with Olivia to ensure that the umbrella stayed above her head.

"I don't get sick." Olivia retorted.

Alex laughed. "Of course not."

"Thanks for sending that food over to us the other night, Alex. It was delicious. I meant to call and thank you, but we've just been so busy." Olivia said, walking in step with her so that the edge of the umbrella wouldn't bump her forehead or tangle in her hair.

"You're welcome." Alex smiled. "Did it go over well with Elliot?"

"Yeah. He really appreciated it." Olivia said with a grateful smile to Alex.

They approached Elliot and Olivia's squad car and Alex walked Olivia to the passenger side door. She looked towards the Irish restaurant to see if Elliot was on his way out. He wasn't in sight and Alex wondered how long he would be as Olivia didn't appear to have a key to get in.

Olivia ran her fingers through her hair to remove excess water, then looked to Alex who was standing in front of her, still holding the umbrella over her head. "I got your note." Olivia said, trying to keep her eyes down to avoid blushing. "I've been thinking about you a lot too." She confessed.

Alex smiled and angled the umbrella back just so to block any view from the restaurant windows. She stepped closer to Olivia, took her hand into her own, and placed a kiss upon her cheek. "Come and have a drink with me tonight, Liv."

"I want to…" Olivia hesitated.

"We've gone out before. I don't understand." Alex argued, but actively trying not to get frustrated with Olivia.

"It's different now. You know it is." Olivia said, dropping her hand out of Alex's and looking down to the puddle of rain forming at their feet.

"It's not different, Olivia. It's better." Alex said lifting Olivia's chin and leaning in to kiss her, tipping the umbrella back a little further. Olivia's long eyelashes fluttered against Alex's cheekbones until stilling themselves, accepting the kiss. Alex peeked for a half second to see Olivia's eyes closed and satisfied with their contact. She re-closed her eyes and deepened the kiss, gently touching her stomach with the tips of her fingers, hoping that Olivia would allow the forward gesture.

Olivia wanted to panic, knowing that Elliot was expected to walk out of the restaurant at any second and she couldn't believe that Alex was kissing her in public after telling her to keep their potential relationship a secret. But the second Alex's fingers touched her stomach and when she took a step closer so their bodies were lightly touching one another, Olivia breathed in Alex's sweet perfume that reminded her of magnolias and was instantly lost in their kiss. She opened her lips to kiss her again as she reached her hand under her blazer and gently held her back, curling then relaxing her fingers against the cotton shirt.

At that moment, a taxi came roaring by them, driving all too close to the street parking space where they stood, splashing filthy rainwater up Alex's legs. Alex broke the kiss immediately in shock, gasping and nearly dropping the umbrella. She stood frozen and wet with the oily, black water. "Goddamn it!" Alex shrieked, completely taken off guard. She bent over her to see if her beige pants had been ruined. They were definitely soiled, but not beyond repair.

"Oh, Alex." Olivia said, sympathetic.

"Fucking taxis." She cursed under her breath. "They do that shit on purpose, I _know_ they do." She accused.

Elliot emerged from the restaurant and walked to the parked car where he saw Olivia and Alex standing under an umbrella by the passenger side door. "Alex, what are you doing here?" He said, unlocking the door for Olivia to finally get in.

"I was out getting some lunch, but I think I'll be going home to change now." She said, stepping towards the sidewalk once Olivia had ducked into the car.

Elliot scrunched his eyebrows at her, wondering why she'd be going home so early in the day, but then noticed that the bottoms of her pants were wet and dirty. "Taxi?" He asked, knowing he'd been splashed by a racing taxi more than a dozen times in his life. Alex nodded.

"We'll give you a ride then." Elliot offered.

"Thanks, but I don't live anywhere near here, Elliot." Alex protested. "I don't mind taking the subway."

"Don't worry about it, Alex." Elliot said, opening the backdoor for Alex to sit behind the driver's seat. "Get in." He said with a nod towards the car. Alex stepped into the backseat and sat down. Elliot opened the front door. "Liv, you mind driving?"

"Why?" Olivia asked, having gotten comfortable already.

"Because you know where she lives." He said, closing the door and coming around to the passenger side.

Olivia scooted across the front of the car and settled into the driver's seat, glancing into the rearview mirror and catching Alex's eyes looking back at her. The entire drive uptown to Alex's apartment was not without conversation, but Olivia wasn't really paying attention. The only thing on her mind was the static building between her and Alex. She kept glancing into the mirror and almost every time, Alex's eyes were peering back at her, sparkling like sapphires. As much as she loved Elliot, she wanted to open the passenger side door and kick him the hell out so that she and Alex could continue their drive back to her apartment alone. As she thought about it more, she snickered quietly to herself and looked back into the mirror to Alex before rolling her eyes with a slight nod to Elliot then back to Alex, indicating that she wished he'd bail on them. Alex picked upon Olivia's intentions and smiled in agreement with her.

When they arrived at her building, Olivia wished she had an excuse to go up with her, just for even a second, but she didn't. She and Elliot were expected elsewhere that afternoon and they were already running a little late as it was. Alex's doorman helped her get out of the car, and she turned to thank them for the ride. Olivia gave her a quick wink and Alex smiled back before heading up to her apartment to change.


	41. Chapter 41

**Ch. 41**

After their tense drive back to Alex's apartment, Alex knew Olivia was giving into her feelings for her. Olivia had still turned her down for drinks though, so today Alex knew that she would have to start breaking her own rules in order to prove to Olivia how serious she was and that "no" was no longer an acceptable answer. She needed to show her that what she felt for the detective was not just a physical, fly by night attraction. In all of Olivia's stubborn glory, Alex was starting to fall for the detective and as every day passed, she increasingly wanted to be with her. Therefore, on Thursday she decided to get old fashioned on Olivia and send her a bouquet of stargazer lilies directly to the precinct. In a unit that was mainly comprised of men, the delivery of flowers was exceptionally rare so when they arrived, all heads turned.

"My, my, Olivia, you shouldn't have." Munch said, admiring the fragrant flowers being held by the deliveryman in the doorway.

"Oh, you know me. I'm such a romantic at heart." Olivia laughed at him, returning to her work, but having a pretty good feeling that the flowers were for her.

The college-aged deliveryman looked to his clipboard for a name. "Is there an Olivia…Benson here?" Thoughts confirmed, Olivia slowly raised two fingers in the air, thus indicating to bring the flowers to her.

"Well, _you_ might not be a romantic, but someone sweet on you sure is." Munch replied.

The man set the lilies in the center of Olivia's desk. When he left, Olivia spotted Elliot staring at her with a sly smirk across his face while going through his inbox. He was dying to know who had bravely sent her flowers to a room full of men that drooled at the notion of learning the slightest detail about Olivia's personal life. Olivia knew all too well who had sent the flowers, but she still reached for the card embedded between the sweet-smelling blossoms.

"So who's the lucky guy?" Fin asked, walking over and sitting on the corner of her desk, trying to catch a glimpse of a name on the tiny card that Olivia held tightly against her chest before slipping it into her pocket.

She looked up at him and bat her eyelashes playfully. "Who said it was a guy?"

"Oh my bad, 'Livia." Fin remarked, sliding off of her desk and raising his hands defensively. The other two male detectives laughed and accosted her with a crescendo of inappropriate locker room commentary, knowing Olivia could take the heat and throw it back with the best of them until Cragen came out of his office in a huff, noticing that the men were all surrounding Detective Benson's desk, and that none of them were working.

"What's going on out here?" He asked with his hands on his hips.

"'Livia got flowers from some chick." Fin remarked shamelessly, to which Olivia dropped her head to her hand in an effort to hide, fully regretting her previous smart remark.

"Well, unless that _someone _has anything to do with investigating the suspect that's reaping havoc out on the city of New York right now, get back to work." He ordered.

_Thank you._ Olivia thought to herself, for once relieved that Cragen's angry outburst had resulted in interrupting her fellow detectives' prying.

"Munch, Fin…don't you have somewhere to be right now?" Cragen continued, pointing to his watch and returning to his office.

Fin nodded over to Munch and the two exited the precinct. Elliot also returned to work. Olivia reached into her pocket to retrieve the card and opened it behind a file in front of her so that Elliot couldn't see what she was doing.

_"Give us a chance. –A."_

Olivia's cheeks flushed. She quickly rubbed her face with her hands in an effort to blanche out the pink coloration and get back to her work before Elliot noticed. Despite Cragen's scolding of the squad for not working, the day was slow, and it was going to be difficult for Olivia to focus now that Alex had sent her the flowers. The scent of the lilies permeated the entire room so even when she got up from her desk, a reminder of Alex's feelings for her was all around her. Alex was really outdoing herself with her courtship of the detective. She had done some of the most romantic, flattering things Olivia had ever experienced, but the fact that it was all coming from Alex - a woman who seemed to always keep her heart and emotions at bay - was beguiling.

About an hour later, Munch and Fin returned to the precinct and were questioning a suspect for one of their cases. Munch exited the interview room after a few promising minutes and asked Cragen to call Alex. Moments later, Alex came in wearing what appeared to be a new, cream-colored suit. She passed Olivia, who was standing by her locker, putting up a few files to take home with her, and walked straight over to Elliot.

"Hey, Elliot." He looked up at her and nodded. "What interview room are they in?"

"Who? Munch and Fin?" He asked.

"Well, obviously not you and Olivia." She remarked with a laugh.

He snickered back, not entirely amused by her sarcasm, but not turned off by it either. "Room 2."

Alex nodded at him. "Thanks." She noticed that Olivia had gotten her flowers and watched her return to her desk, taking a seat. "Nice flowers, Olivia." Olivia's eyes shot up to her, trying not to act surprised or nervous in front of Elliot who could read her like a book. "You have a secret admirer we don't know about?" She asked, reaching to her desk for the card that Olivia had left by her keyboard, but back in its tiny envelope. She leaned back on the desk opposite from Olivia's and crossed her ankles.

"Uh…" Olivia stammered as Alex started to open the envelope while watching her squirm at her desk trying to think of something to say.

"I thought you weren't seeing anyone." Elliot interjected.

"I'm not." Olivia said, snatching the card back from Alex and putting it into her pocket.

"Well, someone sure is romancing the hell out of you, Liv." Elliot said with a chuckle. "I should be taking notes. Kathy would be begging for a fifth child if I did half the stuff this person has done for you in the past few days. What's the problem?"

"Yeah, what's the problem?" Alex asked, raising an eyebrow to Olivia.

"I think both of you need to mind your own damn business." Olivia returned both of their penetrating gazes with a playful glare.

Alex snickered and got up from the corner of the desk to walk towards the interview room. She smiled to herself. She was close. She could feel it, but right now she had to get back to work.

When she returned from watching Munch and Fin interrogate their suspect, which resulted in a satisfying arrest, she approached Olivia, who was back at her locker gathering her things to go home.

"You look nice." Olivia acknowledged, scanning her quickly as to not be noticed by her colleagues who were still present.

"Thank you." She saw the look Olivia gave her and it boosted her confidence. Now she just had to push the right button, right now, and Olivia would surely give in to a date.

"Got a date tonight or something?" Olivia asked, pulling some things from her locker.

"That all depends." Alex said, hushing her tone.

Olivia laughed, "On what?"

"On you." She whispered so no one around them would hear.

Olivia looked around to see if anyone had heard her before leading Alex further down the hall so they could talk somewhere a little more private. "You're really starting to push that envelope, Cabot. First you send me flowers and now you're asking me out not ten feet away from my partner? I thought you didn't want people do know."

"What's to know? You won't go out with me." Alex teased. Olivia pursed her lips and shook her head at Alex. "Do you like the lilies?" She asked with a smile.

"Yes, of course I like them." Olivia thanked her with a smile. "But you have no idea how close you came to outing yourself."

"It was a risk I was willing to take." Alex sighed. "Never in my life have I had to work so hard to get a date with someone. You'd better be worth it, Olivia Benson." She wagged an accusing finger at the detective.

"Don't get cocky; I haven't said 'yes.'" Olivia said, smiling and folding her arms over her chest.

"Oh, you will. I'm not letting up until you do, Liv, so you might as well surrender."

"That sounds an awful lot like harassment, Alex. I could have you arrested." Olivia played back.

"Good, I'll sign off on the arrest warrant myself. A holding cell was not the kind of date I had in mind, but it'll do if that's your best offer."

Olivia laughed and shook her head. "You're incorrigible."

"Yes I am, so stop making me beg. It's not becoming of me."

"No, it definitely isn't." She joked with a smile. She looked up into Alex's blue eyes and sighed. "But that suit is." Olivia smiled. "Would you have dinner with me tonight?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Alex said with a wink. "Do you have someplace in mind?" Olivia nodded. "…And where would that be?" She asked.

"Well, would you mind if we didn't go out? I mean, you've been so patient with me. I was thinking that maybe I'd cook for you."

Alex raised an eyebrow at Olivia's suggestion. "Really?" Alex asked with a smile. She never pictured Olivia to be much of a cook, but the chance to be alone in Olivia's apartment was not an opportunity she was going to turn down. "I don't know, Olivia, are you a decent cook? As you well know, I'm pretty picky." Alex teased.

Olivia laughed. "I know my way around the kitchen, thank you, and I'm prepared to handle even your harshest criticism. Although, I'm not expecting to hear any." She added with a playful sneer.

"Duly noted." Alex said, impressed with Olivia's confidence. She gathered Olivia's files from her hands and put them into her own briefcase to help. "Lead the way, detective." Alex followed Olivia to the exit, both of them bidding Elliot a goodnight on their way out.

Elliot briefly glanced up and waved goodnight to Alex and Olivia, a pencil in his mouth, and then returned his eyes to his computer screen to complete the task at hand before returning home to Queens.


	42. Chapter 42

**Ch. 42**

After making a quick stop at the grocery for a few items, they arrived at Olivia's apartment. Upon entering, Olivia set the large paper bag on her kitchen counter and returned to Alex at the front door to take her coat. She saw Alex glance around her apartment and she did the same, realizing that it wasn't nearly as immaculate as the attorney's apartment, but it wasn't a pigsty either. _Although, maybe I could have thought ahead and picked up a bit more before inviting company over_, she thought. After hanging up their coats, Olivia walked back to her kitchen. She pushed the sleeves of her maroon knit top up her arms and reached into the bag to begin making dinner.

Looking around Olivia's apartment, Alex realized how completely different their worlds were. Alex had pictures of her family everywhere, whereas at a first glance Olivia didn't seem to have any other than one picture of her and her mother when Olivia was younger. Alex was also one to be very proud of her accomplishments. Any awards or degrees she had earned were framed and on display somewhere in her home or office. She noticed that Olivia had dozens of plaques and framed awards honoring her work with the NYPD, but they were all tossed aside in an old brown box in the corner of her living room, rather than being hung on the walls.

The one thing that was similar was that they both had nice taste in art, but some of Olivia's chosen art seemed to be a subtle reminder of her own sadness. The one Alex was taken by the most was one of _Hamlet's Ophelia_. She glanced over to Olivia, who was starting to boil water and preheat the oven in the kitchen. She wondered if her friend felt a comparable level of despair as the fictitious Ophelia experienced, or if Olivia just liked the artwork itself. In spite of her wanting to believe that beneath it all, Olivia wasn't as dark as she appeared, deep down Alex knew that Olivia's melancholy was unlike anyone's she'd ever known. She didn't understand it, but it was always present; even when Olivia was seemingly happy or smiling. She knew that Olivia's job itself would put anyone through an emotional wringer, but she also knew there was more to it. It seemed to consume her completely. Alex selfishly hoped that she could somehow bring a little light into the woman's life.

Alex walked over to a large window that overlooked the street below. On the windowsill outside, she noticed a flower box full of dead flowers and completely overgrown with weeds. "Nice flowers, Liv," she remarked sarcastically with a laugh.

"Give me a break, Alex." Olivia joked, pouring some jasmine rice into boiling water. "I can cook, you expect me to be a gardener as well? And it's winter for crying out loud; the flowers were bound to die."

"I know, I'm only teasing." Alex said, walking away from the window and coming into the kitchen to be with Olivia. She sat on a barstool opposite Olivia, who was placing their honey-ginger marinated salmon filets into a glass baking dish before tossing them into the oven. "Although, you could toss the dead flowers and soil into the garbage and try again this spring." She suggested.

"I could, but I'm probably not going to." Olivia replied, pulling a towel from a cupboard and wringing her hands between the folded linen before tossing it over her shoulder.

"Can I help?" Alex offered.

"No, of course not." Olivia replied. She turned to Alex and leaned onto her elbows. She was so happy to have Alex in her home. She knew that the commitment to silence would be difficult for her to maintain, but she also felt that if anyone was worth such a sacrifice, it was Alex. She reached her hand across the bar and curled it under Alex's hair, lifting her off of the barstool and into a kiss. Alex eagerly brought her hand up to Olivia's cheek and gently held her as she pressed her lips back upon the detective's. Olivia slipped her tongue beyond her teeth and into Alex's mouth, touching and teasing her tongue.

Alex felt her stomach tie itself into knots at the sensation. She lost herself in the delicate but deeply provocative taste of Olivia's tongue inside her mouth. She gently moved her hand around Olivia's neck and twirled her fingers around the soft tendrils as she pulled Olivia's tongue deeper within her. Kissing her took her breath away. She could not recall a kiss so passionate or honestly loving as the kiss she now shared. She thought about how she had not kissed another woman in such a long time, but she didn't remember it being as thrilling as this was.

Gradually, Olivia sealed her lips around Alex's before breaking away. She gave Alex a shy smile before kissing her again, briefly. "I'm glad you came over for dinner tonight." Olivia said before turning around to start boiling some water for the asparagus.

Alex was lost in the clouds after kissing Olivia. "Me too," she whispered, watching Olivia and noticing that her curves were exquisitely beautiful. Clearing her throat and bringing herself back down from cloud nine, Alex continued. "I never thought you were the type to enjoy working in the kitchen. Where do you find the time?"

"I don't, normally. But I wanted to do something nice for you. No one has ever romanced me like you have this week." Olivia admitted.

Alex smiled, proud of her achievements with Olivia as well as being genuinely flattered by her willingness to cook for her. "Ah, so I _was_ breaking through days ago. You just purposely didn't reciprocate?"

"You could say that." Olivia said over her shoulder with a quick smile to Alex before returning her attention to the cutting board, preparing the asparagus. "I was just seeing how long you'd keep it up. It was nice being spoiled."

"There's a lot more where that came from, Olivia." Alex said, walking over to her side at the stove and giving her a kiss on the cheek. She opened the refrigerator door and started rummaging around.

"What are you looking for?" Olivia asked, smiling to herself from the warmth of Alex's kiss on her cheek. She dropped the cut asparagus into the pot of boiling water to lightly cook and put the towel on the counter.

"The wine you bought at the store. I found it." Alex said, pulling it from the fridge.

"I'll get it, Alex." Olivia took the wine from her hands. She set the bottle down and grabbed a couple of wineglasses and a corkscrew to open it. After the bottle popped open, she poured each of them a glass and handed Alex hers first. After taking a sip of her wine, she set the glass down and leaned against the counter, waiting for their meal to cook itself. "Why don't you take off that jacket. You're not in court, you know, and my apartment doesn't have a dress code."

"True." Alex answered, removing her ivory blazer, which revealed a pressed midnight blue button down shirt that was tucked into the waist of her skirt. She draped the blazer on the back of the barstool and kicked off her heels, pushing them under the chair. "But you're not out on the streets, yet you're still wearing your badge and that gun."

Olivia looked down at her gun holster as she stirred the asparagus spears in the boiling water, adding the slightest pinch of salt. "I don't even think about it being there." She laughed, looking over to Alex. Her eyes got caught up in the sight of Alex's dark blue shirt, the buttons straining to stay secured over her breasts. _Oh, fuck. I shouldn't have told her to take off that blazer. Not that the shirt she's wearing is all that revealing, but…uh… I need to distract myself_. She looked away. "Does it make you uncomfortable?" Olivia asked Alex about the gun, but saying the words confirmed that she herself was growing increasingly uncomfortable around Alex. She knew why she'd invited her back to her place. It was for privacy, right? It wasn't because she wanted to take the woman to bed with her. Olivia grabbed a cooling rack and set it out in preparation for the oven buzzer to go off and then looked back to Alex. _Oh, who am I kidding? _She admitted to herself with a smirk. _There is no way that I'm going to let Alex leave tonight without that blouse coming off first._

"No, of course not." Alex replied, watching Olivia drop to her heels to check on their salmon filets in the oven. _I find it just about as sexy as you are right now, Olivia, nervously fidgeting around and looking for something to do in order to avoid standing next to me. _"But it doesn't look comfortable, especially after wearing it around all day."

Olivia rose to her feet and turned to Alex with a shrug. "I'm used to it."

Alex took a step closer to Olivia; she just wasn't getting her point across. She boldly tucked her fingers underneath the leather of Olivia's belt and tugged her away from the stove. While weighing her eyes deep into the dark ones above her, she gently pulled Olivia against herself and moved her thumbs slowly along Olivia's belly to the belt buckle.

Olivia stopped breathing at the touch of Alex's fingers beneath the seam of her slacks and felt overcome from Alex's contact. "Or it can come off, I guess." She nervously squeaked out.

Alex smirked at her, still locking their eyes, as she laced her fingers around one end of the belt. She pushed the leather under the metal buckle then pulled it taut in order to unhinge the strap until it came loose. She pulled the end with the buckle until it got caught on the clips that were attached.

"It won't come off that way, Alex." Olivia said with a crooked grin, taking Alex's hands and guiding them to one of the holster's snaps under the leather belt. Olivia removed her own gun holster and watched Alex's fingers work at removing her badge clip for her.

Alex kept her eyes down as she carefully unsnapped the holder for the officer's badge. She was so close to Olivia and all she could think about was touching her. She looked back up and handed Olivia her badge to set on the counter behind them, but held onto Olivia's belt to prevent her from stepping away. _You're killing me, you know that right?_ Alex thought, as she re-hinged Olivia's belt and tucked the strap back through the silver buckle.

When Olivia stepped away, Alex felt her mind drift, wishing she had risen to her toes to kiss the slightly taller woman when she was standing before her. She wanted so much more than kisses from Olivia though, and wondered if Olivia wanted the same from her. She wanted to feel Olivia pinned against her and she wanted to feel her hands rushing down the front of her blouse. She wanted her to dip her fingers between the buttons and undo them until she could slip her hand underneath to touch her breast. She had waited and wanted Olivia for weeks now and she was having a hard time keeping her mind out of the bedroom and in the present tense. Surely Olivia wouldn't make her wait any longer than tonight.

The oven timer went off, which unfortunately snapped Alex out of her fantasy. She had let her imagination run wild and was clueless as to how much time had passed as she stood there in the kitchen sipping her wine and daydreaming. _Jesus, Cabot, pull yourself together_.

Olivia glanced in her direction with a puzzled look. "You all right there, Alex?" Alex nodded sheepishly, realizing that Olivia had noticed her daydreaming. Olivia left the stove and gave Alex a kiss while touching the ends of her blonde hair tenderly. "Thought I lost you there for a minute."

"It's been a long week, I guess." She answered, embarrassed.

_Yeah whatever, Alex_, Olivia snickered to herself, knowing exactly where she'd lost Alex to. She'd caught her staring at her, but was intensely satisfied that her night with the counselor was going exactly as planned. She handed her gun and badge to Alex. "Would you place these on the coffee table for me while I get everything finished up?"

"Sure." Alex replied almost at a whisper as she carefully walked the items over to the living room. When Alex returned, she took their wine glasses to the table. She went to the kitchen again and searched through the multiple drawers for silverware. As she set the table, she noticed that Olivia had a very nice tree-like candleholder in the center of the table with unused tea lights. In fact, it didn't appear to have ever been used. "Do you have any matches?" Alex asked.

"For what?" Olivia asked while placing a filet on top of the rice.

"To light these beautiful, but horribly neglected candles." Alex joked.

Olivia laughed, "Yeah, over here in this drawer." Olivia said, nodding to one of her kitchen drawers. Alex walked over and pulled out the matches. Olivia snickered at her and grabbed her by the hips before she was able to walk back to the table. "That's pretty romantic for a first date, Alex," she whispered into her ear.

Olivia's words resonated within her like velveteen and sent goosebumps up her spine. She embraced Olivia's hands around her stomach and craned her neck to catch Olivia's dark eyes. "Technically, it's not our first, Liv." She remarked.

Olivia kissed Alex along her neck before letting go of her so she could light the candles while she dumped the dirty pots and pans into a sink full of soapy water. Soon after, Olivia brought over their meals which were piping hot on the plates. She set them on her small table that was in front of a big window and returned to the kitchen again to fetch the bottle of wine and some bread. Since Alex had lit the candles, she dimmed the kitchen light before sitting opposite Alex at the table.

Alex looked down at the wonderful meal that Olivia had so diligently prepared. "Thank you for dinner." Alex spoke quietly, taking a first bite and seeing that everything was cooked amazingly perfect. The salmon flaked apart with the slightest touch of her fork and the honey and ginger flavors melted into her mouth.

"You're welcome." Olivia said, waiting to hear Alex's reaction.

"I'm impressed, Liv. This is very good." Alex said, catching Olivia's shy smile from across the table.

"Ah, the Cabot Stamp of Approval. I'm flattered." Olivia said with a tip of her wine glass towards Alex before taking a drink.

Alex laughed. "I could never make anything like this. I can't cook to save my life. Did your mother teach you?"

"Uh, not exactly. It was just her and I growing up and someone had to cook and it sure as hell wasn't her. I mean, she attempted to when I was really young, but when I reached a certain age, I just could _not_ eat another bowl of mac 'n cheese or can of Chef Boyardee." She said with a laugh. "I just had to figure it out, I guess."

"Well, you've come a long way, Olivia. This is amazing." Alex said, fully appreciating the kindness of the romantic meal she'd prepared.

Their conversation throughout dinner flowed easily, despite both being well aware that tonight was their first official date, and being in the privacy of Olivia's apartment at that. They discussed work a little, but mostly they allowed each other to ask more personal questions. It pleased Olivia to know that she'd impressed Alex, and she thoroughly enjoyed having her in her home. Physical attraction aside, Olivia was really starting to enjoy Alex's company and looked forward to getting to know her more as time went on.


	43. Chapter 43

**Ch. 43**

After dinner, the two remained at the table drinking wine and talking until one by one, the candle lights went dark and at which time, Olivia finally got up to put the dishes in the dishwasher. Alex had enjoyed being waited on by Olivia all through dinner, but enough was enough. When she saw Olivia at the sink, she got up from the table and pushed her to the side and insisted on at least washing the pots and pans for her. Olivia reluctantly allowed it and stood behind her as she watched Alex test the water temperature numerous times with the tips of her fingers before wetting a sponge on the edge of the sink.

She gazed at Alex's fingers as the cloudy stream of water flowed between them, thinking about how she had so carefully touched her earlier when removing her badge. Olivia had always found the counselor's hands to be beautiful. The way she moved them when she talked. Even when she used them in an abrasive manner, ordering people around or crossing a witness on the stand in court, Olivia found herself watching those hands and wanting them to touch her. She watched them now as she prepared to wash the dishes. They were finally alone in her apartment and the way the water moved over Alex's hands made Olivia's center become warm. She couldn't fathom how something so completely mundane could spark a tension of ungodly proportions, but the anticipation of having Alex touch her was unbearable.

Alex could feel Olivia was watching her and she too felt the tension in the room escalate. She didn't understand why she was suddenly so nervous when they had conversed so freely together all evening long and had even kissed so passionately earlier. But something told her that when she kissed Olivia again tonight that she would not be able to stop herself from being completely possessed by the passion between them. And she wanted it. She wanted Olivia to kiss her and take her to bed. She wanted to take the initiative and do it herself, but the silence and static brewing between them resulted in a complete loss of nerves for Alex.

Lucky for her, Olivia didn't give Alex the opportunity to clean a single dish before she set her empty wine glass down and walked forward to the counselor. She reached around Alex and turned off the water and then she glanced back at Alex, catching her bright blue eyes behind her rectangular glasses. Olivia saw a touch of apprehension in her eyes. She lowered her eyes, set her hands upon Alex's hips, and dropped her lips down to her neck, kissing it. Alex gasped lightly at Olivia's impulsive and intoxicating move and immediately dropped the sponge into the sink before pushing her wet fingers back into Olivia's short hair and holding her at her neck. She reached her other hand to her own waist and pulled Olivia's hand around her stomach, dropping her head back and moaning as she felt Olivia's tongue move liberally upon her neck and her curves pressing upon her back as Olivia embraced her wholly.

Alex turned around to face her and Olivia took Alex's face in both of her hands and kissed her. Alex closed her eyes and quickly relaxed onto Olivia's mouth, reaching to hold Olivia's wrists, and returning her kiss tenfold. Olivia stepped forward again to push Alex against the sink, but she tripped over her high heeled boots as she did so. Alex caught her, seizing control, and pushed Olivia back onto the granite countertop opposite the sink, touching Olivia's soft face, sealing her lips around hers, and pressing her smaller frame against Olivia's alluring curves.

Alex opened her mouth to kiss her again and Olivia pushed her tongue through the wet opening and licked and sucked at the inside of Alex's mouth. Alex moaned at Olivia's unbridled zeal for her, and ran her long fingers through the detective's short hair, but felt Olivia move her mouth away from her own, tracing an invisible line down Alex's neck with her tongue, stopping at the skin between her jaw and earlobe. Olivia held Alex at her back, allowing one hand to ride up Alex's neck, kneading the tendons as she lapped and nipped at the tender skin of her neck. She felt Alex's body collapse into the hand that held her back and she moved the other hand back down in order to help support Alex against herself.

Alex turned her head to the side to allow Olivia to kiss her throat, chest and neck as she held onto the brunette's head and hips as close as humanly possible. She watched every detail of Olivia kissing her in the nearby mirror that hung in the living room beside them, seeing and feeling every touch as Olivia slowly canvassed her way across Alex's alabaster skin. Alex moaned at the vision of such a beautiful woman touching her; becoming warm and wet at the sight of Olivia's long, dark lashes falling over her heavy eyes, and her full lips placing delicate and adoring kisses upon her skin.

Olivia carefully removed Alex's glasses to set them on the counter behind her and found Alex's lips again. Alex graciously accepted them against her own lips, lightly pinching and sucking at Olivia's lower lip before moving her own mouth down Olivia's neck. Alex slowly moved her hand down from Olivia's neck and curved it around Olivia's waist, gripping the skin under her knit shirt and pulling herself against Olivia, wanting a fuller contact with her.

"God, you are beautiful, Olivia." Alex whispered, admiring the woman and her subtle reactions to her sensitive caresses. Olivia let out a slight chuckle, disbelieving Alex's observation. Alex heard the doubt in the laugh and looked up at Olivia, cradling her jaw in the palm of her hand. "How can you not know that, Liv?" Alex said, kissing her tenderly. "Just look at yourself." She said, turning Olivia's face to the round mirror on the living room wall. "You're gorgeous."

Olivia heard Alex's words and felt the sincerity cut through her soul as she gazed into her own dark eyes in the mirror, but felt them grow heavy as Alex moved her lips to her neck. Alex wrapped one arm around Olivia's waist, arching her back so that their hips were pinned together, and gradually moving her other hand up Olivia's shirt in order to cup her breast, massaging the supple flesh. Olivia's breath deepened and she moaned quietly at Alex's gentle fingers on her breast and her tongue dancing upon her neck. When she looked into the mirror again, she caught her breath and became weak at the sight of Alex's body pressing against her, her hips slowly gyrating against her own, her porcelain hands massaging her curves, and her wonderful lips kissing the skin on her neck. Olivia could have reveled in watching Alex work her in the mirror for hours, but the vision intensified the detective's fire that burned away within her and she felt compelled to follow her instincts.

She lifted Alex's face, capturing her beautiful eyes for a moment before kissing her, not releasing her lips or opening her mouth, but just holding her there, wanting the kiss to weld them together. She straightened her back and took a step forward, moving away from the kitchen, and pushing Alex backwards towards her dimly lit living room. The only light in the apartment was coming from the kitchen behind her, a small end table lamp with a red shade, and the city lights that illuminated the night through her lightly shaded living room windows.

Alex broke away from the kiss, but kept in line with Olivia's feet, moving backwards, and holding the detective at the neck and hips, urging her forward. No words escaped their mouths; their eyes and bodies communicated anything and everything that needed to be said as they remained fastened onto the other at the hip. Soon enough, Alex felt the arm of the couch at the back of her legs. She rose to her toes in order to reach Olivia's lips and kissed her again, tugging her hips forward and against her, as Olivia pushed her back against the arm of the couch, sighing from the spark between her legs.

Olivia's hands met at the base of Alex's shirt and she tugged her conservative, collared blouse out from the waist of the ivory skirt. She moved her hand up to just below the collar and slowly unbuttoned one button at a time as she kissed the attorney and listened to her moan into her mouth. She dropped the shirt off of Alex's shoulders and moved her hands to the zipper on the side of her skirt to remove the skirt as well. Simultaneously, Alex's hands unhinged Olivia's belt and she quickly unbuttoned her pants. Olivia kicked out of her shoes and socks, but stopped suddenly, thinking twice about what was about to happen between the two of them. "Alex…" she whispered, but without stepping away.

Alex looked up at Olivia, confused as to why she had stopped touching her. "What?" She panted. "Why did you stop, Olivia? What's wrong?" She asked, exasperated and reaching for Olivia's hands to continue.

"Nothing's wrong." She confirmed. She combed her fingers through Alex's golden hair, looking into her eyes. "I just want you to be sure that this is what you want."

"Isn't it obvious, Liv?" Alex whispered, tenderly kissing Olivia's jaw before pulling the woman's shirt over her head and tossing it by the wayside. She moved around the arm of the couch, taking Olivia with her by the hand. She kissed the center of her palm as she sat in the middle of the couch, pulling Olivia towards her. "You have no idea how badly I want this or how long I have waited for it." She leaned forward and kissed Olivia's stomach, teasing her belly with long strokes of her tongue as she dipped her fingers under the seams of her pants to pull them down for her to step out. "I want to touch every inch of you," she said breathlessly, laying the woman wearing only black lingerie down onto the couch, "and feel your body beneath mine." Alex straddled over Olivia's hips, removed her bra, and bent down to kiss the detective again, her hair falling onto Olivia's face as she removed her panties.

Laying atop Olivia, Alex slowly reached her hands behind Olivia's back, taking hold of the clasp and unsnapping it before taking the straps down over Olivia's shoulders and dropping the garment to the floor. She sighed at the sight of the unbelievable beauty of the woman she sat above before re-closing her eyes and kissing her again, her hands finding their way to Olivia's breasts, caressing her gently and smiling at the sound of Olivia's moans from her touch. Olivia found herself touching Alex's bare skin and holding her below the waist and rocking her hips against Alex.

While kissing Olivia, Alex balanced on her knees for a short moment as Olivia pushed her own panties down her legs, tossing them aside. Alex sat back onto Olivia's hips, straddling one leg between Olivia's thighs, leaning over her and kissing her with a slow, meticulous passion. Their flesh was soft and inviting to one another, their sex pinned and rubbing as their mouths and tongues rejoined, fusing each other as one.

Alex took one of Olivia's hands from her breast and sat up to kiss each fingertip gingerly, pulling the center finger into her mouth, deep and beyond her teeth, closing her eyes at the taste of Olivia's flesh in her mouth. Olivia kept her eyes focused and in awe of the seductress that sat atop her as Alex moved Olivia's wet fingertips between her legs unhurriedly while keeping her blue eyes locked on the detective that lay below her. Alex leaned over and took hold of Olivia's neck with her other hand and kissed the woman again before whispering into her ear, "I want to know what it feels like to have you inside of me, Olivia." She licked Olivia's earlobe as she waited for her fingers to touch her as she settled her hips down upon them.

Olivia pressed her fingers gently between the wet folds, biting down on her lower lip to hold back her moans as she lavishly touched Alex intimately. Alex's chin fell forward and her back rounded at the unbelievable reaction running through her body. She kept one hand around Olivia's neck and the other on the back of the couch to keep herself balanced as she rocked her hips back and forth over Olivia's fingers and thigh.

Olivia arched her back forward and lifted the leg which Alex straddled to tip her over. Alex fell onto Olivia's mouth and Olivia kissed her, drawing out low and heavy moans from Alex as she reveled in Olivia's fingers upon her. Olivia moved her mouth lower curving her back forward to reach Alex's breast, kissing it affectionately at first before consuming it with her entire mouth, biting and circling her tongue at her nipple which resulted in short and breathtaking spasms from Alex, who struggled to maintain her balance above Olivia.

Olivia laid back against the couch again when Alex started panting heavier and throbbing harder against the fingers beneath her. Olivia kept the circular strokes at Alex's sex at a steady, but accelerating pace, wanting nothing more than to please her and watch her gratification unfold. "Oh God, Olivia…" Alex could barely get her name out as she gazed downward upon her treasured friend with impassioned eyes, her blonde hair falling in her face unabashedly. She gazed into the beautiful brown eyes looking up at her, but was unable to keep her eyes open for long as the thrill and ecstasy was overcoming her.

She ground her hips down against Olivia's hand and Olivia dipped her fingers into Alex which brought about a euphoric moan from the depths of Alex's throat. She breathed and moaned heavier as Olivia's fingers quickened inside of her, pushing into her deeper and faster until Alex gripped onto Olivia's neck. She fell forward onto Olivia, crying out into her ear in such a rapture that Olivia felt herself shudder against Alex. Olivia curled her fingers inside of Alex, and she felt Alex's nails dig into her shoulders, her voice cracking with every blissful whine as she recoiled on Olivia's hand again and again until every muscle in her body collapsed. She draped her arms around Olivia, and kissed her shoulders and neck as she searched for her lips. Olivia turned to her and Alex sealed her pink lips around Olivia's then drifted to her side, holding the woman close.

Alex stared at the wall with a satisfied grin and tried to catch her breath. "Mmmm, Olivia." She sighed heavily and looked over to the brunette that lay propped up on her elbow beside her with a proud smirk across her face. "That was everything that I thought it would be…and more." Alex sighed, smiling and closing her eyes before giving Olivia a long and appreciative kiss.

Alex's mind drifted far away and when she opened her eyes, Olivia was looking down at her, softly combing her fingers through her blonde hair. She watched as a slow smile came across Olivia's face. Olivia was at a loss for words, the woman that lay beside her was so beautiful, ambitious, and passionate. She was everything that she could have ever dreamed of. She ran her fingers through her blonde hair and started to rise from the couch, but felt Alex grab her at the waist and tug her back down.

"Where do you think you're going?" Alex said with a playful laugh, kissing her. She sat up and wrapped Olivia's legs around herself, raising one of them over hers so that they would be facing one another in the center of the couch.

Olivia looked down at their intertwined position and then looked up at Alex. "No where apparently." Olivia said, reaching her arms behind Alex to embrace and kiss her.

"That's what I thought." Alex smirked and leaned over to take Olivia's face in her hands, kissing her. She opened her mouth and allowed Olivia's tongue to intrude as she moved her hand down to touch Olivia's breast. She tenderly massaged the flesh with the palm of her hand before fingering every detail, pushing her tongue through Olivia's mouth as she felt the officer's belly breathe deeper until breath turned into sighs and sighs turned into moans.

Holding Olivia at her back, Alex moved her other hand down to Olivia's stomach before turning the hand upside down and pushing her fingers down between Olivia's thighs. Olivia loved how Alex touched her so gently. Her hands were so delicate, and her luxurious fingers sent chills up her spine and rhythmic pulses at her center with ever teasing movement. Alex's eyes glimmered into Olivia's that darkened when she felt how wet and anticipating Olivia was for her and she gently pushed her fingers inside of her friend, knowing that the woman had been ready for her long ago. Alex tossed her hair out of her face and over her shoulder before closing her eyes and pressing her lips onto Olivia's as she gingerly pushed her fingers in and out of the detective in the small space that was between them on the couch.

When Olivia opened her mouth to moan, Alex's tongue entered into her mouth, pulling her tongue into her own mouth to suck and tease it, which elicited more moans of pleasure coming from all directions within Olivia. Olivia broke the kiss and sat upright in front of Alex, her honey brown eyes burning through Alex's blue as she ground her hips against Alex's hand as her fingers fucked her mercilessly. "Damn, Alex." Olivia mumbled, in total bliss at the fact that this was not a dream; that Alex was actually inside of her, making love to her. Olivia's hand reached behind Alex to hold her back as her eyes drifted up into her eyelids. Alex's fingers quickened and Olivia bucked her hips back against the woman's long and delicate fingers.

Alex leaned forward again, kissing Olivia until Olivia became weak and fell back onto the arm of the couch, running her hand through her own short locks, and tugging at her own neck, anticipating release. Olivia bit her lip as she felt Alex's fingers rousing the fire within her until it bundled up at her core and started to swirl her insides as Alex churned her fingers inside of her, making love to her and extracting cries from Olivia's lips and hot tears from her eyes. "Alex…" She cried out and moaned, feeling the space of her center widen and open around Alex's fingers before closing repeatedly until the tremors of orgasm defeated her.

In the afterglow, Alex lay across Olivia, reaching for her face and drawing it into a loving kiss. Olivia returned the affection, holding Alex's delicate frame against her own, caringly smoothing the pale and flawless skin of her back with her fingertips before shifting over so that Alex could lay with her on the couch with their legs intertwined. Alex lightly touched her fingers upon Olivia's shoulder before moving them down her arm and reaching for Olivia's hand. She fingered gently at the open palm before interlacing her fingers with Olivia's, kissing her cheek and smiling to herself with the absolute harmony she felt with Olivia.

They lay together as the minutes passed, neither saying a word or moving too suddenly. The only sounds were of their settling breaths and the familiar sounds of New York traffic and bickering neighbors seemingly miles away. Eventually, Alex brought her and Olivia's hands up to her mouth and kissed the back of Olivia's fingers before looking over to capture her eyes. "Can I stay with you tonight?" She asked.

Olivia nodded, letting out a deep sigh. There was nothing she wanted more than to wake up in the morning beside Alex.

"Are you sure?" Alex double checked.

Olivia smiled, understanding why Alex asked twice, but still not wanting her to leave. She nodded, rising from the couch. "Come on, beautiful." She said, tugging on Alex's hand to take her to bed.


	44. Chapter 44

**Ch. 44**

Olivia's alarm went off shockingly early the next morning and the abrasive noise startled Alex from a deep and sound slumber. She felt Olivia shift in the sheets, groaning to herself before subconsciously smacking the clock quiet again and returning to sleep within mere seconds. A few minutes later, the alarm went off again and Olivia repeated her previous actions and turned off the alarm again. Alex turned over in the bed to face Olivia, who was facing away from her. _She's so beautiful, _Alex thought, examining the curl of her spine as it traveled down her back before disappearing into the burgundy sheets. _How did I get so lucky?_ Alex wanted to drape her arm over Olivia's waist, pull her close, and kiss her shoulder good morning, but she couldn't read Olivia's thoughts with her facing away from her so instead of following through with her instincts, she lay quietly on her side for Olivia to wake up on her own terms.

As she waited for the brunette to awaken, her mind raced with conflicting messages about what her relationship with Olivia was becoming. The passion between them last night had been so intense and it was unlike anything Alex had ever experienced before in her life. She was nervous about what was to transpire that morning in her apartment, and she was even more worrisome about seeing the detective at work later in the afternoon. Olivia was to appear in court for Alex today. She knew she could keep up her end of their bargain while still maintaining their intimacy behind closed doors, but she hoped that Olivia could do the same by understanding that work and their relationship were to be kept strictly separate.

Additionally, Olivia had already been in a relationship with a woman before, whereas Alex really had not. Even though Anya had been unfaithful to Olivia, she was never ashamed of their relationship and Alex could only hope that faithfulness meant more to Olivia than openness. She told herself that their relationship needed to be hushed due to their jobs and it was, but she didn't want Olivia to accuse her of being a closet case, even though she was, but that wasn't what their secret was all about. _Or maybe it is?_ She disregarded that thought, going full circle in her mind, knowing the real reason for the secrecy was their positions at work and the intimate nature of their jobs. She would not let personal relationships jeopardize her career goals, even with someone as wonderful as Olivia.

Between the latter few buzzing of the alarm, Olivia lay awake in bed, facing away from Alex, concerned about how they would keep their relations a secret from everyone that they worked with. Her job was among specialized detectives and whether she liked it or not, they knew everything about her. She was fretful about Elliot. She knew he would eventually figure out that something was going on between her and Alex. Even if Alex woke up this morning full of buyer's remorse, which Olivia hoped to God that she didn't, she knew that Elliot would somehow know that _something_ had happened. It was only a matter of time and when the time came, she was worried about how Alex would react. Not more than one day into their secret, and Olivia couldn't stop the negativity and what-ifs from berating her mind in the waking dawn. _Maybe after last night, Alex wouldn't want to keep it a secret after all. _She could only hope, but realistically, she knew that the promise of silence was going to still be expected of her.

To counteract her pessimism, she focused on the things that she did know. What she knew was that she was sharing her wonderfully comfortable bed with the most beautiful woman she had ever known. She also knew that Alex had consciously made love to her the night before and couldn't claim that she was drunk or emotionally unstable in order to dismiss the night's events. And then she remembered how Alex had told her that she was beautiful – gorgeous even, which warmed her heart all over again.

When she felt Alex shift in the bed beside her, she decided to turn around to face her fears head on, hoping that nothing had changed between them from the night before. Nothing had changed in her mind and she hoped that Alex would still feel the same for her as well in the morning after. Alex looked back at her with those sharp blue eyes of hers and smiled, which quieted Olivia's paranoid mind. Even in the early morning, with her hair tangled in all directions and without a stitch of make up, Alex was a classically beautiful woman.

Olivia bid her a good morning and ran her fingers though Alex's blonde hair, touching her neck tenderly and gave Alex a kiss. Alex shifted over to Olivia and draped her arm over Olivia's chest, pulling her close and laying her head upon her shoulder in an effort to tell her that nothing had changed from the previous evening without using words. She was relieved that Olivia seemed content and relaxed by her gesture and when she wrapped her arm around her back, it confirmed for her that Olivia was not regretful either.

Alex tried to peek over Olivia to look at the clock. When she couldn't see the time, she asked Olivia what time it was.

"It's 5:30." Olivia said.

"God that's _early_, Liv. The sun's not even up!" Alex complained, burying her face into Olivia's neck.

Olivia laughed and shifted underneath Alex to get up. She found her tattered but comfortable old robe on the floor and put it on. "Well, I figured you'd have to head all way uptown to get a change of clothes so I set it pretty early."

Alex groaned, "I guess you're right." Alex rolled over onto her stomach, and watched Olivia pull the robe around herself, but not tying the belt. "God, you are sexy, Olivia."

Olivia smiled back at Alex, still amazed that someone as attractive as Alex found her to be equally attractive. "You think so?" Olivia asked, giving Alex a kiss on the forehead.

"I _know_ so." Alex sat up in bed, pulling a sheet over herself, and dangling her legs over the side, looking up at Olivia. She grabbed the end of Olivia's robe and tugged her back towards the bed. Olivia embraced her as Alex wrapped her legs around her torso and rested her head on Olivia's chest.

Olivia ran her fingers through Alex's hair, smoothing it down a little. "Don't think I'm trying to kick you out or anything, but you really should get going if you want to get to work on time."

Alex mumbled something under her breath, knowing Olivia was right. She was not looking forward to going all the way home on the upper east side before turning around and heading all the way back downtown to get to work all because she didn't have an extra pair of clothes to wear.

"You should be more prepared next time you spend the night at my apartment, Alex." Olivia suggested.

"Next time?" Alex asked, raising her eyebrows, curious when she'd get to see Olivia again.

Olivia snickered, stepping away from between Alex's legs. "Yes. Did you think I only wanted to see you once?"

"I was hoping you wouldn't." Alex said, running her fingers beneath Olivia's robe and kissing her belly.

Olivia dropped down to her ankles in front of Alex on the bed, and covered herself with her robe. "How is this going to work, Alex?"

Alex smiled, and ran her fingers through Olivia's short hair. "We just have to maintain a certain amount of distance at work, Liv. In a way, we have to pretend as if nothing happened as to not raise suspicion. But don't allow yourself to think that I believe that nothing happened. I loved every second of what we shared last night, Liv, and I look forward to seeing you again. But at work, we have to be at least a little indifferent to one another. I don't want you to take sides with me when you feel that Elliot is right if a discrepancy arises just because we're dating. My feelings will not be hurt. I want you to do your job and allow me to do mine. We'll have to learn how to separate our feelings at work from our feelings…" she almost said 'at home' but searched for a better phrase, "outside of work. It will be hard, but I know we can do it. You mean too much to me for it to not work."

"If you say so." Olivia sighed, doubtful and taking Alex's hand and kissing the palm. "But Elliot's going to figure it out. I know he is."

"No, he won't, Olivia." Alex protested. "I understand the pressure that you're under, but you said yourself a few weeks ago that he didn't know every detail about your life. This has to be one of those details you keep from him."

"This is more than a little detail, Alex." Olivia said with a bitter smirk, rising from her haunches and stepping away.

Alex grabbed Olivia's hand, stopping her. "Hey." Olivia wouldn't look back at her. "Liv." Alex said to get her attention, gently touching her hand and arm to get her to turn around. When Olivia did, she continued. "I _know_ that this is more than just a detail." Alex rose from the bed and stood behind Olivia, wrapping her arms around her waist and kissing the back of her smooth shoulder under her robe. "You can always just give me a different name if that would make it easier for you when Elliot starts asking questions."

This was getting all too complicated for Olivia, but she wanted a relationship with Alex more than ever and she was willing to do anything to be with her. She knew Alex didn't want their relationship to be behind closed doors because she was ashamed of Olivia. She was asking this of her because the very nature of their jobs was going to require it of them. She thought about giving Alex a fake name and wondered if it would make any difference. She supposed that it wouldn't hurt; that when the questions started coming at her from Elliot, she could at least be prepared with a name. He already knew someone was interested in her with the flowers Alex's had sent to her yesterday.

As Olivia washed up in the bathroom, thinking about everything under the sun, Alex dressed quickly, knowing she had very little time to get home before heading back downtown in order to be in the office by nine. She would definitely be bringing a change of clothes with her next time.

Olivia gave Alex a kiss goodbye at the door, and Olivia held onto her fingers as long as possible before Alex slipped away and out into the hallway to go home. Olivia stood in her doorway, still wearing the grey robe and leaning her head against the doorframe.

"When will I see you again?" Alex asked, turning around before getting to the elevator.

Olivia shrugged with a smile. "Today at trial, I would imagine." Olivia joked, knowing she had to testify for Alex that afternoon.

"You know what I mean, Liv." Alex said, shifting her weight and crossing her arms with a smile. She lit up the down button of the elevator.

"Well, is Friday," Olivia answered. "Unless the shit hits the fan at work, I don't see why we couldn't go out tonight if you wanted."

"I'd like that." Alex smiled, stepping back to Olivia and giving her another kiss. The elevator doors opened and Alex went in.

"I'll call and let you know." She nodded to Alex as the doors closed in front of her, taking her back to the reality that awaited her outside.

Olivia closed her apartment door and walked to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready for the day. She desperately wanted their relationship to work, and she wanted the two of them to be able to work around each other as professionals. She wanted them to have their cake and eat it too, as it were. Before she stepped into the shower, she looked out her bedroom window, pleased that spring was on its way. With the rebirth of New York City after such a cold and unforgiving winter, Olivia was optimistic that she too could be reborn.

She wanted to take it slow with Alex to some degree, but she recognized the fact that she already had racing feelings for her. She hoped Alex would soon feel the same for her. She felt confident that she could leave Anya and their past behind and focus on building a relationship with Alex without disrupting the dedication that she had for her job. It would be a challenge, but it was one that Olivia was up for and would face head on. She would not deny herself from being happy for the rest of her life, and she felt there was a good possibility of achieving true happiness with Alexandra Cabot. She would not let Alex slip through her fingers and she would do whatever it took to ensure that from not happening.

The End.

**(I'm currently working on a sequel.)**


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